fAMily

I always thank God for allowing me to grow in a huge family with loving mother and father. Even though we experienced hardships, we stick together in order to overcome anything that comes our way. When I was a lot younger I grew up without my mom because she works far away from us. Now that I'm grown up, my family will tell me stories about our typhoon experiences and the life that we had in the province. My mother decided to bring us together with her in the city. It took her years to save up money to provide for our needs, but it happened. Now we are living together in our own home. Some of my siblings are married with kids, some are professionals, some with business, while some are still studying.

Whenever someone needs help, we are able to extend love and help to one another. When there are celebrations, the food that are served comes from each of us. We make sure to take time to come together, bring food and spend quality time with one another since the married siblings has their own homes. Quarrels, misunderstandings and physical fights are there but at the end of the day we are able to make up and love each other some more. None of us are the same and our parents are loving enough to understand and know each of us.

Sadly, this is not the reality for most of us. I am blessed to have a complete family with married parents but others don't. I met people who has a different story of their family. Separated parents, unknown mother or father and so many more. Each family has a different situation.

Some children has to go through this noise and quarrel everyday. Some people grew up with the thought that this is normal since they have been experiencing it since they were young while some might develop fear for having the same relationship as their parents. My family isn't perfect. My parents also fight but they make sure that we don't hear them or if ever we hear them, my parents make sure not to give us a clear explanation about their quarrel. I have counseled a few people who have this family set up and it's heart breaking to listen to their stories. These quarrels greatly affect the children. It affects their self-esteem, their way of thinking, their attitude and behavior, their point of view in life.

To be honest, if the parents were affected, how much more the children? From quarrels to physical fights and more. The child who is supposed to be built up at home becomes scarred at a young age due to this instances. Of course no one has ever planned this to happen. Nobody has ever thought of growing a family that isn't meant to last.

Many factors have caused this dilemma but the truth and end point of it all are the children who suffers from all of this.

No parent ever wanted their child to grow in this kind of environment and no child ever wanted to be in the middle of their arguing parents. Parents always think about the better future for their kids. From hurtful words to physical and emotional abuse, the child is often the casualty in this case. When the couple is unmarried, it's easier to break up and the child is either on the mother or father's custody. When the parents can't handle it the grandparents are the one left behind to take care of the kids. Even when a couple is married, they seek for divorce when things are too difficult to handle.

The root cause of all this is traumatic and the person who is hurt the most is the child.

Everyone longs for a complete, happy and contented family and no one has ever planned for their family to fail. It all boils down to pain and hurt feelings.

Being abused in any way is never okay. A child must not grow in a house filled with abuse and disrespect. Many parents no matter how painful it is choose to let go of the relationship than to keep on hurting themselves and their child.

When parents decide to separate ways the child is left confused and asks what went wrong. They also cry and feel the pain that their parents are feeling. Children ask themselves: "Who do I choose?" "If I go with my mom I will not see my dad again but If I go with my dad my mom will be left alone." "Why do I even have to choose whom I'm going to go with?"

I felt like crying for the kids. Their unspoken pain and hurt is there but they are unable to show it. As young as they are they have to experience these things. I sympathize with them.

The transition from a happy and contented relationship to a broken family is a painful process. Insecurities are developed. Traumas and wounds of the past are haunting. Gone was the happy moments and the time for healing is too long. Things which remind them of the past opens the closed wounds. As time goes by you think that they become better but the damage has been done. Scars in the heart are unseen yet very painful.

Things are never the same both for the parents and the children. Grades and future goals are affected. Life is now filled with numb feeling and uncertainties. No matter what you do, the painful memory is there. It is said that we are shaped by the things that we experience. Just as to how the waves in the ocean form stones, so does the pain that we have felt. We are constantly changed by what we are going through.

I salute the single parents who chose to let go of a painful relationship than to continue holding on and ending up hurting themselves. I admire the sacrifices done by them. Providing for the family needs, taking charge of the household and being the mother and the father of their kids.

God is never happy when a relationship is broken. Marriage is a sacred thing. Making love is God's gift to humanity to procreate. It's saddening to see young people getting pregnant unprepared for what comes next. Young people nursing babies instead of enjoying life. I do not intend to hurt anybody. I am just stating facts and I hope that anyone who has experienced the same thing will find joy, forgiveness and healing in their hearts.

May the parents who went through this painful separation find healing and have the heart and courage to trust again. You are strong and doing just fine right now. Allow yourself to be healed completely before committing one again.

May the children who experienced pain and has unhealed wounds be able to conquer fears and traumas caused by a broken family. May you find peace and forgiveness in your heart when the time comes.

This is God's design for the family.

Colossians 3:18–21, NET

“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is pleasing in the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, so they will not become disheartened.”

~ These verses clearly shows the role of each family member.

Genesis 2:18 NLT

Then the lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

~ God never intended anyone to be alone. He wants us all to have someone in our lives that will treat us right.

I will never be who I am without my parents. My family is my strongest support system in life. No matter what struggles I go through I am certain that God is always there for me.

A family isn't always based on blood. You can become a family to someone you love and care about.

A family will never be perfect but it is always whom we need to be with. Let us allow our house to be our homes where we reside together with our families.

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