No-'thing"-vember; budget disappearance
Been thinking about my achievements for the month of Novenver but it turns out that I don't really have anything to boast about considering my earnings was a bit low as compared to the previous months; I can't exactly say why it was like that but I at some point had major setbacks on a lot of my articles as I wasn't properly ***"rewarded"***; not complaining but simply trying to lunderstand what went wrong isn't good enough. I didn't write for about four days in the final week of November which was also resulted in setback; this wasn't my fault as I was sick during this period hence had to stay away from all thinks work related including writing as I intended to come back in one piece.
My expenses in the month of November was so much that it completely over shadowed my earnings; though I didn't deliberately choose to overspend but certainly things came which were inevitable hencee I had to sort them out, health inclusive as I had to spend a lot of money on those medications as well since they've become a part of my monthly budget. Skipping them would mean I do not intend to live long enough to see Quasar dying, after all what's the point of savings and a strict budget if I wouldn't live long enough to enjoy them as I please.
***Lead image*** https://unsplash.com/photos/z-Hu8pnt23s
***"Nothing to wrote about November in November, though earnings exist but it's a far cry from that of the previous months, disappointment at its finest".***
Regardless of the massive budget authorization to budget disappearance that accompanied the month of November, I'm very optimistic that December will be different, much better than the previous months; it's all about having faith, and faith is what I have in addition to my call to consistency and trying my best to be an even better person than I previously was.
Too many things to achieve in the month of Decenver but very limited time; how time flies- just yesterday it was the 1st of Novenver, looked to my calendar and it's already the 3rd- signs that I'm constantly growing older, getting older everyday and within the twinkle of an eye those children will begin to run here and there and call me "grandpa" while asking for moonlight stories and folklore which I do not have affinity for- I'd rather teach them the application of varitational principles for determination of the ground state energy of an harmonic oscillator than nonsense folktales that have nothing to add to society or the world of science.
Don't believe the above statement about the grandpa bla bla; I'm going to be a goo9d grand dad provided those kids behave themselves and love dark themes animes like I do. No love for anim means no love is gotten from ***me....hahaha***...
***let's get back to track......***
Ignore my rant; I'm simply saying time flies so fast and before I know it this month will end as quickly as it began and I'd be writing about my achievement once more but for December. Thinking about this is really scary because I do not know if I'd be writing a good news or a "***not too good news***" regarding my earnings and achievement on this platform. I repeat that I'm absolutely optimistic and full of faith hence I'd choose to be positive that December will look upon me with favor, I'm also hoping that our dear Mr. @TheRandomRewarder's blessings will ne upon me as well.
November was really rough; got sick more times than I could count but December will be much better and sickness free; I wrote a load of articles in the month of November, though my **"*****yes to writing everyday*****"** challenge was defeated yet I'm not complaining but hoping that history wouldn't repeat itself...
***I'd show off a list of my published articles for the month of November pretty soon, perhaps tomorrow while also staying my favourite of them... November was unexpected but I'm optimistic December will be full of celebration....***
***Toddles!***
New month beginning with stress
Yesterday was a super stressful day; though terribly expected yet I cannot but complain about how tired I am and how badly I am in need of sleep at the moment. My chest has been heavy; extremely heavy due to stress and my breathing pattern has been slightly corrupted due to the fact that I haven't used my hypertension medications in weeks- I've been trying to live without them but it would seem that it's a very wrong decision as my heart is no li her cooperating with me and I'd have to guve it what it wants before it gets angry and gives up on me..
***Slept throughout the night yet it still feels like I haven't slept; woke up feeling super tired and hungry- it would seem that the stress I had to go through isn't meant for me..***
*I'd like to talk about the quantity of stress I went through today and how annoying the Nigerian banking system is- but I wouldn't like to make that the subject of of my article hence I'd simply say a bit and let it slide..*
I had to follow my cousin (16 years old) to the bank this morning, he wanted to open a bank account but was completely inexperienced in such things plus he was a bit shy hence I had to be there with him so I could speed things up a little bit and make it even easier on him since he is a newbie (we were all newbies at some point).
We had to wake up really early, few minutes past 7am and we already left home, we were at the bank by 8.15 and kaboom a long queue awaited us which we overcame within few minutes and went straight to the administrators office for account opening after which we filled a form, received the account number within minutes and deoosited the sum of twenty thousand Naira (about $40 or so). Debit card was received and this was all done quickly- we were with the entire process by few minutes past 9 and I thought that was it until we were asked to submit the filled form at the customer care section.
The submission process was very annoying one; we got downstairs and the queue at the cutiner care section was too long, superblong and at this point I knew we were not leaving there anytime soon....
The banking system is so terrible that there were about 6 customer care seats available yet only two were filled, we all.womdwred where the other four went but no one was willing to respond to this question...
Only two attendants were available thus making the process entirely slow; in fact I got angry at everything at some point because we simply needed to submit a form and nothing more her we had to join a queue- I mean there should have been someone there to collect the forms from those that wanted to do "submissions", unfortunately the banking system is so terrible that it's all done in an old fashioned way.
Surprisingly, we had to stand for three hours plus- which was from few minutes past 9 am till about 12.30 pm just to submit a form; by the time it was my cousins turn to be attended to, my back was already half way gone from standing and chest pain already took over as my body isn't designed for that quantity of stress. Annoyingly there were no seats, no reception hence it was a standing order for anyone that intended to perform any transaction in the bank, you only sat when ut's your turn to be attended to.....
***It was our turn to be attended to and surprisingly it didn't take up to three minutes and we were done.... we stood in line for three hours just to be submit a form that was evaluated within 2minutes and kaboom we were on our way.***
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/mNGaaLeWEp0
***"Was so frustrated that I felt like slapping the bank attendants with a hammer"***
At this point in felt like insulting the banking system, and perhaps burning down the building with everyone in there but I didn't let my temper push me...
I got home super tired and hungry, chest pain was imminent and couldn't breathe properly hence had to go for the long forgotten medications which made me feel better afterwards.
***Yesterdays stress was a really weird one, it's all past now but I can still feel the stress within me hence waking up tired and hungry this morning is a sign that I need more rest and ..."lots of food...***
***Can't believe I started the new month with super stress; I sincerely hope the rest of the month wouldn't be like this...***
***Happy new month and merry Christmas...***
***Toddles!***
And once again; Rusty fell asleep while we weren't looking... 😩
My Daddy long-leg and risk management techniques
Oi read.cash familam! I sincerely hope you're all going doing fine today; pretty sure the answer is a "yes", I on the other hand am feeling not too good from sleeping late last night (this morning). Was on call with my friend; a very good friend of mine- my beauty, my love, my daddy long-legs- yeah you read it right, I call her daddy long-legs after the spider of the same name as she's a tall lady, not so tall but slightly taller than I am which is quite embarrassing for me as ***I constantly feel short whenever we take a walk... I mean how can a lady be taller?....*** hey....I'm not short but she's too tall.
**Image source** http://westexpestmanagement.com/daddy-long-legs/
***"She's named after the Daddy long-legs spider"***
She can be such a disturbance hence made me stay up all night until few minutes past 3 am hence woke up quite late and fatigued. Anyway; that's ***story for another day.***
*Trade night*
Woke up to see that my ***CELO/ USDT*** future trade on Binance had been executed while I was asleep; I've got a really weird habit of not setting up a stop loss in special cases, I simply let it slide especially if I'm sure it wouldn't hit the liquidation point.
The trading signals are received on a paid telegram group hence I do not have to be awake all night monitoring charts and doing those long hours of technical analysis; someone else is paid to do the work hence I only confirm the legitimacy of the signals before going in while putting my risk management techniques at work. This technique also includes not setting up a stop loss where necessary; I'm not a professional on these things, I simply follow my heart and without emotions.
It turns out that so many peeps had their emotions at play last night hence had to close the trade when it went deep into the red zone due to fear of liquidation, after all it's all hard earned money. The red zone was inevitable but they didn't understand that it was going to spike once more. If I had been awake at that point I may have considered closing the trade as well; take note of "probably"... and not a certainty.
Was probably on call with my ***daddy long-legs*** at that moment or asleep. Turns out daddy long-legs's disturbance was a part of my saving grace...(don't ask for her pictures; I'm not sharing).
***"Screenshot from telegram"***
***"I do not set SL as it's my risk management approach which I wouldn't advise; for me it's double or nothing"***
Speaking of risk management; since we're given three different targets labelled as TP-1, 2, 3 as seen in above image; I get in at entry price without a stop loss and kaboom my TP to the last target without setting up a Stop Loss (SL) until I hit TP-1 after which I'd set a stop loss slightly above my entry point (not financial advise).
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/_pc8aMbI9UQ
***"Like a game of chess, it's all about risk management"***
I was being sceptical hence decided to stick to the TP-1 while ignoring the rest after all profit is profit and contentment is key as I'm not after a $1000 profit on one trade hence I'd rather take it slowly to ensure maximum profit with little to zero risk. Being sceptical, I simply set up TP-1 and was content with the profit taken...while others were on the losing end as they chased the wind with TP-2 and 3 which was realistic but too much for me....
***Another trade has been set up for the day; and I hope to be on the winning end once more....***
***Scorpion's inferno***
While writing this; my cousin went out there and realised a scorpion had dropped into the water container- it was surprisingly bigger than the usual baby sized scorpion, then the weirdest thing happened...
My uncle asked for it to be removed; I thought he had plans of killing it until he did the weirdest thing ever; he simply cut off the scorpion's stinger and threw the scorpion into his mouth like it was a ***Tuesday morning snack***.
***He did this after which he entered his car and drove off to work...***.
I was literally shaking at a spot as I had never seem anything like it except in the ***scorpion king movie*** which I watched as a kid. I sincerely hope my uncle will be okay and the scorpion wouldn't bite him somewhere in his stomach...***hahahaa...***
***At this point I'm ready for whatever today brings, I've already seen a scorpion being eaten raw; what could be possibly worse than that...***
***Toddles!***
Day dreams and psychologist experience
I don't want to talk about christmas anymore but my lips keep getting dried as time passes which is harmattan indicative hence a reminder that christmas still exists and is fast approaching. Today is the 29th and within the twinkle of an eye the 1st of December will come through and kaboom Christmas will pass as quickly as it came. I don't want to think about the fact that Christmas will pass as quickly and I'd have nothing to anticipate but the coming year's Christmas hence making me feel like I'm caught in an infinite loop of Christmas anticipation all day long, everyday and every week and every year till ***Quasar dies***.
I sometimes think about my childhood and how things passed quickly; one moment I'm running here and there, playing hide and seek, and the next I'm all grown and busy with life that I barely remember the last time I had some fun as those things I used to do as a kid no longer interest me. Now it's all about ***bucking the status quo and bucking the status quo***...yes; that's the only thing on the to-do list... ***"bucking the status quo".***
How time flies; I was born yesterday, now I'm old enough to have four grown kids but the mother of my children felt I was no longer good enough for her hence she divorced me when I was only 14 and the kids never came through. She wanted to go on a journey of self discovery like all ladies do after divorce; I sometimes wonder why they do that, almost like they were blinded before going into marriage but suddenly became self aware and want out of the matrix after years of commitment thus begging the question ***"what exactly do ladies want?"***.... a question even the richest men on earth cannot answer- Bill Gates, Jeff Bezos and yada yada....thus proving that women can never be satisfied well except you're @FarmGirl or @Theblackdoll; two strong women whom I'd forever appreciate. I do not intend to talk about how wonderful they are but they're both my crush for a reason. Please feel free to blush; you deserve it..***haha..***
Lots of laughs but I'm not married yet and the above divorce took place at age 14 in my imagination all thanks to my low IQ and high degree of joblessness while in an attempt to thi l outside the box as mentioned by my psychologist. Turns out I've been scammed by a person in a cooperate wear calling himself a psychologist who basically repeated to my ears everything I told him while acting professional in the process....
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/BlGmdY18CFQ
***"Psychologists pretending to know all things while ripping you of your hard earned money"***
I'd like you to confirm the ***"say and repeat"*** thing as done by the psychologist using the below conversation....
**Psychologist**: Tell me what you're going through.
**Me**: Well, I've been going through depression for some time and it's getting worse.
**Psychologist**: Do you mean you've been going through chronic depression for sometime and you can't seem to grasp the concept?
**Me**: Yes, that's right.
**Psychologist**: Go on... ***(While pretending to take notes)***
**Me**: My favourite activities have become boring with time and it's all tiring, I feel like something is missing.
**Psychologist**: By virtue of critical reasoning and fundamental analysis I extrapolate that your favourite activities have become boring with time, you often feel worthless and uninterested plus you sometimes feel like an essential part of you has been taken away... correct?
**Me**: Yes, that's correct.
***(at this point I was beginning to wonder, this is me basically listening to all I've said and saying yes where appropriate)***
**Psychologist**: have you ever felt like committing suicide?
**Me**: What the F**, hey do you intend to drive me to suicide, unfortunately I'm much stronger then that; your therapy sucks and I'm out of here......
*I mean; you've never been depressed in your life so how can you help me by simply reading from a textbook?*
***The conversation ended and I walked out of the office building with my shoulders high like I had just defeated the source of my depression....***
***The above is conversation is proof that psychologists basically repeat to you everything you say but in a much longer and fine tuned version in an attempt to brain wash you and make you feel like they're there to help; deep down it's all about the money they intend to take from you.***
It turns out that I've been ripped of my hard earned money; money which I worked my a** off to make in days, weeks and months was taken off me in broad day light hash-tag ***"I'm a professional trying to rid you of depression".***
***The above conversation is once again born out of my imagination and has never taken place on any frame of existence known to man except up there in my mind.***
*Simply decided to have some fun this evening from my weird imagination; turns out my imagination isn't limited and I really can think outside the box as mentioned by the psychologist.*
*I don't think I need to write an actual disclaimer on this one after all it's obviously for fun and entertainment purpose only.....*
***"This article and or including the conversation between I and an unknown psychologist is purely fictional and born out of my imagination hence any statement above which may seem contrary to the purpose of psychologists and their profession should be considered fictional and for entertainment purpose only"***
***Toddles!***
Yo friends! I'd be glad if you could do me a little favour of welcoming my dear friend @malxolmX to this amazing platform; he's new here and just published his introductory article right here;
https://read.cash/@MalcolmX/a-newbie-introduces-himself-47e99659
Christmas spirit and Nostalgia
I smell Christmas once more; the smell of the cool breeze and dry air indicative of harmattan's gradual arrival thus ushering in the much lived Christmas and it's Christmas spirit. We don't have snow here but harmattan is our special Christmas weather; i can imagine how cold the countryside gets extremely cold would be at the moment- that you'd have frostbite if you didn't gear up with gloves inclusive....
I so much envy the Filipinos; the Christmas spirit has been in the air since September and everyone has been writing about the preparations, decorations and fun fair that has been taking place ever since. I can already imagine how fun it's going to be over there; if only I had enough travel funds, I'd have lived I'd experience Christmas from the Philippine perspective.
I wouldn't like to talk about how envious I am of peeps like @Jinifer, @FarmGirl, @Pichi28, @Lucifer01 and so on...they're so lucky to be born in a country that still appreciates Christmas like in the days of old.
My country is quite the opposite; no decorations, no funfair, Christmas trees are no longer common, Christmas parties are no longer held as it's now meant for the rich who intend to class themselves in a bid to due to the economic sumnabolism, and malloclusion.
Irrespective of the death of christmas spirit in this part of the country for reasons unknown, I'd forever be a lover of Christmas and will make sure my friends and family enjoy it as it should be without holding back an ounce of fun...
**Christmas Nostalgia**
I remember the days when we were kids; christmas was highly anticipated such that the the decorations and carols were already began from November, Carols were sung on TV, on the streets and in churches, even cooperate organisations organized chrostmas concerts in a bod to enjoy the Christmas spirit which was in the air; sales of Christmas toys were common during the days.
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/vcX5AhBwk6s
***"Christmas spirit died a long time ago"***
I remember my mom was a perfect cook; the fries and jollof rice was my definition of perfection, the fried chicken which we occasionally took when no one was looking (we didn't steal, we took). The catfish peppersoup was my favourite all thanks to mom; people often asked if she studied something catering related as there was hardly anything she couldn't make.... except liiapple flaboure pizza which no one in his or her right minds would request for ***(haha***)..
We jumped from one house to the other as we knew we were gonna be getting christmas goodies from neighbors and visitors hence it was always fun. We sometimes travelled to my "grandparents" for the Christmas celebration and it was always super fun...
With time the excitement began to diminish and the usual funfair began to fade all thanks to the constantly diminishing economy which has made everyone super busy in a bid to make ends meet thus forgetting the true meaning of Christmas....
**Ruined christmas**
I guess life happened and we all had to grow up at some point, everyone being busy here and there made things pass much faster than we expected...plus the death of a parent can also ruin christmas forever. Christmas was destroyed for me since the year 2011 hash-tag Dad's death; we were all anticipating christmas as usual, there was nothing wrong and he simply said he needed rest, went to the hospital on a Wednesday and kaboom he didn't come back, died on the 10th of December, and Christmas was forever ruined for me.
Thinking about the death of Christmas constantly makes me sad; an inevitable sadness which cannot be ignored- perhaps it's time to move to a country where christmas is still appreciated; unfortunately my BCH holdings is quite small hence cannot handle such expenses.
**I'm my own santa**
In lieu of the death of the Christmas spirit and all things funfair; I decided to be my own Santa hence I ordered myself a new samsung device from Jumia which would be delivered to my door step latest by Monday the 6th; ordered a new laptop as well via my sister in the UK and the delivery would be getting to Nigeria in 7 working days......yippee!!!
"Santa Kristoffer" says merry Christmas
This christmas I'd be visiting @Olasquare, @George_Dee and perhaps @Princessbusayo with the hope of reviving the Christmas spirit once more......
**Another random christmas song....**
***"You better watch out"***
***"You water not cry"***
***"You better not put I'm telling you why"***
***"Santa claus is coming to town"***
**Toddles!**
Christmas; Chrismantine is here
Woke up this morning, took a walk outside and all I could smell was Christmas- oh how I love the smell of Christmas, ever wondered what Christmas smells like? It's all about perspective and your ability to imagine as there's no certain smell to look out for; just imagine hot wine and vanilla, cold fresh air, cinnamon, flora, Christmas Fried and jollof rice plus the usual fried chicken that comes along....the Christmas trees have their special smell which youd wish wouldn't leave unfortunately Christmas ends as quickly as it begins thus making us anticipate that of the coming year as quickly....
**I miss the real Christmas**
I miss the ***running here and there*** as kids on Christmas day while receiving gifts from family and friends of family; we were in vogue and we couldn't but be noticed by who ever came along- we were children afterall and children deserve gifts.
Then there exists the usual Ho! Ho! Ho! From Santa with the super thick voice saying Merry Christmas. He seems like the happiest person on earth- giving gifts to the deserving while skipping the "***not so good***" children as we were told from childhood.
With time those Christmas gifts from visitors stopped coming then you realise at that point that you're now grown and there's nothing special about you anymore but responsibilities and lots of it.... and santa suddenly retired... I guess he got old and had no one to take over the family business of giving.
**Is Santa Black or White?**
I sometimes wonder if santa was Black or white; this is born out of my over active imagination and affinity for thinking outside the box; he obviously isn't racist neither is he colour specific as he goes around the world sharing his goodies in a bid to make everyone happy regardless of boundaries and borders.
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/liT5AlTmC8I
***"Santa isn't black or white, he's a universal being, not limited by boundaries or covid-19 restrictions"***
I consider santa a citizen of the world hence isn't limited by the need for a visa and the "***you know what***" restriction out there hash-tag covid-19.
Random thoughts does Santa require the covid-19 vaccine or is simply immune because he is Santa? Food for thoughts...
I smell christmas today and sincerely hope every other day would be like this; in fact it's not too much to ask for everyday to be like Christmas, unfortunately Christmas is no longer what it used to be in this part of the world- today is the 28th of November yet there is no Christmas decoration or Christmas spirit.
Christmas died a long time ago in my country; all a result of the economic instability and political jabberwocky which I'd rather not talk about. Now we have living zombies here and there chasing after the air in a bid to make ends meet thus forgetting that christmas exists until two days before....
I sometimes wish I could go back to being a kid; I want to experience the real christmas once more unfortunately time travel hasn't been invented yet.
Since random gifting no longer exists I decided I'm gonna be my own santa this year- I'm gifting myself with two specialties; one is already on it's way and the other is still processing... will write about these pretty soon.
***Please bring back the christmas spirit as I can no longer bare the death of Christmas....***
**A random Christmas song from "Alvin and the chipmunks"**
***"Want a plane that loops the loop- me I want a hula hoop"...***
***"I've been good but I can't last please Christmas don't be late"***
***Toddles!***
Poor heat resistance; I can't take it anymore
I've always had a poor resistance to heat for as long as I can remember, this poor resistance has recently gotten worse for reasons unknown. These days I can barely stand a strand of heat without hyperventilating and having difficulty in breathing, I tend to drink more quantity of water than I used to, I need to stay under the fan much longer than normal and I can't bare the rashes that comes through once exposed to excess of heat...it all boils down to one thing; this region is not compatible with my skin.
I've actually gotten used to being under the fan since childhood, especially throughout the night hence putting off the fan for just a few minutes results in an allergic reaction; and these days it's beginning to get worse especially with the recently unstable electricity supply in my region, hence I've been subjecting myself to more heat than my body can handle..
Since the heat becomes more intense during the day, I mostly find it difficult to have that much needed afternoon naps; a forced nap means I'd begin to ***cough from sleep and body will begin to itch*** almost like I'm being bitten all over by tiny insects which can be really annoying.
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/Vve7XkiUq_Y
***"I'd normally drink more water than the cup can contain hence the above is a perfect description hash-tag excess heat in a bid to keep myself hydrated".***
I sometimes feel frustrated when my nose begins to itch, especially with ***difficulty in breathing*** due to excess heat, makes me wonder if I'm even human at all. I know some of you'all may be wondering if I'm asthmatic or something...truth is I'm not, I've never been. It would seem that my body has always been fragile from childhood hence my resistance to certain things is quite different from others. ***For instance; I've got a fragile skin hence a minor bruise will lead to bleeding which is absolutely abnormal***....story of my life..haha..
Yesterday was a really frustrating day; electricity supply got really worse, the heat couldn't get any worse as well, it was like being in ***a demo version of hell,*** it was do hot that I literally took my bath about three times because my body began to itch so badly that I couldn't take it anymore.
I've only got one thing on my mind at the moment-***purchasing a rechargeable fan using my BCH earning*** as this is the only way to save myself from dying from excess heat atleast until I'm able to earn enough BCH to travel to the country of my dreams... "***Japan here I come***".
In lieu of the excess heat; I'm considering getting myself a rechargeable fan as seen in below image; though it may seem inexpensive yet I'd like to consider it super expensive considering I haven't got much BCH in my wallet due to some unplanned expenses I had to go through in the past few days...
**Image source** https://www.jumia.com.ng/qasa-18-inches-rechargeable-fan-remote-control-qrf-5918hr-66437811.html
***"I'd better get this pretty soon if I intend to not die of ebullism"***
I'm considering ordering this from Jumia.com an online store that delivers to most countries in west Africa; should be more expensive but the ***Black Friday deal*** ***is*** ***my saving grace.***
I've bought stuffs from them a couple of times; in fact my new samsumg device is on its way- do not ask me what model I ordered as I intend to keep it a secret..***haha..***
33,000 Naira may seem like a little amount if money considering its just $60 yet I'd like to confess that it's a large amount of money to me as I'm not as rich as most peeps on this platform. Peeps like @Princessbusayo, @King_Gozie, and @Lucifer01 are the real deal; they could afford about ten (10) of this without feeling the effect on their BCH portfolio.
***Toddles!***
Messed up body clock; "sleep" where art thou
Health is getting better; atleast I feel much better than yesterday- no tiredness, knee and back pain plus the usual and almighty headache; it's all gone now but the master of all symptoms still exists- sleepless nights. Though malaria irrespective; yet it becomes worse when I'm struck by those blood sucking virus carrying insects who love my blood so much that they'd do anything to have it even if it includes removing me from this frame of existence hashtag death. Since I've decided to poison my blood with a mosquito killing agent then mosquitoes are gonna be as far away from me as possible- ***it's all about setting an example for the coming generation of mosquitoes as mentioned yesterday***.
Sleepless night has been my best friend since childhood; watched movies and cartoons till late night with my dad while growing up (pretty sure @Jinifer did this as well) and this eventually became a part of my system such that I eventually developed insomnia which was a really rough one for me because I could close my eyes for two hours straight but wouldn't come across a fragment of sleep; which leads to me being completely worn out by day break and was constantly diminishing my health. Though I eventually got over insomnia after a lot of years yet my lifestyle which is full of lack of rest and excess of mental stress has ensured that I do not find the necessary sleep that would ensure I remain ale and hearty.
It's been difficult for me to find sleep in the last few days; all I see when I close my eyes is those long ***red and green candle sticks*** which makes me lose my mind thus ensuring I wake up fully drained and without energy for the new day. This has ben happening every single day and I cannot but complain- unfortunately complains do nothing but belabor the intentional obvious.
Last night was a really rough one; I slept and woke up multiple times while checking the time in each case and realising I've only slept for thirty minutes each. ***Sleep has been so far away from me such that the prescribed sleeping tablets were not as effective; in fact it was quite the opposite***. I was prescribed a sleeping tablet which I used accordingly right before bed but it turned out that the tablets which were meant to attract sleep actually chased it away in full form thus allowing me to stay awake throughout the night. Woke up with a head striking headache and felt like ripping my head off my neck in a bid to feel better but it was practically impossible.
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/DIBwWsoshGE
I observed with time that I sleep better during the day thus begging the question "***am I a bat?***" Perhaps my body click has been changed drastically by unknown forces of evil this requiring a ***white knight*** to come save my "***damsel in distress***".
***I'm awake now; feeling better than yesterday but constantly battling with lack of sleep- a fight between good and evil, night vs day, man vs god, Batman vs Superman and yada yada.....***
Though I'm much better; I'm constantly fighting allergic reactions to heat;I have a very low resistance to heat hence my body itches almost like I've bitten bitten in multiple places by blood swing insects hence I'd have to use the showers multiple times in the day, having rashes here and there unfortunately I like my clothes on hence I ain't walking around the house clotheless...
***.......my poor resistance to heat boils down to one thing; this country is not for me, my body is designed for a countey with less heat, and a cold region I will go in due time.***
***The UK seems like a suitable place; I'd join the mandem in saying*** ***"oi fam".... maybe I'd meet Harry Potter - " oi mate, may I get a bo-hu ov wu-ha" ....(bottle of water).***
***Toddles!***
Kristoffer-the comeback
My health has been fluctuating for some time; one moment it's perfect and the next it's the opposite, the next major move is totally unpredictable but it all boils down to one thing; "**mental stress**" plus a little bit of malaria. Surprisingly; I treated myself of malaria about two weeks before now but it's quite unfortunate that it decided to hit again but this time with a much lower effect as I attacked it even faster with medications and advise from medical practitioners- the simple advise of "**rest**" which I've always refused since "**before time existed**"; this time was different, it was a "**no rest**" or "**no health**" situation, of course I ain't ready to die now, not today tomorrow or anytime soon as grandchildren are still waiting to say "**hi**" to the almighty kristoffer. I mean; don't we all want to live long enough to see "**Quasar dying**" (whatever this means; the internet is there for a reason).
Anyway; being alive and with sound health feels really good; it would seem that those tiny insects called mosquitoes have found a liking for my blood, I guess it's time to volunteer for that science experiment which involves poisoning my blood with a little drop of liquid adamantuim, vibranium or perhaps kryptonite (a quantity that wouldn't be detrimental) in a bid to kill those mosquitoes as soon as they pierce my skin with those tiny blood sucking straws; after all examples need to be set for the ***next generations of mosquitoes***- the example of - "**stay away from kristoffer**".
**Image source** https://unsplash.com/photos/n0feC_PWFdk
***"Jokes on you; this is a dragon fly, and not a mosquito"***
Apart from the usual blood sucking insects that add nothing to the eco-system but constantly suck my blood, and spread malaria thus killing Man and increasing the number of women without a life partner; I have noticed with time that "**I'm my own mosquito**"; I drain my own blood daily by not resting hash-tag mental stress and lack of sufficient sleep. A bad habit which I need to stop pretty soon if I intend to not get sick often- **turns out I say this everytime I recover from sickness but return to my routine barely three days after thus begging the question "is kristoffer human?"**- a question I cannot but ignore..
**Image source** https://unsplash.com/photos/80a3A_BFeic
"***Now this is a mosquito but upside down while sucking life out of the leaf; makes me wonder if leaves have blood as well***"
I'm not completely fine but I just had to write because I'm beginning to miss my routine, I'm missing my friends and family here on read.cash; read.cash is my second home and there's no denying this truth; even a **chronological protection conjecture or grandfather paradox** cannot erase this idea from my logic (once again; whatever this means)- I'd better stop using physics references before **a man gets slapped with a hammer.**
**Thanks to everyone who wished me sound health and quick recovery; I'm here now and I'd call it "*****Kristoffer- the comeback*****".**
***A special shout out to my peeps; your notification is about to get messy, here we go-*** @jasglaybam***,*** @Kleah97***,*** @B.Mac***,*** @Gaftekloriginal***,*** @PrincessMae***,*** @Lovelyfaith***,*** @Olasquare***,*** @Ling01***,*** @HappyBoy***,*** @Lucifer01 ***and yada yada.***
*I miss reading* @Pantera*'s articles; the last four days have been......* ***"you know what"*** *but it feels good to be back.*
*It feels good to be back; it's the 26th of November and I'm beginning to look forward to Christmas- my new samsumg device and violin are calling upon me..... Here I come!*
*Special thanks to* @Bloghound *for the sponsorship renewal; you're forever loved.*
***"Christmas, Christmastine is here, time for toys and time for cheers- I can hardly stand the wait please Christmas don't be late"***
**Toddles!**
Malaria has grabbed me again with full force; couldn't write today, not sure I'd write tomorrow as well..😩
I miss you all....
Going to the hospital tomorrow; wish me sound health.
"Of indiscipline and poor time management"
Yesterday was an absolutely crazy day full of plans disruption, unplanned changes and a hall of stress which resulted in headache; headache so much that my vision became blurry even with my glasses on...I got so tired that I couldn't think straight anymore as to finish the half way written article from previous day but had to settle for writing a new one because completing the previous one would have been another hall of stress because I was writing it based on research and had to add some quoted texts from psychological experts which I hate so much, it required critical thinking, and would have taken even longer hours to complete; those hours I didn't have because I spent most of my day seated on a wooden chair in church (the typical ancient church setting) which was really uncomfortable but had to simply play along hashtag "it was my uncle's church". Let's get into short story of the unplanned detour....
Yesterday was a sunday; don't blame me for being "**captain obvious**", I'm simply walking through... every normal individual on the planet attends only one church on sundays but as the absolute weirdo that I am, I had to attend three separate church services in different places; a decision I'd never make out of my high degree of logical reasoning but it I didn't have a choice due to the following reasons;
***I do not attend my uncle's church hence I went to mine after which I joined my Uncle in his church with the hope that we'd be going home together afterwards.***
***My church rounds off the program much earlier than his hence I attended two church services- mine and his.***
***It turned out that that my Uncle's church had an ordination program at the district headquarter hence they all had to attend the program as well; leaving me with no choice but to go with them hash-tag I didn't want to be the black sheep (I obviously am..haha) hence I attended three churches altogether.***
The third program for me was an absolute waste of time; I still can't imagine a simple ordination program lasting for 5 hours+ (12 pm to 5pm +); it all comes down to one thing- lack of discipline and time management as most of the events were prolonged unnecessarily, the prophecy session which should have simply been a 10 minutes event turned lasted for about 45 minutes +; the prophet spoke really slowly (20 seconds per word) and the interpreter spoke extremely slowly which was ***really annoying***.
**Image source** https://unsplash.com/photos/W_irudglgK0
"***The above bird looks angrier than I was***"
The offering session was prolonged as well amd this was repeated up to about three times which was really weird for me; aftwrall it's a church and not a fund raising organisation or a non-governmental organisation for orphanage homes... I'd rather not talk about these or I'd end up with a two thousand word long article about how bad the church system of the country is and how it rips its members of their hard earned money while claiming it's for the greater good of prosperity and financial stability.
In fact I was pissed off when the ordained ministers were asked to hold a bowl each for the church to make contributions; another money making mechanism, all I could think about was the beggars on the street; the only difference is the Beggars aren't putting on those extra large coats and white neck collars used for identifying pastors and prophets in old fashioned Pentecostal churches (name withheld).... in the end the church is only motivated by money and nothing more.....
Love of money plus.. ladies are not allowed to climb the altar or preach because they are sinful but are allowed to sweep the same alter after the church service is over; where did their sins go when the time for sweeping came? All hypocritical acts due to lack of exposure to the revelation of the gospel... (name withheld once again)...
***"I'd rather stop here before I cause a rap battle....haha"***
The ordination was done and each member of the church had to go out one after the other to congratulate them on stage (which I didn't do as I didn't care); it's all crap for me because it was all a time wasting activity; the program was done in a very old fashioned way and I could have simply pressed the forward button if I had the power to alter ***time and space...***
**Image source** https://unsplash.com/photos/KYxXMTpTzek
It was stress altogether and I got home few minutes past 6pm; had a lot of headache from the stress plus the weird pattern of service which I didn't enjoy; had a heavy headache which blurred my vision, got so tired and didn't publish an article until few minutes to midnight; an article titled "".
Slept afterwards- a very rough night and woke up tired this morning; almost like I haven't slept at all.
When you sleep well they say you "slept like a baby" but what if you didn't? Would we say "***I slept like an adult?***" thus begging the question "***how do adults sleep?***"
***Toddles!***
Lead image from **unsplash**
The inevitable universal constant of change (of plans); cause and effect
Sudden change of plans occurs every single day and it turns out this is a part of life which is absolutely inevitable to as little as an atomic scale irrespective of how controlled our lifestyle and everyday activities are. These changes are as a result of choices; not necessarily our choices but our choices as well as that of those around us. Today is one of such days where my plan A and B doesn't work out exactly as planned hence a change became inevitable- a change which is slightly detrimental to my mental health considering that I've gotten used to a certain routine with time plus..today was already planned out in my mind from the previous day but the universe has found a way to defeat this plan by bringing it's own plan; perhaps for the greater good- I've got no idea but I see no good thing coming out of writing and publishing an article later and much later than my usual time.......
**Image source**
I initially had plans of writing a few of my many conclusion based on research regarding my depression and constant opposition to generalised conclusions from the so called "**experts**" and "**professionals**"... unfortunately the universe had a greater plan hence a deviation from the initial.
Change of plans are inevitable in our everyday life irrespective of your addiction to being a "***control freak***"; though it maybe an inconvenience as provided by the universe and ***the four dimensional divergence of an anti-symmetric second rank sensor*** (whatever that means), as humans subject to the laws of Physics, we have no choice but to adapt to this universal constant irrespective of our status afterall life is simply defined by "**cause and effect**" which we cannot out-run as one action leads to another and another leads to another thus resulting in an infinite number of choices which also leads to an infinite number of events.
**Image source** https://www.pinterest.com/pin/4785143345333956/
The concept of cause and effect can be explained using the concept of the "Quantum observer", the "ripple effect" and perhaps the "butterfly effect" while disregarding "wave particle paradox" to an atomic scale and it's coefficients as this is not a Physics Journal intended to eliminate your interests before I get the chance to hit the jackpot which is the purpose of writing- to explain that change of plans happens to the best of us all thanks to a universal constant called "choice" from an atomic stand-point.
*"According to Quantum mechanics once a choice is made from an infinite number of choices, the universe splits into two and creates an infinite number of mirror universes where a different choice was made for each infinite number of choices......"*
*****The Quantum observer********;***
I do not intend to bore you from the Quantum perspective but the Quantum approach is inevitable in the explanation of cause and effect. Quantum mechanics explains the inevitable "**change of state**" from an action as simple as "**observation**"
***"Observation of Quantum phenomena***
***can change the measured results of***
***an experiment"***
**Quoted text** https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_(physics)&ved=2ahUKEwiztcKwyqn0AhXHzqQKHSvjC-UQFnoECCsQBQ&usg=AOvVaw31OJsjlz8Mt04BvaVnzAlT
Physicists have found that "Observation of Quantum phenomena can change measured results in an experiment" and "***this can be true for electrons at the submicron level, i.e., at distances measuring less than one micron, or one thousandth of a millimeter***".
This change may not be as negligible a change as it may seem as the concept of cause and effects still holds up to a larger scale thus our daily lives are significantly affected by a minor change in the universe even up to a sub-micron level.
*****The Ripple effect;*****
The Ripple effect can be simply put as "***the gradual and continual spreading series of consequence caused an action or event*****".**
Lets get back to track and leave the Physics jargon behind for a moment while simultaneously explaining from the ripple effect perspective; I initially had plans of writing an article about my depression today and my hatred for those long and boring therapies from Psychologists who have never experienced depression in their lives yet think they can help by doing the usual "generalised conclusion thing", unfortunately things came up and it turned out I couldn't finish it anymore due to church activities plus I had to attend another church program hashtag an ordination program in my uncle's church which lasted for hours and resulted in mind loss which caused me to completely lose interest in the previously uncompleted article hence bringing about a mew topic which I'm writing at the moment
**Lead image**
The ripple effect caused by the excess of stress was a loss of interest in the previously written article which was half way completed... hence decided to write about the change of plans and the concept of cause and effect as used in everyday life by virtue of a universal constant called change.
Random thoughts crossing my mind; what if changing my mind resulted in the creation of another universe where I didn't change my mind and went on with the initial plan this resulting in another set of choices which also result in the existence of an infinite number of universe.......
**Ah...I think I'm going crazy..**...
**Toddles!**
****Disclaimer;****
"***I'm not a professional on these things as I'm simply writing based on my knowledge of physics which is only a fragment out of the infinite amount of existing knowledge in the world of physics hence should be considered as pure entertainment; I simply intend to point out that things do not always go as planned as change is an absolute universal constant thus resulting in an infinite number of choices upon which our lives depend***".
Lead image from **unsplash**
****Citation (Quoted texts);****
**https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Observer_effect_****(physics)**
**https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://parentleadershipevaluation.steinhardt.nyu.edu/about/theory-of-change&ved=2ahUKEwj4x8nK4qn0AhUPSvEDHSC0CSwQFnoECA4QBQ&usg=AOvVaw20SCInE1QUWlnVCqlxHEy-**
Depression- a compensation for routine change and excess of logic
Being a control freak can be detrimental to your mental health; you'd have all events of the day basically planned out with a fixed time frame while sticking to this strictly without a change of plans and this goes on and on resulting in a cycle that cannot be altered. The detrimental part is in the case of an unplanned events or an emergency which requires change of plans and flexibility; it would become difficult to simply adapt to this change of routine thus resulting in an internal argument and indecision regarding whether to continue with this routine or digress a bit in a bid to deal with the emergency event; this can be very uncomfortable and often results in depression.......
The depression is simply a result of a slight change in routine but this depression doesn't depend on whether this change was deliberate or not, it's simply the brain's defence mechanism and compensation for alteration of cycle....thus proving that a fixed routine for a very long time can be detrimental if not altered once in a while. **This may not be scientifically accurate but I write out of my personal experience and observation of my brain's reaction to certain events which takes place right before depression sets in.**
According to ***webMD***; https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-to-know-about-how-to-deal-with-change&ved=2ahUKEwiMk6rtwab0AhXIgVwKHRH8DbcQFnoECAkQBQ&usg=AOvVaw1t4ozrpE_7HWueCPxP8bGR
***"When a major life change happens,***
***your brain automatically***
***sees it as negative.***
***This can influence your***
***decision-making process***
***and increase feelings of***
***anxiety and depression"***
This proves my point even further; I'm constantly trying to figure out the causes of my depression in a bid to suppress it in the best possible way as it cannot be cured, this suppression will go a long way in ensuring the quality of my life is improved while simultaneously constantly training myself to adapt to sudden changes and yada yada..
"***Change can sometimes occur***
***when you least expect it,***
***and may be out***
***of your control.***
***However, having the right***
***mindset and being flexible***
***are important parts of***
***dealing*** ***with change******.***" https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management
The above quoted statement may be right to a certain degree but is easier said that done as you cannot simply wake up on a Tueaday and device you don't want to be depressed by virtue of the sudden development of a "**right mindset and flexibility**". They seem like words coming from a person that has never experienced depressed as it requires a depressed person to understand your depression, you can't understand depression by reason alone; it's simply paradoxical and unrealistic.
**Lead image** https://unsplash.com/photos/_I5DYcYuo6c
Speaking of "right mindset and flexibility", it may be surprising but depressed people are the most right minded people you'd ever meet; they're mostly logical beings without a strand of belief in making decision out of emotions but in the relative term of "cause and effect".
Below quoted is a comment on quota regarding whether depression causes people to become more logical;
"***Logical thinking itself is***
***like a straight line.***
***There is little to no room***
***for hope or elation.***
***Yet there exists a loop hole***
***that brings into consideration***
***of 'what could go wrong***
***or the 'downs'"***
**Quoted text** https://www.quora.com/Does-depression-cause-some-people-to-become-more-logical-not-necessarily-rational-especially-those-who-experience-loss-of-emotions
In fact I could argue that depression is mostly caused by an excess of logic; having an extremely logical nature could be detrimental to ones mental health as the necessary emotional reaction to certain events may not exist- for instance jokes are meant to be laughed at but a logic extremist would simply try to make sense of the from a logical perspective to see if the word combinations are actually "joke' worthy.
***"Yes, psychologists call it***
***‘outside the box'"***
**Quoted text** https://www.quora.com/Is-it-possible-that-too-much-logic-can-cause-depression?top_ans=30305940
I often ask myself "is crying necessary?" as it doesn't change nothing but **belabors** a past event which obviously cannot be changed; logic says seek the solution and move on but emotions pulls you down and do not allow you think properly; thus proving that depressed people can be extremely logical even in depression as it allows them think outside the emotional box for a potential solution.
**I sometimes wonder; 'what if the cure for depression was depression".....**
**"*****If that feeling becomes unbearable,***
***you can seek help from a***
***mental health***
***professional"***
A statement I consider not entirely correct; mental health professionals are not exactly professionals in my opinions you can't understand depression if you've never been there, you cam only speculate, perhaps try to understand but youdbonly have a fragment, one out of a hundred missing details..
You may want to argue that a Doctor doesn't need to have cancer to treat cancer- depression and cancer are two different things and it's not worth stressing upon...
**At this point I consider Depression a compensation for routine change and excess of logic; feel free to change my mind only on the condition that you've experienced depression at some point...**
**It's all written out of personal experience and an in-depth study of cause and effect as related to my depression.**
**Toddles!**
****Citation (Quoted texts);****
**https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-to-know-about-how-to-deal-with-change&ved=2ahUKEwiMk6rtwab0AhXIgVwKHRH8DbcQFnoECAkQBQ&usg=AOvVaw1t4ozrpE_7HWueCPxP8bGR**
**https://www.webmd.com/balance/stress-management/stress-management**
**https://www.quora.com/Does-depression-cause-some-people-to-become-more-logical-not-necessarily-rational-especially-those-who-experience-loss-of-emotions**
**https://www.quora.com/Is-it-possible-that-too-much-logic-can-cause-depression?top_ans=30305940**
Lead image from **unsplash**
Personal conflict with "Personality disorder" and "autism"
I've been thinking a lot about my mental health lately; depression constantly pulls me down but I'm trying hard to be stronger, though it's not as easy as said but I'm optimistic I'd come out victorious. Depression is a serious challenge which shouldn't be taken for granted; I've been there, I am there, and it's a present continuous tense for me unless I find a solution to this happiness draining predicament. If in any case I'm unable to defeat depression then I'd probably find ways to adapt to this anomaly which has become a part of my life. I've been trying to understand the cause of my depression but no matter how hard I just can't makes sense of anything; it would seem that it simply comes out of nowhere like a switch suddenly flipped and decides to come after me with full force without holding back each time. If depression was a person then I'd call it my evil twin from another dimension; an evil twin which I detest and love simultaneously.
I've been doing some research lately while trying to find out if I've got a personality disorder or Autism....
I'm simply walking through.....
I'm addicted to depression
I've observed with time that depression can be additive; this addiction is the real danger- almost like a chip that has been implanted thus ensuring it's inevitable comeback. This observation was born out of personal experience; I've always been depressed since a very young age hence the addiction.
***"Depression can be***
***highly addictive"***
This is dangerous because you'd constantly feel like can't function properly depression, you'd begin to miss depression after days or months without it, which leads to even more depression because you'd feel like an essential part of you is missing. Depression has become a part of me and there's no denying it; don't worry I won't commit suicide.
Someone said I have a personality disorder
I've got no idea what this means but someone once said I've got a personality disorder after explaining the concept of my depression, my privacy issues which includes the fact that I do not appreciate being touched- human contact can be really weird, I don't like it when people touch me for no reason except the conventional exchange of pleasantries which lasts only for a few seconds, I don't believe in people keeping me company either because I enjoy my own company thus begging the question **"am I human?" The question of my humanity is story for another day....**
My mood swings can be extremely weird and over the top; one moment I'm glad you're here, and the next 'a **"rapid switch into another mood occurs"**, depression followed by depression and the need for privacy.
***"Personality disorder is often***
***characterized by the feeling***
***of emptiness and boredom"***
I'm with the highest certainty that I'm not Autistic neither have I got a personality disorder; dislikes are simply dislikes, wanting to be alone and having a high degree of privacy issues is simply "me" being human in my own way, the best way I can. **Although some personality disorder symptoms are evident in my syllogism yet I'd like to believe that It's mostly about my brain creating a set of rules**; these rules ensure my survival and that I live my life as comfortably as possible without holding back- afterall we only live once and we gotta live it in our own way for full satisfaction to be derived or we're probably going to live our lives in regrets; regrets in the form of the question "why didn't I choose to be me, why didn't I stand up for myself and follow my heart?"...... and yada yada.
**"*****Schizoid personality disorder involves***
***Limited range of emotional expression***"
My expressions are mostly limited; irrespective of how funny a joke is, I can choose to not laugh, I laugh only when I want to, I don't express happiness or sadness as my expression is usually the same in all situations. I remember my mom while she was still alive usually to complained that she didn't know when her son is happy or sad.. she complained about my being too rigid and unexpressive, constantly keeping to myself and not relating with anyone especially with visitors around.
I may have a personality disorder but this personality is enjoyable and I have no regrets; I simply need an adjustment of lifestyle, this adjustment will come in due time and when necessary.
I'm not autistic
I'd rather be plugged into the matrix while unaware of reality and living my entire life in a "**make-a-wish**" simulation than be Autistic; autism is usually diagnosed at childhood
***"Autism is***
***diagnosed at***
***at age two"***
I've been at the hospital more times than I can remember, needles have pierced my skin more than fifty times, those body fluids have gone through me, yet Autism wasn't diagnosed at any point. My point is; Autism doesn't hit you at adulthood unless you wanna talk about Alzheimer's disease which only affects the old, and this is something entirely different as it mostly entails loss of memory and hallucination which isn't a characteristic of autism.
Though I may have a relatively high IQ and difficulty in human relations except in special cases where my brain adapts by virtue of constant training, more training and rehearsals yet I'm convinced I'm not autistic.
***"Reliance on rules***
***and routines"***
Autism has a wide range of symptoms which includes reliance on rules and routines which I'm mostly guilty of...... I'd rather see a professional on these issues.
Is depression genetic?
Based on research and bla bla, I can conclude that depression does not have a clear pattern of inheritance, this conclusion is evident in my family history; neither of both parents suffered from depression during their lifetime, no sign of depression in extended family that I know of, at this point it would seem that I am the "black sheep of the family" (***haha***) and no denial is intended.
"**Genetic does not have a clear,**
**pattern of inheritance**"
**It was suggested that I see a psychologist; and I psychologist I will see provided the therapy isn't one to drive me to suicide.**
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
Detrimental to my mental health; body contact
I don't know if everyone else feels this way but I don't like being touched; I mostly feel uncomfortable and mostly excuse myself from a situation that would require me a person to come I'm contavt with me way more than a few seconds, except you're one of my two sisters or probably my best friend.. you may find this weird, In fact I sometimes search it on the internet as well- the keyword is "**why don't I like being touched**" unfortunately I havent seen any satisfactory anewer. This weird feeling gets even worse during depression... one moment I'm okay, the next I'm depressed and I simply wanna be alone while avoiding the slightest form of communication and contact with any living organism.
Yesterday was a really weird one; my cousins were around me as usual came to my room to keep me company but I guess it was quite the opposite as I do not need anyone to keep me company but myself...I guess thay needed some company hence decided to come over to my room- at that point I was feeling like me; zero depression and mood was exactly perfect and whatchamacallit until for no reason depression set in and I had to excuse myself from the room. I've been thinking about what could possibly have triggered depression at this point then I realised it was probably due to the fact that there was constant body contact with my cousins while they came to my room, I avoided this as many times as possible with everything within my power but some thing just can't be controlled... I'd get into this shortly;
Those kids; one 19, the other 15 came out of nowhere and decided to keep themselves company by coming to stay in my room, they were on bed with me at some point but some mistakes really happened, big mistakes; they were watching videos on their smartphones but it turned out that not everyone had the discipline of keeping to themselves; there was body contact at some point which wasn't comfortable because I don't appreciate being touched, I had to move few inches away but few seconds later one of my cousins placed his hands on my shoulder (at this point I was beginning to lose my mind); moved few inches away once more **but it turns out body contact is a part of human relationship that can't be escaped afterall they came to the room to keep me company but I didn't need this company as I enjoy my own company and "alone" has always been the keyword from childhood.**
**I at some point couldn't take it anymore; I simply like the "me" thing and human contact is a bit detrimental to my mental health** hence my mood moved to the upside down lane and I only had to excuse myself from the room without giving them a hint of what was happening.... I couldn't tell them "**your company is enjoyable but don't touch me**". I excused myself from the room and simply went to the dining room for some privacy as I couldn't take it anymore and was already beginning to feel depressed...... was there for about 30 minutes until I noticed both cousins were out of my room before finally returning to my privacy.. mood didn't get better because depression doesn't simply leave like a switch that can be turned on or off..
It turns out that my depression is sparked by a very insignificant factor but body contact is a very significant factor for me; I have no idea why I feel like this each time body contact is maintained far more than the usual 5 seconds of pleasantries (hugs and handshakes).....
Maybe I need to see a psychologist about my problems of not wanting to be touched because it's getting worse as time passes and I'm constantly risking depression from a simple handshake...
I'm depressed but I won't commit suicide, I'm stronger than that...
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
Depression; the comeback
I haven't been depressed in a very long time unfortunately I'm at it again; my last recorded depression was early October, barely a month now and it's back again in full force. Depression so hard that I almost skipped writing today because I have all of a sudden lost interest in anything that used to seem like fun for me, my favourite songs have become boring, those crypto charts are beginning to look like some complex math which I do not want to understand, I've become extremely quiet and I do not feel like I want to talk to or see anyone. Nothing basically interests me at this point but I simply had to force myself up to write this article so I wouldn't have to beat myself up for skipping writing today after all my "yes to writing everyday" challenge still exist, and although I can't control this depression, I wouldn't allow it influence my writing decision irrespective of how boring writing may feel at this moment.
Depression is a real killer, those who have never been depressed in their lives should consider themselves lucky, I sincerely envy them because they have no idea how gifted they are to not experience it. Depression cannot be explained, it simply comes and goes at will and the addiction part begins to come in with time; I have become addicted to being depressed such that I begin to miss it and sometimes feel like being depressed once more because my brain constantly tells me that depression will make me feel better, function better and think better in the hall of logic. It turns out that addiction to depression makes you feel like depression is te next best thing but as soon as it hits again you begin to feel like your life is basically pointless and your existence is negligible. I hate it when I'm depressed and I love it at the same time for reasons I cannot explain; I guess being addicted has warped my mentality and altered my logic about whether depression is good or bad as it has increasingly become difficult for me to decide.
Most people ask if there's something I'm going through or difficult times, most say I have every reason to be happy but I feel it should be known that depression and happiness are different things; depression is situation irrespective, it doesn't matter if you're rich, poor or middle-class, happy, sad, comfortable or whatever terminology describes various situations humans could exist- depression is simply depression and if it's meant for you then there's no escaping it.
Chester Bennington (lead singer for linking park, my favourite band) had everything or almost everything yet he was depressed for most of his life and eventually committed suicide on the 20th of June 2017; which proves that anyone can suffer from depression for no reason at all... Depression can't be explained; sometimes it's almost like there's a missing piece of your life and no matter how hard you try, you just can't figure out what's missing, sometimes it feels like your life is without a purpose, **without a direction and you're simply existing while following the flow of life like a dog chasing cars which if it caught one wouldn't know what to do with it..** that's what depression does to you, you'd hardly understand what's happening to you all you know is you don't wanna talk to or see anyone, everything becomes boring and you begin to question your existence. It comes without informing you; one moment you're happy, the next a transformation happens and all things happiness instantaneously vanishes before your eyes like the four dimensional divergence of an anti-symmetric second rank sensor (whatever that means).
I'm not suicidal; **I will not commit suicide** like Chester Bennington and some other people whom depression drove down the suicide lane, I will continue to fight it till the end and will eventually get used to it as a part of me if no solution arises. I don't want to see a psychologist or they're simply gonna rip me of my hard earned money and make me go through those meaningless and unending therapy which eventually drives their patients to suicide.
Though this depression may continue but it wouldn't be the end of me as I'd continually come out stronger and better......
**I feel alone in this world; no matter how many people I have around me, I continually feel alone....**
Was so gloomy throughout the night that I didn't feel like sleeping and this sleep I didn't have until few minutes past 4am. It was a really weird night and had to click on that call button on telegram by 3 am in a bid to eliminate this weird feeling... special thanks to my one and only Japanese-Filipino crush @Ayane-chan for keeping me company via call for about one hour, we talked about various things and this helped with feeling better. The depression wasn't evident in my voice; we both laughed at some point as the conversation was the "next best thing". Even in depression the love for my crush will continually exist and this was evident in the conversation.
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
From Night of visitation to irregular heartbeats
It's a Tuesday morning; just woke up few minutes ago- 10.41 am at the time of writing but it looks like I haven't slept at all, though I have but during the duration was really insignificant thus leading to irregular heart beats and my hands being a little shakier. You're probably wondering why I didn't have enough at night, we'd get into that shortly;
Yesterday was a really busy day for me, I was caught up with work throughout the day until a few minutes past 6 pm when I finally decided that was it for the day, it turned out that I didn't get to rest throughout not even an afternoon came through due to the humongous tasks that was before me, tasks which I'd rather not mention as it's highly confidential. I was so tired that I needed rest so badly unfortunately even the night was without the required sleep because- as mentioned two days ago, I've been with my uncle's for about a week now, and coincidentally they had a special program in church which they had to attend- **a night vigil which was to begin by 11 pm and would end by 2 am the following day which means there would be no sleep for me because I would have to go with them if I do not intend to be the prodigal son..haha..(deep down I'm the prodigal son but I'd rather not show it)...**
**I felt like I could escape attending the vigil, so many things cane across my mind at that moment but it turned out that I just had to go with them afterall it's just 11 pm to 2 am, a three hour program which would be over before I even know it afterall I could be at home and not sleep from 11 pm till day break and wouldn't know how fast time will pass until it's already day break; the only difference in this case is I'm not gonna be sitting or laying on bed, but it's gonna be all about sitting for a few minutes only after which it would be fervent prayer coulednwoth occasional singing and dancing which is basically stressful for my health considering that my heart should be resting and not going through that amount of stress at that time of the day or night.**
Long story short; I dressed up, wore my usual outfits- shirt, jean trouser, socks, canvas, and was looking fly as always when my cousin was like "**it's just a vigil you don't have to be so so...**". He didn't understand that it was my usual thing irrespective of where I was going; I don't put on slippers but canvas (I don'tbuy slippers because I don't wear them), neither do I put on short knickers except I'm indoor. **We got to the car, I brought out my wrist watch from my back pocket and once again he was like "you're dressed like we're actually going out" and my response was "aren't we? 🤷♂️". I just had to add this emoji 🤷♂️.... because his words were really weird.** Surpsisingly I was the only person with a proper outfit while every other pwrson simply wore casual wears like they were in their neighbourhood... I guess vigils are taken for granted in their church unlike the usual Sunday service where everyone dresses like they intend to kill.
The vigil began and the anticipated stand up, sit down, prayer, praise and worship session came along with the anticipated stress...my heart began to fluctuate at some point and felt like I was going to pass out; I didn't care about anything at this point but simply had to sit down even while everyone else was on their feet. If I drop dead during the program no miracle would wake me up because I could have easily avoided death by sitting down in a bid to relax my heart rate, and this is exactly what I did.
Image source
**By the end of the program my hands were already shaking and my heart rate was a really weird one, luckily we closed the program by exactly 2 am and we drove home afterwards. Few minutes past 2 am we were already at home and on my bed I went without thinking twice. I slept like a log of wood but waking up few minutes ago feels like I haven't slept at all hence I'd have to finish up this article and go back to Dreamland because that's a my body needs at the moment.**
**Oops I almost forgot breakfast exists... I'd go eat breakfast then return to Dreamland which means no interaction today until further notice.... we meet again..**
**My hypertension medications are finished hence I'd have to get new ones as soon as I'm awake from Dreamland..**
Toddles!
The most hated day of the week; no one is indispensable
It's another week, another day of waking early doing the needful and prepping for the stressful week that awaits, mondays are synonymous with stress and not wanting to wake up early. Who wouldn't like to stay on bed much longer in a bid to have that extra rest which the body has gotten used to during the weekend; unfortunately Mondays do not allow such luxuries hence we have to get out of bed super early so we could meet up with the tasks the new week has to offer. Thinking about the stress alone is another form of stress which I'd rather not think about if I intend to enjoy the rest of this most hated day of the week.. whether you are a student, an office worker or self employed person mondays are basically the same for us all... it's even worse for those that work at hike for reasons I can't explain. Working at home is much more stressful as you have to meet up with certain tasks with a given time frame hence over sleeping would be much more detrimental than over sleeping and getting to work late as all your get is simply a query from your boss. Working at home and not meeting up with targets in time meas you'd have to spend those unplanned extra hours in ensuring your meet up with the lost time....this can be even more stressful that the conventional "**wake up and go to work**" thing.
The good thing about this most hated day is that you'd automatically adapt to its complexities once you can force your way out of bed and get dressed. The truth is a body at rest wants to remain at rest but once it is eventually forced out of rest it becomes used to the running here and there and you wouldn't even realise it until the day is almost going to an end.
No one is indispensable
All I want at the moment is to sleep and have even more sleep because I've been having chest pain from lack of sleep; I guess my blood pressure is beginning to fluctuate once again due to lack of rest and having too much calculations flowing through my head. I need that rest and that rest is what I will have to give myself if I intend to not breakdown like the last time. After all health is wealth, if I die someone else will take my place and the work will continue without me... I've learnt that people move on really fast after the death of a loved one and a new person can easily occupy the empty space within a short period of time. Knowing that no one is indispensable has helped me to take things easy and allowed me to consider my health first before anything else.
Though it's a monday yet this sleep is what I'm going to give myself without holding back;bafter all a long life is what I intend to live where I'd have a wife, a side chick and lots of children...no concubine included.. I'm not a woman lover lik...I'm a BCH lover.
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
A decision out of conviction for the manifestation of a greater purpose
I'm glad I went to church today (my church) as things happened and it would have been bad but I'm glad my going wasn't in vain. It turned out that God had greater plans and he intended to use me for his Glory; at the end of the service I was really glad I went because things would have been different if I had not gone. The urge to go to my church today was in my heart, had been in my heart since days before, and got even stronger this morning. Hence the decision couldn't be ignored- will get to this shortly.
I mentioned in "grateful for a day like this; sunday here I come" that I've been in my uncle's place since Tuesday; went to pay a visit with plans of staying here for a bout a week or two, I mentioned I didn't have plans of following them to their church but had had the urge to go to my own church for no reason at all, I simply wanted to go to my church- the decision was made but I didn't tell my uncle before today; at a point this morning after I was dressed I was in doubt concerning how to tell him I wouldn't be following them to their church but would be going to mine, after all I was a visitor and not following them to their church would seem weird... I ignored how it was going to sound and simply went to him this morning while he was in the kitchen.. my words were "**I'd be going to my church this morning, I've got commitments and didn't tell them I wouldn't be around hence I need to be there**", my uncle's words were "**alright, I guess I'd have to dress up on time so I can drop you at the nearest bustop**". https://read.cash/@Kristofferquincy/antebellum-major-spoilers-6442e099
Lead image
Kaboom! It was easier, left home few minutes to 8 am, was dropped at the nearest bustop while he drove to church with his wife and children (my cousins). Took the nearest available vehicle and off to my I went; I was glad to be there, never been happier to be in church and surprisingly it was going to be even more exciting and didn't realise this until it happened.
I got to church; pleasantries were exchanged and the first thing the pastor asked me was "where is Peter", a random usher asked the same thing "where is Peter" which my answer was "I don't know". Had to make them understand that I haven't been around in days and I came from my uncle's place with plans of returning afterwards. I know you're probably wondering who peter is... **he is the official drummer for my the church branch I attend.**
**He was no where to be found as Sunday school progressed, service was about to begin and he wasn't there as well. damn this is bad as there would be no one to play the drums, thus making the praise and worship section a bit weird and unusual.. there was only one option at this point and that was me volunteering to play the drums.**
Image source
Guess what- I played the drums today and I'm glad I did. At this moment I realised this was the major reason my mind was disturbed; things would have been different if I wasn't there as there would be no one else to do this, it would have been bad, the prasise and worship section, opening and closing hymn plus other singing sessions would have been made uninteresting and may have felt slightly empty and lagging.
I'm glad God decided to use me to make things different... now I see the reason for my action; God was prepping me for something great- a manifestation of his glory which is within me.
**I played the drums throughout the service and the drummer didn't show up till the end of it all.....**
Surpsisingly I haven't played the drums in years, last time I played the drums was 2017 due to some complicated personal reasons. I played it again today; though a bit rusty and felt initially uncomfortable but I adapted quickly and was able to do a little something. Though i didn't play perfectly as I made some really obvious mistakes because it's been years I picked up those drum sticks, yet I'm grateful to God because He allowed me to be used for his Glory.
Toddles!
All Images from unsplash
Grateful for a day like this; Sunday here I come
Today is a sunday; the day of the lord, the day we gather in a very special place called "church" in a bid to reference him, listen to his word and commit all things unto his hands. It's a really wonderful opportunity to be alive and healthy to experience a new day and I'm grateful for this opportunity, I'm especially happy because I'd get to go to once again; last week was a mess, was in the hospital from Saturday till Sunday morning after which I was discharged and forced myself to go to church because I didn't want to be the only person at home, didn't want to stay home alone. Forced my way to church and couldn't participate in any of the activities as I was still recovering; I basically sat there all through the program, only forced myself up when it was time for the anointing service as is commonly done every first Sunday of the new month.
I'm grateful to God for so many things including sound health because as mentioned already, last week was a mess but this mess has been turned into glorious salvation, God was directing my step into greatness and doing all things for the manifestation of that glory he has put within me; I'm sincerely grateful and I forever will be. He has done so much for me more than I can imagine; the air I breathe, the water I drink, the functioning if my body system, the blood that flows through me; being alive alone is worth giving thanks for because a lot wish to be bere today but death took them away faster than they could imagine- being alive is by God's grace and this grace will not be taken for granted.
I'm currently with my uncle, been here since Tuesday as mentioned in "an open diary of self investment and improvement or whatchamacallit". I do not intend to go to church with them but will be going to my church- my usual church at Ikorodu instead of following them to Ebute, I do not really like going somewhere else as I've gotten used to my church and it's activities; though I haven't mentioned it to my uncle yet at the time of writing but I'd tell him as soon as I'm done writing and will leave hence. 7.12 am at the moment but I intend to leave home by 7.30 which means of have to round up while write-up as quickly as possible if I intend to not go to church late- something I do not appreciate. https://read.cash/@Kristofferquincy/an-open-diary-of-self-investment-and-improvement-or-whatchamacallit-baf4d128
I'm fully dressed and looking fly; I feel like the most beautiful person in the world at the moment but I wouldn't be sharing pictures as I can be extremely shy plus there is not time because I'm running late already...
The full gist would he given as soon as I'm back.. still next time...
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
An open diary of self investment and improvement or whatchamacallit
The past few days have been really exciting for me; left the hospital on Monday morning which obviously wasn't fun, stayed on bed all day like a log of wood and bla bla till Tuesday all thanks to the medications plus I was still recovering from malaria. The exciting part is I forced myself out of bed on Tuesday afternoon as I had plans of going to my cousins' place in another part of Lagos, it was a tough one initially as the medications were pulling me back to bed but I had to fight it as I was much stronger hence I jumped out of bed and kaboom... I was on my feet. It wasn't easy initially as my sight was initially blurry and the ground was shaking beneath me but proved to be stronger once again and with time my body automatically adapted to the forces of nature- I guess the blurred sight was a result of being grounded on bed for days or whatchamacallit..
Surprisingly I felt absolutely fine, all things tiredness and sickness related instantly got kaboomed from me as soon as I forced myself out of bed; turns out my entire system was excited I was gonna be leaving the house and paying my cousins a visit.. it may not seem like much to you guys but to me it's something special as I'm am absolutely indoor person; I've always enjoyed the indoors from childhood and going out isn't something I like to do very often, I'm fact I sometimes which I could magically appear wherever I wish to go without having to be go out there and risk being seen by people as I do not like being seen (I know I'm weird but don't say it). I guess my body was happy to owabe the house hence it cooperated with me and decided to play nice, my health has been normal ever since... though I got treated, my body wanted to explore a bit of the outside world as well.
Been at my cousin's place since Tuesday evening and it's been fun so far; though I'm mostly indoors but it's my own way of having fun as the boiz are always there to keep me company and it would seem that they are enjoying it company as well, I'm gonna be here for as long as possible (as long as possible for me isn't more then two weeks) after which I may not be seeing them anytime soon as I'm an extremely busy man or boy or whatever you choose to call me as I'm still growing... (I'm a man).
I've been on a journey of self improvement since I got here; being here has allowed me to think straight, to think properly as my mind has mostly been crowded by distractions and depressions. I feel much better being here and my mind is able to settle down to think straight for the first time in a very long time; turns out that family has a special way of making you feel at home. Being here has been fun and advantageous to my mental health, the most exciting part is although I discovered myself a long time ago, my mind is finally opening up to to new possibilities all thanks island the change of environment, I guess that is what my mind has always needed; I gave it what it wants and I'm beginning to think better towards self improvement. I'm currently on a journey towards self improvement; I've been spending my time on learning new things, been paying a lot of money to learn a lot of things since I got here, I'm basically investing in myself in a bid to get better, to be a better version of myself, to be better than I was yesterday. It's all about bucking the status quo and there's no holding back until I achieve my goal. This may not seem like much but I'm excited because I came here to have fun and I'm having even more fun by learning that which will benefit me both now and in the future.
I've got no idea if any of these makes any sense, I simply write as my heart speaks without holding back; thanks for understanding that my mind is a fragile construct which constantly needs to ease itself of whatever bothers it by writing irrespective of whether it makes sense or not in a bid to keep my sanity intact.
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
Taken for granted; not anymore (sudden realisation)
My life has been going without direction for some time; I feel lost, empty, feel like I've not been good enough and not been doing the right thing, and this is the bitter truth. I've been trying to understand my purpose for quite some time but I can't seem to grasp it; thinking about it each time makes it even tougher and I've got no idea where to begin or what to do... I sometimes feel like I'm not doing enough or not doing anything at all as time constantly passes by me daily without fulfilling a strand out of my purpose of existence.... it suddenly dawned on me that I've been living without letting God lead; as life without God is a life without a purpose...
I have not been praying, not been commnicating with with God like I used to; I've not committed myself into prayer for a very long time, neither have I put myself into the study of his word; I'm guilty of all these and there's no denying that I've gotten too busy with life that all I have is excuses and reasons to not pray. Excuses like "I get so busy during the day that my brain shuts down at night", "I feel so tired that all I need is sleep"; I've been sleeping since I was born yet I still have to sleep everyday thus showing how vain the concept of sleep is as compared to the glory of God which we choose to ignore by claiming we're so tired that all we need is sleep. Sleep we will get, but what happens when we sleep and do not wake up anymore, who is going to be blamed, ourselves or God? Of course God can't be blamed for our mistakes and act of negligence. I am guilty of being so busy that I do not render a word of prayer even just for two minutes; after all we create time for what we're interested in hence being busy isn't an excuse as there are so many times within 24 hours when we simply stare into deep space and think about nothing but oblivion, we keep ourselves busy throughout the day while thinking about self empowerment and going on a journey towards self discovery and improvement without ckmsoderimg the all-father who knows it all and sees the end from the beginning; almost like we are in his very own Matrix.
Was on bed and with the intention to retire for the night when thoughts like these crossed my mind; I have been unfaithful, unrighteous, unworthy, yet his unending grace has always been sufficient; this grace has been taken for granted more times than I can remember yet he is always willing to wipe the slate clean. I thought about my lack of communication with God, my diminished prayer life, my conscious sins and blasphemous acts on several occasions; yet when the children of God are asked to gather I choose to play along; this is a sincere act of neglecting what really matters, and chasing after materials in a bod for survival has become the watchword as soon as I wake up, without considering that someone out there (God) has decided that I should wake up, someone out there decided to give me one more chance every single day yet I choose to take this chance for granted.
I have taken this grace for granted but not anymore as I have come to realise my mistakes, my flaws, my imperfection and my sins... I have gotten so busy chasing after the wind while forgetting that life is transient, life is fleeting, life can be taken away by the creator in the twinkle of an eye and the final regret will turn out to be a forever regret..... hash-tag there are no redo's in death... for once you're dead it all ends and everything you were busy chasing while on earth will no longer be yours but for a stranger that has no idea how it all came through.
Struggling for survival daily is important, aiming for financial security is important as well, referencing God is even more important after all it's a life of vanity; eternity awaits and what would be our excuse when the time of reckoning finally comes...
I thought about all these last night before retiring to bed and realised how careless I have been...I have taken his grace for granted but not anymore....
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
Specials thanks goes to @mictorrani for the new sponsorship; you're the boss. 😍😍 lots of love for you... don't tell anyone..
Participate in the Quidax token "vault" for free wakanda Inu tokens
Wakanda Inu token is another meme token out of the many that has broken records by growing by 7x in the past week and moving up to over 300% in the last 24 hours hence raising world wide interest in this digital anomaly. This meme coin has since been listed on several exchanges including coinmarketcap for curious minds to get more information on the project. Shit coins have been all over the place for quite sometime and increased in popularity especially with the increase in unemployment rate since the covid-19 lockdown rendered so many jobless, hence many a people including crypto newbies have adapted the trend of buying shitcoins as soon as they are launched with the hope of high profitability within a short time frame. Wakanda Inu token is one of these memecoins that has gained popularity within a short period from its launch and seems to be doing well in the market.
Image source https://coinmarketcap.com/currencies/wakanda-inu/
What is Quidax?
Quidax is a polular cryptocurrency exchange platform registered in Malta (one of the few countries open to cryptocurrencies and establishing a regulatory framework), launched on the 1st of August 2018, and allows users to buy, sell, swap and store cryptocurrencies similar to other popular exchange platforms.
Image source https://www.quidax.com/
Some of the features of Quidax are;
Buy/ sell
Swap
Send/ receive
Quidax vault and so on... https://blog.quidax.com/what-is-qdx-vault/
I only intend to do a quick overview hence you can click here for more information on Quidax and it's mode of operation; or consult other sources on the internet for further reading. https://www.nigeriabitcoincommunity.com/quidax-review/
Free Wakanda tokens from Quidax
Quidax has promised to give out wakanda Inu tokens for free for the next seven days until a total of 200 Billion Wakanda Inu tokens have been distributed with the very simple requirement of staking a minimum of 500 QDX in the Quidax vault for the 7 day a1rdrop period. It should be noted that unstaking the QDX before the 7 day a1rdrop period is over means you will stop getting free tokens.
How to stake QDX
Buy atleast 500 QDX; this can be done by simply sending some amount of USDT to Your Quidax USDT address and swapping it for Quidax token
Lock it in the Quidax vault; the vault button is located under the receive button in the Quidax wallet as shown in below screenshot;
Image Source
Wait for your daily airdrop; you'd get free Wakanda tokens everyday until the 7-day a1rdrop period is over. The amount to be distributed per user is unknown and may simply be distributed randomly as I am totally unaware of the distribution pattern.
***"Disclaimer; I'm not advertising the platform Quidax, neither is this a form of financial advise. I am simply writing this to make the information publicly known as information should be free. I participated in this campaign with a very negligible amount that I can afford to lose in a bid to see if the platform is able to meet up with its promise after the seven day Quidax token "vault" campaign".***
As seen in below screenshot, I have locked (staked) a total of 736 QDX which is about 30 USD; a very insignificant amount of money for the purpose of testing the system, and will write about the outcome whether I receive the a1rdrop after my initial 24 hour period or not....
Click here for the official announcement from Quidax Blog https://blog.quidax.com/wakanda-inu-airdrop/
Learn everything about the Quidax Vault Here https://blog.quidax.com/what-is-qdx-vault/
I could ne addicted to drugs but I choose to be addicted to BCH and writing on read.cash; the most healthiest obsession ever. .. check it out here.. https://read.cash/@Kristofferquincy/my-little-obsession-with-not-drugs-6b07d4b8
My little obsession with "not drugs"
My eyes have become really heavy as sleep is pulling me towards dreamland but I can't stop staring at those crypto charts; all I see is red, green, red and green; lines which I mostly do not understand but pretend to understand in a bid to make some profit off trading while simultaneously reducing risk to the minimal. Those charts are always in my head and all I see in my dream is the red and green candle stick; at this point it's difficult to draw the line between obsession and addiction as I've got no idea if they're two different words with same meaning as English tends to be really confusing sometimes and everytime.
I wake up in the morning and the first thing I stare at is those charts which I hardly understand, what really matters to me is that I occasionally get profit from it, though a very insignificant amount of money when compared to what two crypto experts- @Jane and @Pantera make from trading daily, yet I still appreciate the little I have. It would seem that I have become obsessed with cryptocurrency especially with BCH that I can't wake up in the morning without thinkimg about my portfolio and a potential rise in it's value. **I sometimes imagime waking up to seeing BCH back at $1600 as it previously was about 6 months back; I sincerely can't wait for that to happen as I really want to see BCH in the moon once more.**
At this point in my life all I care about is money and more money as I'm growing daily hence I expect my finance to grow along with me, and even much more than I can extrapolate because we are in a world where money matters a lot and basically nothing can be done without it; you may wanna argue that we breathe, sleep and wake up daily and money has got nothing to do with that but I assure you that money will ensure that the quality of your life is maintained as sound health can never be obtained in poverty; it's a practically impossible tense. I do not intend to talk about the importance of money, my point is... **all I think about these days is money which makes me wonder if this obsession is a healthy one; whether healthy or not my three obsessions still remain; noise.cash, read.cash and crypto trading. I'm obsessed with NFT gaming as well but I learnt my lesson with Axie infinity as it resulted in mental stress which almost took my life hence this obsession had to be put to rest. Though I began researching splinterland and already created an account, I'm being careful not to allow it drain my chakra like Axie infinity did to me or I may not live to tell the end of the story.**
My family should really consider themselves lucky; I could be addicted to drugs but I'm not; they say I spend too much time staring at my laptop and pressing my smartphone in search of whatever, but I constantly tell them they have no idea how lucky they are to have me; they do not have a drug addict in the family, I constsnrly feel like I deserve an aeard for this.... my obsession is in making sure that crypto portfolio grows daily by constantly doing whatever it takes which includes writing on read.cash, making some noise on noise.cash, starting at those confusing crypto charts all day, nft gaming and yada yada...even if it means getting sick too often provided I do not die.
Long story short; I'm obsessed with making money provided it's in a very legal way, and nothing can take this obsession away from me afterall money is essential for survival. Don't we all want to live that comfortable life? Don't we all......
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash; a free to use image source.
Writing about not knowing what to write; addicted to read.cash not drugs
I feel so tired this morning that all I wanna do is sleep all day without holding myself back, at the same time I can't let a day pass without writing on this platform hence I'm filled with the finest form of indecision. My body needs that sleep badly, my hands also need to write the usual "little sense making" articles of mine hence making it tough to make a decision... case solved; I forced myself out of bed and decided to write about the fact that I do not know what to write. Yes, I'm out of ideas at the moment, my brain is basically empty and I'm simply typing whatever comes to mind without thinking twice, afterall what matters is that my words are readable and making a strand of sense to whoever decided to read them. I hate it when I feel this way; I wanna write but my head is too empty to even think of something reasonable, and at the same time sleep calls upon me.. my eyes are closing at the time of writing, thus making it a battle between staying awake and drifting off to dreamland or Disneyland maybe.. it's almost like a fight between good and evil but in this case it's tough to decide which is good and which is evil; I mean..sleep is good for the body, writing is also good for me since I'd get to make my beloved BCH hence it's difficult to decide which is good and which is evil. Perhaps it shouldn't be classified as good and evil but as good and greater good; if sleep is good for my body then writing in a bid to make those BCH should be classified as the greater good....hence I choose writing over sleep.
Since I need to sleep as badly as I need to write, I concluded that I can have both by letting one wait for the other; case closed. Simple solution is write first then sleep afterwards; that way I'm satisfied and happy as I do not get to skip one for the other but maximum satisfaction is derived from doing both... I may be lacking the necessary inspiration to write this morning but there is always a solution to it, this solution is what I'm doing right now which is writing about the fact that I do not know what to write.
Oh what a relief! I feel like a criminal in this kind of situation; while everyone else decides not to write whenever they're basically short of ideas or words or whatever best describes what I'm feeling right now (brain block), I on the other hand choose to do it differently by writing about my brain block as I do not succumb to defeat easily. Brain block cannot defeat me as I am in control of certain things in my life therefore writing about "not knowing what to write" can be a really good escape route. The major reason I insist on writing everyday irrespective of writer's block is due to the fact that I've gotten used to writing everyday as I've been doing since the month of August hence passing a day without writing makes me feels like a piece of me which cannot be replaced has been taken away; it's almost like an addiction. You could say I'm addicted to writing on this platform but it's a good thing I'm addicted to BCH and not to drugs.....
Writers block and the need to sleep may be strong but I'm stronger.... hence I'm saying yes to writing everyday and nothing can stop me, not even sickness as I'd always overcome it's gravitational pull no matter how strongly it comes. Writing on Read.cash and making some noise on noise.cash have become a part of me which I cannot do without and I'm glad to be addicted to these platforms and not to drugs.
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
Sleep when you can; or be a smartphone zombie
The night has come when every man must retire to his place of rest; don't we all need sleep... we wouldn't survive a week without it as it's our body's recharge mechanism; a recharge mechanism which I have been defying and cheating for days and weeks and months thus resulting in my recurring hypertension. They say you can't cheat nature but I've pushed myself to a point where nature has begun to hate me thus gathering itself in full form and hitting me back with a dose my body can't take..therefore bringing about stress and sickness, and all things not good for the human body. What if nature could be cheated, what if I didn't need to sleep anymore and still retained sound health? Story for another day....
I constantly blame myself for being the cause of my hypertension as I have developed a habit of not sleeping early for years but it isn't my fault when viewed from a technical perspective as my brain is always full of activities during the day that the sleep hardly even comes thus leading to insomnia at some point. I remember that about 6 to 7 years back I used to have insomnia, the deserved sleep just wouldn't come through irrespective of how hard I try to force it; imagine closing your eyes for a long time only to open it later and realise it has been two hours since you closed your eyes and the sleep simply didn't make any attempt to force its way in. Yes, you read it right; I sometimes close my eyes for two hours straight and wouldn't even feel a slight form of dizziness or something close to sleep; this may seem impossible but you could ask other peeps with insomnia and they'd share an even worse experience.. well, this was about 6 years ago and it's past now but I've gotten used to not sleeping that even after the insomnia episodes left, I still find it difficult to sleep early hence my recurring hypertension. Contrary to that most people think, hypertension is not necessarily caused by thinking or having too many things on your mind; a simple lack of sleep for days, weeks, and months is enough is trigger this incurable disease... surprisingly the world health organisation worked too hard to create a cure for covid-19 but didn't do the same for people suffering from hypertension, turns out their priorities are somewhat misplaced out of a false sense of self righteousness.
Been thinking a lot about being a control freak; what if I had a way of cheating nature such that I no longer needed to sleep, imagine me simply needing to recharge a special battery which I connect to my brain cells to stop my brain from realising I haven't slept for days and months. Imagine all I needed was a machine with infinite supply of tachyons which recharged my brain cells with enough anount of energy daily that sleep would no longer he needed and would become totally obsolete. I sometimes imagine that there was no such thing as sleep and humans completely forgot about the fact that something like that used to exist because technology has paved way for humans to defy nature and sleep is now something we tell to our grandchildren as moon lighting stories because events have totally overtaken the need for it. All imaginations but I think we're getting there.
**What is my point exactly?** It's quite simple; lack of sleep mostly contributes to my constantly being sick and it's simply inevitable for me as I've gotten used to being awake for hours, plus sleep is no longer something I enjoy as 24 hours is not enough to achieve all I need to. If only sleep could be replaced with another recharge mechanism, if only....then perhaps the world would be a happier place.. no... I mean the world will be a less happier place filled with smartphone zombies here and there living their lives with the aim of **bucking the status quo** without having to give it a rest, thus losing what allows them to be called humans...."sleep".
All my jargon so far comes down to these eight words which is "**Sleep is necessary and it can't be replaced**"......
**Sleep when you can or be a smartphone zombie.**
Toddles!
Lead image from unsplash
@Kristofferquincy
