12th day of the month, hope you do well. Today is Sunday where people go to church to worship and pray. Our service will start at 6:00 am in the morning according to the guidelines made by the government. Saturday night I already set my alarm clock at 5:00 am for preparation and everything. I was half awake when the ring start to sound and unconsciously I stop the clock and back to sleep and awake at exactly 6:00 am. So, I was an instant flash to finish everything. By the way, that is not the topic will talk about but I just wanna share it HAHAHA.
Loving you was my favorite to do. Looking at you, staring at you and admiring you from afar is not a hindrance to make my heartbeat fast and feel the butterflies in my stomach even on the most memorable day of your life. I smile but my heart is breaking piece by piece with regrets.
You and me was a childhood friend. We played, we laughed, we talked, we bond, we go to the same school, we are each other crying shoulder to lean on, we are more than best friends and we do everything together.
As years go by, our closeness is unbreakable and supports each other's burden. We go with different paths, we meet different people but at the end of the day our path will always collide with each other like destiny already drew it for us. One night, you suddenly confessed your feelings, I was shocked and scared and many what if's popped in my mind. I directly rejected without hesitation and spoke different reasons why I can't accept. His determination is visible despite the countless rejection. I am very confident that his feelings will remain not until that day happens.
He accepted the opportunity to go and left a promise that he will come back for me. Despite that distance we have, communication is still there and I still pursue the feelings he has and I am still rejecting. Few days, a few weeks until months after when he communicated with me again to announce that he's getting married to someone within that month. No words can express my feelings. I feel happy. I feel sad. I feel hurt. I feel betrayed. I felt emotions that were strange to me. I tried to convince him to extend the wedding date. He just answered me "I can't afford to wait to wake up beside her, seeing her face every morning and to be with her for the rest of my life". There, I realized I loved you those years but fear and what if's hinder me to see your true intention.
Call me whatever you want and judge me. I don't care. I just want to be true to myself even at the last minute. Wedding ceremony, standing and seeing how lovely those vows you said to her is like a knife stabbed me again and again. Praying silently to God to make a way stop the wedding. Yes, I am that bad and desperate. In love story books, I am just a bridge for them to have a happy ending. As the Father announced, "you may now kiss the bride" double unbearable pain I feel.
I lost the guy who waited for me, who was there for me and who loved me. A guy that made me feel that I am his world. Lastly, a guy that will never be mine. I regret but my regret can't bring back the time where his world revolves at me alone. This regret serves me to know myself more and fear everything. Still in the process of moving on, it is hard and painful but I must do it for my freedom.
Gosh, I made it again even though it is lame and not a sequential still it is an achievement for me. Also, there is room for improvement. I cannot improve if I can't try. So, I will try and try until I die HAHAHA joke.
Note: Not based on experience😂
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Lead image is not mine.
JustMaryel sending you Love❣️
Regret always comes at the end :) This is beautifully written.