Are you or one of you are being a manipulative partner in your relationship?
Check some of these signs to find out:
• THEY CREATE MISTRUST - You may be the most sincere and trustworthy person there is, but a manipulator can make you feel otherwise. As deeply in love as two people are, they are still individuals in their own right, and everyone is entitled to their privacy. Unless you’re in a relationship with a manipulator, that is, because they’ll completely disregard this fact, given that they’re never satisfied unless they can control every aspect of your life. A͟ m͟a͟n͟i͟p͟u͟l͟a͟t͟i͟v͟e͟ p͟a͟r͟t͟n͟e͟r͟ w͟i͟l͟l͟ r͟e͟f͟u͟s͟e͟ t͟o͟ a͟c͟k͟n͟o͟w͟l͟e͟d͟g͟e͟ y͟o͟u͟r͟ r͟i͟g͟h͟t͟ t͟o͟ p͟r͟i͟v͟a͟c͟y͟, a͟n͟d͟ h͟a͟s͟ n͟o͟ p͟r͟o͟b͟l͟e͟m͟s͟ s͟p͟i͟n͟n͟i͟n͟g͟ l͟i͟e͟s͟ a͟n͟d͟ g͟u͟i͟l͟t͟ t͟o͟ m͟a͟k͟e͟ y͟o͟u͟ o͟u͟t͟ t͟o͟ b͟e͟ t͟h͟e͟ b͟a͟d͟ g͟u͟y͟ w͟h͟e͟n͟ y͟o͟u͟ t͟r͟y͟ t͟o͟ p͟r͟o͟t͟e͟c͟t͟ y͟o͟u͟r͟ p͟r͟i͟v͟a͟c͟y͟. T͟h͟e͟y͟ m͟a͟k͟e͟ y͟o͟u͟ f͟e͟e͟l͟ l͟i͟k͟e͟ y͟o͟u͟’r͟e͟ t͟h͟e͟ o͟n͟e͟ w͟h͟o͟ h͟a͟s͟ s͟o͟m͟e͟t͟h͟i͟n͟g͟ t͟o͟ h͟i͟d͟e͟, t͟h͟a͟t͟ y͟o͟u͟’r͟e͟ t͟h͟e͟ o͟n͟e͟ w͟h͟o͟ c͟a͟n͟n͟o͟t͟ b͟e͟ t͟r͟u͟s͟t͟e͟d͟ b͟e͟c͟a͟u͟s͟e͟ y͟o͟u͟ c͟h͟o͟o͟s͟e͟ t͟o͟ k͟e͟e͟p͟ y͟o͟u͟r͟ e͟m͟a͟i͟l͟s͟ o͟r͟ t͟e͟x͟t͟ m͟e͟s͟s͟a͟g͟e͟s͟ p͟r͟i͟v͟a͟t͟e͟. They’ll even try to make you feel inadequate for protecting your diary if you have one. The manipulator thirsts for control, and when they can’t get it, they resort to any means necessary to invade your privacy. Yᴏᴜʀ ᴘʀɪᴠᴀᴄʏ ɪs ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀɪɢʜᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ sʜᴏᴜʟᴅ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴛᴏ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ꜰᴏʀᴄᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟ ᴡʜᴀᴛ ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ ᴄᴏᴍꜰᴏʀᴛᴀʙʟᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ. Manipulators might demand access to your passwords, social media accounts, and even more private information by spinning some tale about how they’re “afraid” that you might break their hearts by cheating on them. They could even tell you stories of how they have been cheated on in the past and how much it hurt them to have their hearts broken that way (even though it may not be true). The point is, they’ll tell you whatever story it takes to get you to feel guilty enough to reveal your private information, even going so far as to c͟l͟a͟i͟m͟ t͟h͟a͟t͟ t͟w͟o͟ p͟e͟o͟p͟l͟e͟ w͟h͟o͟ a͟r͟e͟ i͟n͟ l͟o͟v͟e͟ s͟h͟o͟u͟l͟d͟ n͟e͟v͟e͟r͟ h͟a͟v͟e͟ s͟e͟c͟r͟e͟t͟s͟ f͟r͟o͟m͟ e͟a͟c͟h͟ o͟t͟h͟e͟r͟. H͟o͟w͟e͟v͟e͟r͟, t͟h͟e͟r͟e͟ i͟s͟ a͟ b͟i͟g͟ d͟i͟f͟f͟e͟r͟e͟n͟c͟e͟ b͟e͟t͟w͟e͟e͟n͟ b͟e͟i͟n͟g͟ s͟e͟c͟r͟e͟t͟i͟v͟e͟ a͟n͟d͟ h͟a͟v͟i͟n͟g͟ a͟ r͟i͟g͟h͟t͟ t͟o͟ p͟r͟i͟v͟a͟c͟y͟, a͟n͟d͟ b͟e͟i͟n͟g͟ i͟n͟ a͟ r͟e͟l͟a͟t͟i͟o͟n͟s͟h͟i͟p͟ d͟o͟e͟s͟ n͟o͟t͟ m͟e͟a͟n͟ y͟o͟u͟ h͟a͟v͟e͟ t͟o͟ s͟a͟c͟r͟i͟f͟i͟c͟e͟ t͟h͟e͟ l͟a͟t͟t͟e͟r͟.
• THEY TALK A LOT ABOUT “PROTECTING” YOU - Which is, of course, nothing but another lie when it’s coming from the manipulator. T͟h͟e͟y͟’r͟e͟ n͟o͟t͟ p͟r͟o͟t͟e͟c͟t͟i͟n͟g͟ y͟o͟u͟, t͟h͟e͟y͟’r͟e͟ n͟o͟t͟ e͟v͟e͟n͟ t͟h͟i͟n͟k͟i͟n͟g͟ a͟b͟o͟u͟t͟ t͟h͟a͟t͟ w͟h͟e͟n͟ a͟l͟l͟ t͟h͟e͟y͟ c͟a͟r͟e͟ a͟b͟o͟u͟t͟ i͟s͟ t͟h͟e͟i͟r͟ o͟w͟n͟ s͟e͟l͟f͟-i͟n͟t͟e͟r͟e͟s͟t͟. Deep down, who wouldn’t love the idea of knowing that there’s someone out there who loves them enough to protect them from the big evil world? That person does exist, just not with a manipulator, unfortunately. Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ, ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ɪs ᴀ ɴᴀᴛᴜʀᴀʟ ᴅᴇsɪʀᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴘʀᴏᴛᴇᴄᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴀɴᴅ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ꜰᴇᴇʟɪɴɢ ʜᴜʀᴛ. Wʜᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ʟᴏᴠᴇ sᴏᴍᴇᴏɴᴇ, ʏᴏᴜ’ʀᴇ ᴡɪʟʟɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ᴅᴏ ᴡʜᴀᴛᴇᴠᴇʀ ɪᴛ ᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴛᴏ ᴋᴇᴇᴘ ᴛʜᴇᴍ sᴀꜰᴇ, ᴀɴᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ sᴇᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ʜᴜʀᴛ, ᴜᴘsᴇᴛ ᴏʀ ᴜɴʜᴀᴘᴘʏ ɪɴ ᴀɴʏ ᴡᴀʏ. The manipulative partner will lead you to believe that this is what they want for you, but the red flags should start to go up when “protecting” on their terms means they get to make all the decisions for you about how you should live your life. They’ll tell lies about wanting to “protect” your finances, “protecting” you from friends who are not a good influence in you, “protecting” you by continually keeping tabs on where you’re going and what you are doing. When you tell them you’re uncomfortable with this kind of control, they turn around and lie once more by convincing you they’re doing it out of love and because they want to “protect” you, when the truth is they’re trying to do the complete opposite. T͟h͟e͟y͟ w͟a͟n͟t͟ y͟o͟u͟ t͟o͟ d͟e͟p͟e͟n͟d͟ o͟n͟ n͟o͟ o͟n͟e͟ e͟l͟s͟e͟ b͟u͟t͟ t͟h͟e͟m͟ s͟o͟ t͟h͟e͟y͟ w͟i͟l͟l͟ a͟l͟w͟a͟y͟s͟ h͟a͟v͟e͟ t͟h͟e͟ u͟p͟p͟e͟r͟ h͟a͟n͟d͟. If you were in a healthy relationship, your partner would be protective, but they’ll also be realistic. They know they can’t protect you from everything, and they certainly won’t try to by dictating how every aspect of your life should be run. When you’re in trouble, they’ll find constructive ways to help you instead of making you feel bad for not listening to them. They won’t demand that you hand over your password or any other private information in the name of “protecting” you.
• THEY PROVOKE YOU WITH LIES - Sometimes, a manipulator could resort to provoking you into an argument by lying and exaggerating, blowing things out of proportion just because they know it pushes your buttons when they do. They purposely say things targeted at triggering negative emotions within you, even going so far as to lie to make their argument more convincing. You are left with the nagging question of why they do things the way they do. Because sometimes, they want to push your buttons to make you angry enough to say something that they can use against you later on. When you tell them their argument makes no sense, they’ll put on a show worthy of an Oscar about how deeply you’ve hurt them. They’ll keep pushing and pushing, and if you let them, they’ll take you right over the edge, and everything you say can and will be used against you at the next opportunity they get.
• THEY TELL YOU THEY’LL DIE WITHOUT YOU - Possibly one of the biggest lies a manipulator spins are the lies that tell you that they cannot live without you. That if you leave them, they will die. They’re not going to, and they’ll certainly never do anything to harm themselves. It’s just a lie that they’re spinning to make you feel guilty for even entertaining the notion of possibly ending the relationship when you see them for who they are. There’s a term for this kind of behavior, and it’s called e͟m͟o͟t͟i͟o͟n͟a͟l͟ b͟l͟a͟c͟k͟m͟a͟i͟l͟, and it is arguably one of the most selfish characteristics of being in a relationship with a manipulative individual. No one should have to make you feel scared or guilty about doing what’s best for you, and they certainly should not be showing the responsibility of their life onto you in such a manner. Tᴇʟʟɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴛʜᴇʏ ᴡɪʟʟ ᴅɪᴇ ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴀᴠᴇ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ɪs ɴᴏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʙᴜᴛ ᴀɴ ᴇᴍᴘᴛʏ ᴛʜʀᴇᴀᴛ, ᴀɴᴅ ᴏɴᴄᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴋɴᴏᴡ ꜰᴏʀ sᴜʀᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀɴᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴜᴛ ᴛɪᴇs ᴡɪᴛʜ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴀɴɪᴘᴜʟᴀᴛᴏʀ, ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ ʟᴇᴛ ᴛʜᴇᴍ ᴍᴀᴋᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ꜰᴇᴇʟ ɢᴜɪʟᴛʏ ꜰᴏʀ ᴛʜɪs ᴅᴇᴄɪsɪᴏɴ. You have a responsibility for your wellbeing and what they choose to do with their life is up to them.
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Not controlling others feeling and emotions can help relationships to be more stonger and avoid hurting each other feelings, be considerate on your partner and avoid to manipulate the relationship.