Humility hits rock bottom

I had been humbled all too many times because I was arrogant in so many ways, of course, mama was where else could I possible had that. Say an example would be employment and wasn’t employed until the 5th year after college. Wow, I had opportunities but somehow it was all elusive. True, it didn’t drive me crazy and depressive but drive me to a point to question.

Opportunities

Well, those were the times where opportunities were still the old fashion ways. Employment through connection. However, my connection was off, I had a rouge father to begin with – rouge in a sense he gave HR a hard time because he just didn’t give up on principle, labor advocate. OMG, we grew up relentless with good argumentative & reasoning skills, -many really think I would be a good lawyer but hey! I was not a fan! Then I had learned that all these skills were actually useless unless you were working in a government office that needed this skill sets but I was never inclined to. Working rank and file, these skill sets were not actually needed. Hmmm, I was not a professor because I was busy avoiding a professor that time and now I was considering it but, I’m happily employed for 10 years and laziness already hit rock bottom and it’s a long climb, an uphill battle – too tiring for an old bitch?, hihihi! No regrets though because I developed hidden talents and skill sets that many described it –unique. I was and am amongst the few who always ends up alone in the corner talking to myself because… hahaha! I grew accustomed to it already and no more offense, and loving it nowadays because I get to talk to myself all too often because of the face mask, and oftentimes I’m caught laughing at myself. A blessing in disguise that i hated the crowd. Well, I just really have a different wiring in my head that goes a lot on the wrong direction, hardly along or within the norms. For the years, I paid the price of being employed on the wrong skill sets, being clumsy and all went wrong but I am still intact!. I honestly have to play dumb most of the time especially we were on training and all too often playing dumb, I became dumb myself. Learned to mask it over the years by putting a blank face, not poker face, just blank. I couldn’t blame it to people, they usually acted different when they found out something different especially the ones beyond common or ordinary. If to be normal was simply to be clumsy and blatantly blank then be. I honestly still confused myself on which rules to play most often, I can never really get the hang of it – especially office politics, hate it.

Present

Huh! (sigh) Perhaps arrogance is a common denominator between me and my dying friend. But unlike her, I have a friend with me all the time. I talk to Him all the time, I call prayer. When times get rough and rougher, well, I am glad to be alone in the corner and do my talk. And I’m glad to hate the crowd because I will be able to do my thing. What happens if I was always like everyone else? Grateful I’m not. Oh, what’s next scares me the most. Why? I truly don’t know what is stored for me? what’s next to humble myself with… and its scary!

THANK GOD, I don't have to rely on someone to have my back, man is damn too unreliable and insecure! they leave in the middle of chaos! GOD doesn't, He stays!

Thank u, and God bless.

Nov 14, 2021
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