One of the distinct characteristics which makes a country unique is it's rich culture, tradition, and scenery. The other important ingredient is the people in that particular country.
Not all traditions and cultures are helpful but for some reason it's what makes a country unforgettable. I'm proud to be a who I am, where I came from and I'll always choose to be one. It's not as if I have a choice since I was born and raised here but it's more of being patriotic and proud of what we have.
This article is a sensitive topic which actually seems to be taboo but rampant. If you're going to read this, I hope that you find the gist of what I've written and do not just be a selective reader. I expect you to be a responsible reader.
Your children are not your investment.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to help your family but it's never right to make your children your investment. You did not provide for their needs so you can ask for a payback when your kids have graduated and started working.
Honestly, it's not their responsibility to provide for the studies of their younger siblings. It's not your kids responsibility to provide for your household needs. It's never their responsibility to take over the responsibility and frustrations you had when you were their age.
It's saddening as to how at a young age, your eldest child is taught to study well in order to provide for his siblings needs. He can't play outside because he has to take care of his younger siblings.
If your children gives you money to help you, be grateful for what you receive. Do not ask for more. When your kids started building their career and their own families stop expecting so much from them. It's mentally exhausting to keep on working in order to provide for your family's needs not being able to enjoy the life that you wanted to live.
Parents are blessed when their kids have grown in love and care which makes them automatically want to give to their parents but when you give all your supposed responsibility to your kids, that is just so wrong. When your kids give you money, isn't it much better that the reason is because they love you? Not because they feel obligated to do so?
Personal Experience:
I give money to my parents not because they told me to, but because I am grateful for all the love and support they gave me. I will never be who I am or reach this part of my life if they aren't with me. My parents will always be the best parents in the world. I am grateful to them and I love them so I help in our expenses at home. I'm single and I know that helping my parents means more blessings.
Your children owe you nothing.
You brought up a child in the world so it's your responsibility to provide for all his needs such as quality education, home, family, love, clothes, nutritious food and make sure that they are safe and healthy.
You can't go on instilling in their minds that you have provided and taken good care of them since they were babies. You brought them to this world, so it's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to provide for them. They did not ask to be born. They did not ask for you to be their parents, so when things go haywire you can't just make them feel guilty for existing and make them realize that they should give you what you demand from them which is most of the times, money.
You can't go around telling others that when your son or your daughter graduated or have their own lives that they can't even give you a single penny. Again I will repeat. Everything that you have done for them must be out of love and not out of responsibility.
When you keep on having a twisted mindset about doing everything for them and they can't even look back at you to give you money, then it's about time for you to think about the reason why you did it in the first place.
Is it just out of your responsibility and obligation? Or is it out of your love for them?
Personal Experience:
My parents always tell us that it's their responsibility to provide for our needs. They always make sure that we have the things we need even if we don't have the things that we want. My mother would often tell me that I'll be able to achieve more when I start working. She never demanded anything from me or my siblings. She always make sure that we do what we for ourselves and not for them.
No child is supposed to be a breadwinner.
Why does it have to be that way? In the first place shouldn't you be prepared to become a aren't before deciding to bring a new life in this world?
Most oldest son or daughter I've known has to work early or has to stay in a toxic but high paying job in order to provide for their family needs. They grew up having the thought of studying well in order to provide for the studies of their younger siblings. They had to pursue the career that their parents wasn't able to pursue. They had to study well and work hard giving everything they've got just so they can make sure that their parents would be proud of them and they have to make sure that they will have a job so they can sustain their family needs.
As a parent, you're supposed to be the one to teach your child to study and work for themselves, not for you. You must choose to cut this kind of mentality and make sure that your children are not going to do this to their future children as well.
Aren't you supposed to be the bread winner of your family? Because you're the parent?
Personal Experience:
My oldest brother is also a breadwinner. He helped my parents in providing for our family needs. At such a young age, he chose not to study in college and chose to work instead but it doesn't mean that our parents stopped working as well. My parents had their own business and until now, my mother is still working.
My mom never relied to us for anything. She always tells us that she provided for us so we can provide for ourselves and not live the life they lived. My parents doesn't want us to experience the hardships of life so they see to it that they provided our needs.
No child must bear too much expectation and feel pressured about it.
If you have unfilled dreams or unachieved goals, do not instill it to your children. Do not make them finish the course you have started because they are totally different from you. You are you and they are they. Accept the fact that they'll have their own choices and their own goals in life.
Personal Experience:
I grew up in a family with no expectations at all. I never felt the need to be on the top or the need to become better because there has been no competition in our home. So when I went t to school, I don't have the urge or the need to be on top. I'm grateful because my parents did not put any pressure on us which is what I think made us one of the top performers in our class.
I know that we all have different family backgrounds and different type of family but I'm hoping that this article can somehow enlighten you before you decide to have your own family. I hope that you don't create a toxic culture like this in the future family that you will build.
Love_16
June 17, 2021
Thursday
Everything you said in your article is true. My parents don't pressure me on paying them back from all the money they give for my education. I already pay my own bills, but I will not forget to include my parents. It is my prerogative to spend my money for them, not because they told me I owe them a lot. They don't even ask me to buy things for them, but as a child who looks after aging parents, I could not just ignore them, they've become my priorities.