When I face my face

26 60
Avatar for Jelena
Written by
2 years ago

It's been a while since I have faced my face.

I usually pass by the mirror looking the other way. If I stop, I am afraid that I won't like what I see. My face has changed. It has lost color. My eyes are tired. And smile lines on my cheeks that made me look beautiful when I laughed left only a trace to remind me that they used to be there.

The losses we experience change our faces. The eyes turn red from crying, and when the redness disappears, they remain tired, with the lids down. My face is pale and sometimes I have the impression that it is transparent. Everything can be seen through my light skin. That is why I am afraid to look. But I can't look away forever and hide from the mirrors. I have to face my face now.

I knew I wouldn't like what I saw. But I am not scared. I'm not even sorry for myself. That's me. Broken by the pain of losing a person I will never be able to see again. The pain left a mark on my face that I can barely recognize. I don't know myself like this. I have new wrinkles between my eyebrows because I often frown. My eyes are shining, they are always full of tears. It feels like my eyebrows have dropped. They used to be high, maybe because I was looking up. Now I look mostly down. My eyes aren't even completely open. While I am facing my face, one question runs through my mind: why? Why the smile turned to tears? Why do we lose the ones we love? Why is my face no longer the same?

Facing your face is harder than it looks. It is a moment of truth. A moment that encourages or brings you down. What I saw did not bring me down. My face is in line with my feelings. It means I'm honest with myself. I don't hide under a mask because I don't have one. That's me. And that's good. Facing my face brought me relief. I accept myself like this, with my sadness and I go on. I have to go on, there is no way back. Maybe one day I'll see my laughing face in the mirror. And maybe I'll have my funny moments in front of the mirror again. I believe we all have them sometimes. I had them often. I sang in front of the mirror imagining I was at some concert. 😊 I flirted with myself, full of confidence because of the beautiful smile and long lashes. It’s still me even though it doesn’t seem that way. It's me in the new life circumstances that took away those funny moments. Life circumstances change, scars remain, but over time we get used to them.

If I catch myself having funny moments in front of the mirror again, it will mean that I feel better. Maybe I will shine again. Until then, I accept myself as I am and I am ready to face my face again. I'm not scared anymore.

Thank you very much for reading.

The article and the image are original and mine.

23
$ 4.06
$ 3.40 from @TheRandomRewarder
$ 0.26 from @Ezelazra3
$ 0.05 from @moonlight22
+ 16
Sponsors of Jelena
empty
empty
empty
Avatar for Jelena
Written by
2 years ago

Comments

I am glad that you are doing it, dear Jelie. Not everyone is strong enough to face themselves. I feel your pain and your loss. I am thankful that my kids keep me happy, they are my anchor. I haven't seen my mother for years, no kiss, no hug before she left. I long for her every day and I vowed that I will see her again in our next lifetime.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

I hope to see my dad in the next life, but I wonder if it's possible when we won't be us anymore. I would like to believe that. It would be easier for me. I'm sorry you didn't see your mom for so long before she died.😟

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Perhaps God can make a way? Sigh, let us be brave, dear Jelie. Yeah, I miss her hugs. I always love sleeping while smelling her armpit even I was in college lol.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Oh, if only I could believe in God, it would be easier for me, but I'm not sure if I believe. It’s hard when we miss someone, there’s nothing we can do to change that.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes, I agree and it is hard to accept the fact, to wake up from that nightmare every day. I lost my papa first but it is my mama that I miss more. Anyways, who knows you two will meet one day when you will be reincarnated? Though you both won't remember your previous relationships anymore. Cheer up, my friend.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Most times challenges tend to alter our face, our smile and joy but being positive keeps us going. You will smile again

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thank you. We must not give up a positive attitude because that is the only way we can move forward.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Yes so difficult sometimes to face our faces... specially in bad moments, when our face reflects our pain, because our eyes can reveal part of our soul at least some people's eyes. Some faces are somehow transparent and all our feelings can be seen there, so it's like see our soul and sometimes it's difficult...

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Yes, it is very difficult to look at ourselves sometimes. I hope that one day I will like what I see in the mirror again.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Kažu da je lepota u oku posmatrača. Ja gledao kroz lupu u oko duboko koliko sam mogao, u ogledalo i ne vidim ništa, samo crno. Kod mene se sakrila ta lepota, ne znam kud se denula. Uglavnom, like your observation, keep them coming. Pozdrav

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Ma nije se sakrila, tu je, pogledaj bolje, sigurno ćeš je naći. 😊 Pozdrav 😊

$ 0.05
2 years ago

Losing someone is indeed painful Jelena, sending you my warm hugs. Yet just think of happy thought with him, somehow it will make you smile

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thank you so much, hugs back. It’s hard to get on with life normally when we lose a loved one but we have to go on and laugh again.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

hope to see you smile again in your next article Jelena

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Our face is nothing but a drawing of our feelings, every feeling we have leaves an impression on our face, we should be proud of these signs because it is proof that we have persevered in all the circumstances we faced, you are beautiful, my dear, and you have wonderful features, the wrinkles are the laughter and crying of memory. The loss of our loved ones leaves an impact on us, a trace that reminds us of their presence, but you must leave a place to smile also for the sake of your remaining loved ones. ❤️

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Well said. Thanks for these wonderful words.❤️ I agree with you that I have to keep smiling because of my children and the life that goes on.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

Accept you flaws, dear. As long as you're not hurting anyone, let's face it. C'mon, you're beautiful. We all are.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

I agree that we are all beautiful, even when we cry, it is always us. Thanks.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

with the innocence of a beautiful mother describing the current state of her heart what she feels maybe at this time she is not in a good condition. It's very rare to say something that is far from happy and now I can feel sadness. I hope he will come back happy. hello beautiful mother, I feel that you are currently in a difficult condition, is this true? I hope you can smile again

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thanks. I've been feeling bad for a year now because of my father's sudden death. It leaves a mark on our face but we have to accept ourselves when we are sad as well.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

This is you dear. You are accepting your every portion. That makes you more confident. That's worthy. I really appreciate it. Genuinely you are a pure soul.

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Thanks Luci, I appreciate your words. Sadness leaves a mark on the face but it should also be accepted.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I love my face more as I get older. The lines on my face are mine. Like the footprints of my life. You gotta love them Jeka :)

$ 0.01
2 years ago

Jeka😊 That's what my closest ones call me. That's what a friend here called me as well. 😊 Maybe you're that friend.😊 The face reveals all our feelings. Years and losses leave a mark.

$ 0.00
2 years ago

maybe, my dear Jeka ;)

$ 0.00
2 years ago