28 August 2021, Somewhere in the Metaverse - UplandDood (@Just1Dood)

Written on 15 August 2021

Today is Sunday, 15 August 2021. I don't post on Sunday but I do my best to write. When I do write, I'll also document the date that I have started writing the article on.

A few days ago, I'd read an article written by @Olasquare who mentioned attending eating/dinner functions. In that article called "One Last Time.", he'd mentioned how he's a private person and how he tries to avoid attending weddings whenever possible.

After having read his article, I'd commented that I too am a very private person and prefer to stay at home, rather than attending any functions, especially one that involves eating in front of strangers. I mentioned that eating is a private affair for me.

Let me illustrate further my point of view. Do note that a lot of the examples I shared below are more country and/or culturally specific. Some of you may or may not identify with what is shared.

Food Event-Related Pet Peeves

1. Unwanted Sprinkles

Lots of things revolve around food. One such common example is the milestone we create to mark our yearly birthdate. Yeah, you already know what I'm getting at.

Usually, the mark of that occasion's success is how many people we can get to come over to eat our cake with us. This is always accompanied by the dreaded (at least for me, it is) compulsory birthday song followed by candle blowing by the birthday culprit and sometimes with a few accomplices.

I think this pandemic will change this tradition forever. I, for one, am glad for it. It would be so rude to refuse a "sprinkled" slice of cake. But accepting one means the mental torment of consuming it. The only things I want to be sprinkled on my slice of cake are chocolate flakes. Nothing else.

2. Cutleries Common Pool

As we all well know, when eating in a public event, we are at the mercy of the event organizer or the catering provider. We have no control over what is served, what utensils are provided, and quite frequently, who sits at the same table.

For western events, it's more bearable as most sit-down dinner-type events involve set meals served individually.

In other cultures, it may not be so. The servers will place a few different shared dishes at the center of the table. These are mostly round tables, with 8 to 10 strangers sitting around. Once the dishes arrive, the waiter blows the white and ... guys, it is a free-for-all grab. (I'd added the whistle-blowing part for added dramatic effect. LOL).

If for whatever reason (whether due to cultural practice or not), no common utensils were provided for each of these shared dishes, then you're in for a "treat". Though the food diminishes with each scoop, do be mentally prepared to accept generous contributions from each stranger's own spoons and forks when they dip into the dish.

Right. Remember watching those CSI episodes where they use the black light to shine on stuff to find blood splatter and DNAs? Yeah, if you did there here, I can guarantee you'll find plenty of DNA contributions.

Those unfortunate ones sitting with close relatives or "extra" friendly strangers may get an additional bonus. Your relative or newfound buddy may generously use their personal (well used) spoons and forks or chopsticks, to start scooping dishes for you! I can tell you that if you were the recipient of this donation, you'd rather just slide down your chair and disappear under the table, never to be seen again.

3. Inter Diner Ballistic Missiles

Once in a while, you'll meet one who can never stop talking, even with the mouth full. Again, you already know where I'm going with this.

If I encounter such a person at my table, I'll be at DefCon 1 readiness.

Here's a definition of DefCon 1 taken from the militarybase.net site.

You can tell that I'm at full alert. If I see any projectiles flying into any of the dishes or worst, into my plate, because this fella couldn't stop talking, then I'm out of there in a jiffy! No question about it. No amount of BCH could convince me to stay. Well, maybe that's not exactly true. We can discuss more on this. I may just be cheap enough to be bought. I mean, we're talking about BCH, after all. LOL.

The Aftermath

Usually, after these dinners, everyone still hangs around. I mean, the table is empty. You see scattered few pieces of leftover vegetables on the plates. Maybe in some cultures, you'll see what's left of a fishbone on a large but otherwise empty plate.

You get the picture. Combine this image with that of each diner sitting in front of their battle-worn plates. Pieces of unfinished meats, vegetables, and bones. Possibly some tissue papers hiding some unfinished foods.

Now, the crazy part is that the dinner is essentially over but all the diners are still sitting there looking at each other and looking blankly at the aftermath of the dinner. I look at you. You look at me. We look at the table that's full of left-over. We look at the exit. I look at my nails. Yeah, you better not be looking at my nails unless you want to have that fishbone in your face.

Like idiots, we sit around as if we were school children waiting for the bell to ring to signify that school is over and we are dismissed.

I'd love to come, but I'm out of town

Now you can see why I say that eating is a private affair. I prefer to eat alone or with immediate family members. I want to have some level of control over what I put into my mouth. I don't like additional ingredients 'freshly' added after the chef's done with it.

I'm glad that I live in the boondocks. It is easier for me to give an excuse when invited. I'd love to come, but I'm out of town.

As I'd mentioned at the beginning, eating is very cultural and the types of dinner and/or eating events we all go to may differ. Though they are exaggerations, I wonder how many of you can identify with what I shared above.

Thank you for reading.

Sources:

Header Image: Photo by Ross Sokolovski on Unsplash

Image 1: Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash

Image 2: Screenshot from Google Search (militarybase.net site)

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