A birthday letter to my father

July 1, 2022

Dad,

You know I can't start with "dear" dad, because you didn't teach me to be sweet-talking. “Dear” is such a small word to convey how dear you are to me. That is why I started with a simple “dad”.

I miss that word - dad. I lost the opportunity to say it and I didn't know that some opportunities we lose forever. But I would be the happiest if I could say "dad" again and then hear your voice. Many times during the day I imagine this and always find silence. How much does silence hurt? I wish I had never found out.

Do you remember how much I cried when Lucia suddenly died in my favorite TV series "Los Serrano"? In the scene where her children face her death, the song "I'll find a way" by Rachael Yamagata was playing in the background and I couldn't stop my tears. I knew it must be very hard when you lose a parent. But I didn't know how hard.

And then suddenly I lost you. I'm still angry. I'm angry at life that didn't give us any sign that something bad would happen tomorrow while we were laughing together, convinced that we were fine and healthy. But you were not fine. Forgive me for not noticing. Forgive me because I think I will never forgive myself.

I still believe that injustice has happened. I feel like someone kidnapped you from me. I'm still waiting for life to bring you back. I didn't get tired of waiting. I think I'll wait my whole life listening to that song again. And I repeat "I'll find a way, to see you again..."

I have to find a way. I know I have to because you taught me to always find a way. I have to find a way because I don't do well in this darkness anymore. I stumble, I fall, and every time I fall I get up harder. I'm losing strength. I listen to that song again and repeat the verses.

" Wait for me...I need you desperately. I am alive when you are here. And the rain is like an orchestra to me..."

I'm waiting for the rain to wash me so I can breathe. I'm still waiting to wake up from the nightmare and continue the life in which you are there with me. I want to say "dad" again. I'll find a way...

We used to celebrate this day with joy. You loved your birthday. You loved life. Happy birthday to you, dad. Wait for me wherever you are so we can celebrate together again and make our plans and wishes come true.

Thank you @Read.Cash for allowing me to fulfill my greatest wish and talk to my dad again. This must be the only way. I found a way.

Thank you very much for reading.

The article and the lead image are original and mine.