My Weird Behavior

Have you sometimes questioned yourself if you are normal? That every action you make, other people also do? That everything is not strange and you can be just you. The fear of being judged never crossed your mind not until one day someone noticed that you are not like them. They called you weird or "abnormal" and that confused you about yourself? "Am I not like them?"

Lead Image from The Odyssey Online and edited in Canva

I don't know if it's just me but I have this weird behavior that I'm talking to myself whether I'm alone or even in a crowded place. I just can't control myself to speak out to the thoughts that have a voice inside my head. I didn't think it was weird before until my aunt caught me talking in the mirror.

Me: Pay your tuition later so you can take an exam.

Also Me: Okay (Smiling in front of the mirror)

Aunt: Who are you talking to?

Me: Huh? No one.

Aunt: Why did you say okay in the mirror?

Me: I'm not.

Actually, before I didn't notice that I'm talking to myself. I thought it was all in my head and my aunt was just teasing me. But after several times that she caught me and told me I'm crazy, I observe myself and confirmed it. I heard my own voice saying "Mamaya pumunta kang Maynila", "Go to Manila later". It was so clear. I get nervous hearing myself thinking I'm literally crazy.

Since then, I observed myself so that I can avoid others' comments but at first, it was hard and I can't shut my mouth not to speak out what is on my mind. There this one time I caught myself again talking in a public place. I'm sitting on the bench in the park and I didn't notice there is a woman looking at me. It was so embarrassing! I said "Kakain pa ba ako mamaya? Hmmm. Sige na nga!" (May face reaction pa yan mga dzai na parang may kausap talaga ako) "Should I eat later? Hmmm! Alright!" The face of the woman looked shocked and was about to say something but I stand immediately and leave the park right away.

It was 3 years ago already. I didn't go back to that place again thinking she might recognize me. Geez!

I told my boyfriend about this weird behavior of mine and he said it's normal, especially for me who experience a lot of traumas before, and advised me to think first before saying anything because until now I'm still careless. I can control it somehow now but not totally.

I was thinking what if it will go worse when I give birth one day. Because they said there is a chance that women will be depressed after they deliver a baby and will act strangely. Cringe!

How about you? Do you also have weird side? How do you manage to hide or change it? Does it affect your personal character? If not, you are fortunate!

Anyways, that's all for my blog today! Did you find me creepy now? Lol.