The past few days have been especially weird, things happened so fast that I can hardly pin-point a reason for each events; looks like everything happened spontaneously, and so fast that it's difficult to decide if a certain string of event was yesterday or the day after. The fragile construct of time is simple passing me by without a linearity in its pattern- almost like time has begun to flow without direction and all events are taking place simultaneously; a paradox I cannot and will never understand. All I know is I'm alive and have got no idea what has been happening in the past few days; I'm simply flowing with the passage of time and flowing with the string of events that follow suit.
I was anticipating christmas at some point until it suddenly dawned on me that we were in nothing but an unending loop of nothingness hence this anticipation became equivalent to zero and another episode of depression came through. This depression is reflective of the fact that I I gotten tired of this matrix and I'm beginning to lose my mind.
As mentioned by @Olasquare in his last article depression is not always about money; not many people understand this, they think depression comes out of the inability to get an essential need or due to a certain level of poverty and yada yada but it's not exactly so. Depression is a fragile construct which can never be understood, hits you with full force and drains every form of happiness and motivation to remain alive. I do not intend to point out the complexities of depression as I'm no expert on these things and have got no idea how depression works- I'm simply a person whose best friend's name begins with a letter "D" for Depression.
Back to the christmas spirit
I was no longer anticipating Christmas and all things funfair had been eliminated from my mind since the beginning of this week, in fact life itself became tiring and I wanted to kaboom out of it in a flash so I could sing the hallelujah chorus with the Angels provided I wasn't sent to hell for committing suicide. The only problem is; girl friends and side chicks may not exist in higher planes hence I had to change my mind, plus support from friends made me re-think my decision.
I appreciate a special friend as well-@Lucifer01, his words as quoted below:
"I would go there and slap you if you ever try to hurt yourself. Told you, you are a family guy. Act like a responsible family member"
Decided to not die anymore as I do not intend to get slapped with a hammer in the after-life by lucifer himself. Thanks man- you're the Boss.
Support from not-friends as well is also appreciated, pretenders whose names I wouldn't mention- weird peeps who requested for my number so they could speak to me either via WhatsApp or phone call but eventually didn't do neither due to the fact that their care was simply at the tip of their tongue and simply put on a charade out of their misplaced sense of self righteousness in order to be seen as caring among their group of friends in their so-called whatsapp group chat which is owned by a person who aims for nothing more than self glorification and an undeserved sense of entitlement to respect due to being bullied as a kid and lacking proper parenting.
I'm simply passing by and writing as my heart says..... I wouldn't go further.
"Regardless of fake peeps here and there, My christmas spirit was initially dead but came back yesterday all thanks to my dear friend MJ....."
The Christmas spirit according to @bmjc98
While reading through my notification yesterday evening, I came across Mj's post where she mentioned she was giving her favourite peeps presents for christmas and luckily I was tagged among the luckyfriends to get a Christmas present. I was initially sceptical and unmotivated until I decided to check it out and kaboom...it was too good to be true.
I saw what she had in store for @PVMihalache, it was really convincing, saw her plans for other peeps as well until.it eventually got to my turn which made me excited as I was anxious to see what I was gonna be getting.
The below screenshot explains it all; read through while I flex my typing fingers...
"@bmjc98's gift to me, too good to be true but I never doubted it until........"
I was so excited that I instantly took a screenshot for proof so I could show it so someone, @HappyBoy maybe, I already thought about where I could go for the vacation and the three people that could tag along- I dbt of I have up to three real friends except on socials..thinkimg about all these was so exciting that my Christmas spirit woke up as quickly as they had died.
I decided to read the article once more in a bid to clear my doubt until I realised that it was nothing more than a virtual Christmas gift which wouldnt go beyond the pages of read.cash......
@bmjc98 is such a genius; thanks for making me feel happy though it was only temporary and for that moment only, yet I sincerely appreciate your effort in ensuring I smile once again..
Toddles!
Welcome back bro. From your photo, you appear like a very cheerful person with no worries in the world. More like someone that make others laugh out loud when they are depressed..... So, you think you would travel out of Nigeria for vacation. sorry to burst your bubble bro, we die here .π