I am afraid of acceptance
If I admit that I am afraid to accept, maybe that is the first step that will lead me to acceptance. I am aware of my fear and I would like to get rid of it, but I am still trying to find out how. That's why I'm writing on that topic today, to find out your opinions.
I was asking myself again and again what will happen if I accept. The thought of it makes me anxious. But I'm not the first one who had to accept something. You also had to do it once, didn't you? Or more than once. Many have already done it before me and they survived. That is how I try to console myself and get rid of the acceptance fear.
Many people resist acceptance and live stuck in suppressing everything that bothers them. They live in spasms and pain that lessens due to suppression but never goes away. I too have been living in pain for more than a year, since I found out that my father died. I still haven't accepted that fact. I live from today to tomorrow, refusing to accept it and suppressing the thoughts every time during the day they overwhelm me. The fact that we are losing our parents is terrible and I am afraid to accept it, even though I am aware that it has already happened to me.
Everything we refuse to accept is a part of us, and by suppressing it, we don't solve the problem and it gets bigger. By rejecting the painful reality that has already happened, we reject a part of ourselves. The pain does not go away and continues due to non-acceptance.
The first step to acceptance is recognition and confrontation, but it is important to be aware that acceptance comes from inner feelings and not from rational thinking. I am rationally fully aware of how wrong and harmful non-acceptance is, but deep down I don't have enough strength to face and accept my painful experience.
After recognition, we must stay long enough in that phase, giving ourselves patience and understanding. The longer it lasts, the more comfort and gradual acceptance we feel. I felt this but out of fear I quickly jerked away and stopped the process. But I'm ready to try again.
Acceptance is a long and complex process that requires self-examination. We have to become aware of how we really feel about situations and people around us. We have to know if something hurt us, how much it hurts and why.
During self-examination, changes occur in the body. Memories and thoughts hurt us and again lead us to stop the process, but here we have to be persistent until the final acceptance. It's okay to accept the pain too. Everything we feel is us. By running away from those feelings, we are running away from ourselves. When we accept the pain, we should stay in that stage as long as necessary. I will try not to run away and to find out how to be well again. But I'm still afraid to accept. Maybe I'm one step away from releasing that fear or maybe I am still far away, but I know that acceptance must happen if I want to be well.
Acceptance is the key to change. Once we accept ourselves and everything that happens to us, no matter how painful it is, we will live in peace. Acceptance is the path to positive change and life without fear.
Thank you very much for reading.
The article is original and mine. The lead image is from unsplash.com.