It was a very rough and restless night; I hardly slept as I simply rolled on the bed from one spot to another due to the fact that I was constantly losing my mind and my hands were constantly shaky throughout the night. It was a really rough one and I can hardly tell if I actually had a good sleep or not; though I had dreams somewhere along the way but they were very rough ones, the kind of dreams you have when you're sick, dreams where you have no idea what's happening to you but simply flow with the vibes and wake up without understanding anything that happened. At some point I felt like I haven't slept at all because I was basically losing my mind throughout the night and my while body felt like it didn't exist. I don't know how best to explain it but I was totally restless last night and I wanted the night to be over as quickly as it started.
It would seem that I'm not totally fine and at this rate I'm gonna be confined to this bed for a very long time; my hands are shaky, I can hardly grasp anything without it falling from my hands, my whole body is shaky like an harmonic oscillator under forced vibrations. My voice sounds weird, I don't sound like me, I don't feel like me, I can't see like me; I can't see clearly at the moment and everything is really weird... it all comes down to one thing which is that I need even more rest than ever..
It has all been like a dream since I got back from the hospital yesterday morning; I can hardly remember the conversation of the previous day, I don't know if there's a special thing I should remember but it's all blurry upstairs and I'm not willing to force it, I'd simply let everything flow in a singular manner and let it all come back the same way it went. I've got zero appetite for food, nothing interests me except ice cream which I do not think is advisable considering it would be too cold for my body to handle, the world is shaking beneath me hence I can't stand on my own for minutes without feeling like I'm gonna fall or perhaps the ground is gonna pull me towards itself. Basically the symptom at this point is imbalance...I don't feel balanced enough to do anything on my own; I require assistance at every step unfortunately I'm in a place where nobody cares hence I've got two options; return to the hospital this morning or the second option which is a secret....but you don't have to worry as it does not involve suicide- I'm not going to die now and nothing will push me to take life out of myself; too many things to consider including the fact that I'm a 1 BCH holder... more reasons to live...I'm aiming for 2 BCH, then 5, then 10 then...infinity. I'm a sick man but with a brain that says remain alive and don't die.
My night was so rough that I had about four to five false awakening; I saw myself pickup my phone to write this article, wrote it to an extent then suddenly woke up to see that I was still dreaming. I unfortunately was so weak that I didn't realise when I fell asleep again and the same thing repeated itself about three more times until I couldn't take it anymore and finally jerked myself back to the real world as I was tired of living in the matrix.
I'm awake now- and sincerely hope this not another false awakening, if it turns out to be so then I'd simply give up and not write this article anymore as it has gotten to the point where my mind can no longer take it. I'm now at point break and I need to relax as I'm tired already and can't go on writing because I'm already out of words.
It turns out that all the stress I've veen going through since january finally decided to strike back; I guess it's their time to shine and I'd allow them only for this short period as id be back to my feet shortly and will be back to my usual attitude of constantly running my mouth and causing trouble here and there on the internet especially on Twitter. The world awaits my return, and my return you will have.
I have no idea how I'm feeling at the moment, I simply had to force myself to write this as my hands are really shaky. I'd probably shut down on my bed once more... till I'm able to interact again; I'm kristoffer and I miss you all.
Toddles!
Heeyy, I hope that you feel better now. Please don't strain yourself too much. Take a rest please.