Create your purpose without sentiments

17th of March 2022

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I feel like being sick sometimes influences my ability to think. It makes me think better, faster and smarter. It allows me push my emotions aside and face the truth, the reality of life which I'd rather not talk about. The same way I think better and work with more discipline during my episodes of depression.

As a person who has gone through a lot of pain in the past and has cried out his heart on several occasions, I realise that our emotions are nothing but our weaknesses. @Olasquare may disagree as we've had this conversation about five months before now on noise.cash or so.

I feel your emotions make you vulnerable, makes you weak, and doesn't allow you see the greater picture before you. The greater picture of- "everything burns". I see a lot of people refuse to accept the fact that certain things are beyond our control and that regardless of our actions or decisions, we'd still lose what we're meant to, and gain or retain what we can.

Sometimes we just have to sit it out and observe instead of interfering with everything for one simple reason- we can't change anything. We can only try but who are we if the programmer says he wants otherwise. The programmer called 'god' with a capital 'g'.

In the end, we are nothing but programs init!

Programs that try as much as possible to convince ourselves that we are sentient beings capable of being free. We try to escape the earth often via rockets and explore the nearest universe while searching for answers that aren't there, and never stop to think if this is also a part of our programming- to search till we die but never find an answer.

Sometimes I wonder where it's all gonna end. I wonder if I'd be part of the civilisation that goes to mars. If I am, then would I conclude that I was programmed by the creator to do so?- Food for thought.

Wondering where it will all end makes me wonder what my purpose is. I have tried as much as possible to not interfere in any major event in this timeline, thus avoiding any nexus event or anomaly. I simply prefer to watch from a distance to see where it's all going and what event will take place after this.

I feel like my purpose in life is not to interfere but to see where it will all end.

An example will suffice- instead of falling in love, I'd choose to let her be and see who she's gonna end up with if not me. Instead of advising, I'd choose to ignore to see where it will end without my advice. Instead of helping a baby falling from his or her mom's back when I can, I'd choose to not help to see if the baby will survive the fall without my help.

After all, my purpose has been defined and I simply want to watch the alternate outcome. Instead of interfering, I ask myself the question 'what if I wasn't here, wouldn't they live their lives?'. I tell myself 'observe from a distance and let's see what happens next'. But for what reason? I can't say. Maybe the creator has programmed me to be this way- maybe, maybe not.

I don't know anything, I'm just speculating.

My purpose is beyond the understanding of a lot of people, peeps which I'd rather not mention in a bid to not cause an uprising.

Speaking of uprising, I sometimes feel like my purpose is also to casually cause an uprising by default and simply watch the drama unfold. I'd rather not do so tonight but will remain the gentle me- a broken boy whose childhood was taken away before it even began, a victim of circumstance whose heart will never heal from the trauma of losing loved ones while growing up.

Yes, I'm a broken boy and I know it. My emotions died a long time ago and I do not intend to bring it back to life by doing something as stupid as falling in love. I believe in logic over emotions and I'd rather not go further.

You may judge what I consider my purpose in life, but I'd rather not if I were you. I'd say- go create yours.