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How are you awesome people of read cash family? I hope everyone was doing well.
I have immersed myself in my downside earlier today. I was consumed by my anger and without any hesitation, I spill words like blades that hurt someone. I don't care anymore if those words are inappropriate and can break a relationship. The anger which consumes me was like a huge fire that eats my system from head to toe. It brings back all the previews failure, the unfulfilled promises, etcetera, etcetera, that fired more my mind to spit it all at once.
Maybe you already know the feeling if someone pissed you off without precautions as if you are the one who commits the biggest mistakes. I admit, I also made mistakes but to use that to overpower me in no time was wrong. It makes my blood boil to the highest point lol.
I woke up a bit late this morning, as usual, I hurriedly prepare everything that we need before going to work. I don't have enough time so I just let some of my house chores undone and just finish what is important. When I already set up I woke hubby to take his preparation too, it was a few minutes late than his usual setting. And the blaming started...it's like a fire that spread throughout the vast land of dried grass, the arguments escalate more and more.....until we end up to nothing but to be absent to both of our work.
I didn't hold my temper already, I almost poured out all my resentment to him without any hesitations. I know his ego was affected by all of what I said.
After I cooled down from my anger, I realized I did too much. I calm myself and tried to approach hubby to say sorry but my pride opposes me. The good side pushed me to do so to heal the broken gap but the black angel pointed out the cause why I heated up and defended that what I've done was just right. Yes, there was a war in my mind too between the good and the bad thoughts.
Did you experience the same way too? Yes, My pride was higher this time, the thought that I was just talking and telling what is true conformed to be right in my sight. Does he get hurt by the truth? Good for him. Does he demoralize himself because of what I said? Still good for him.
But the tiny voice of my conscience keeps on telling me that I have to apologize for the sake of my inner peace. Maybe I was right about all those I said but I did it out of anger so the effect was harmful instead of helpful. Still undecided as to what I should do, I keep my eyes closed and think carefully.
Before taking my step to approach first, many questions were flooded my mind. What if he just ignores me and continues to fight back? What if he denied my sorry? What if he blames me more and will only tighten the fight? And so on.
The tiny voice has answers to my questions. "At least, you tried to reconnect and reach out regardless of what was happening." So I put all my courage to fill the gap and step towards him. I was hesitant but at last, I finally spill the word "I'm sorry, I did not mean it."
You know, seems something was unloaded from my heart, the feeling was light, I don't mind anymore what's the answer, whatever it is I will heartily accept it. No regrets, as long as I already accept my mistake and ask for forgiveness. That's all that matters to me.
I am so sorry guys, I spill my rant here. I have no one to talk to, I avoided sharing this with my family and friends for privacy's sake, so I choose to come here to free my mind from some bad thoughts. I hope you understand.
My sincerest thank you for all your support though most of the time I was not able to meet you to all your articles. My bad and I am so sorry for that.
The lead image was from Unsplash.
Always remember that
"I love you all🧡🧡🧡."
Article #85 2-12
Published: February 19, 2022
Time: 12:45 PM PH
All images used owned by me
unless otherwise stated.