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Self-Pitying: An Everyday Mental and Physical Stress to Overcome

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Avatar for Jeaneth
Written by   483
4 months ago

Oh well, I'm trying to come up with a new one again. I think this is gonna be the 2nd day since I last published an article. Hmmm, kind of setting the tone again but I know for sure it won't be long. There will be hurdles along the way and writer's block is waving every single time. It never gets out of the way, like always.

So, how am I doing with life lately? This is just gonna be a more of freestyle personal writing because it's been so hard lately with how things are happening to me. Frustrations and envy are coming into place and I know I shouldn't feel this way because it's not right but this is how I really feel.

I know I'm being vague right now. Let me clear this up and explain myself why. Good thing I'm on a break right now so I have time letting these feelings out to all of you. You know, readcash has been my solitude. I mean, ever since I discovered this platform, this came out more than serving its purpose.

I find it very therapeutic when you express yourself through writing and the community helps you instead of judging you. That's when I appreciate writing more. As an individual who's very timid and reserved, writing took a huge chunk of load in my heart and mind. So this is home to me, with conviction.

So here's why I am so full of ideas what to write today.

I'm physically damn tired

I can't express this enough more than using the "damn" word thing. It highly suggests what I really feel right now.

You guys, especially (noisecash people) probably knew that I have been sick for days now. It's my 5th day of having cough and colds yet I don't really see any significant change or recovery to my body. It frustrates me big time!

As much as I want to, I wanna avoid taking synthetic drugs and just keep myself intact with the herbal medicines but to my dismay, herbs don't work for me anymore. So I had to start over with my medications by taking the synthetic ones.

The reason why my recovery is taking longer than usual is probably because I have been physically tired throughout the day. The past 3 days have been so exhausting to me. Sai-sai, our helper here is a working student. She does all the house chores every day, she's here to make our lives easier to be exact.

However, she goes to school Monday-Wednesday and sometimes Thursday-Friday depending on their class schedules. She'll be in school from 6:30 am to 4:30 pm. So technically, she won't be around in the house the entire daytime.

And so, I had to take over the house chores when she's not around. That's where my patience and strength are being tested. Actually, I'm fine with all these chores it's just that, I'm sick and I should be taking a rest but I got no choice but to move and run the house because no one else will.

I'm glad that Sai-sai has no classes until next Wednesday because those days will be my rest days. In fact, I'm feeling a little nauseous and dizzy maybe because of the ginger tea I took 2 days in a row. It triggered my anemia so that explains why.

I'm insecure and envious with my cousins

I have been dealing with this for a long time already. Ever since we were kids, I saw how different my life was compared to theirs. I would say that they are living more comfortably than my family. Should I say, way more financially capacitated.

That brought me to evaluate myself and asked, "how about you? You're not successful with your life, poor human". Don't get me wrong, I'm completely aware that I'm the only one sending this message to myself but come on, reality hits different.

It's the way you see your relatives living their lives, making a living while me living here like in a prison. My hands are tied, but then again I was thinking, it still end up being a choice because for one, I stayed here to recover from depression and two, I chose not to go back to the corporate world or teaching profession.

I bombarded myself with a lot of what ifs but what can I do, it's all done and the only way to get out of this mess is to stand up and do something to move forward.

I can't really open up to my family about the music I am setting off as a career because for sure they would think it as an unreliable source of income, I mean like any ordinary person would think, only a few succeeded on this path so I can't really blame them.

At the same time, I'm frustrated and pressured because I'm not getting any younger and yet there hasn't been any significant phase in my life I would consider as success, except my redemption given the second chance to live after my suicide attempt.

I have to deal with my regrets everyday, it's a constant choice of letting yourself get drown from the past or standing up with the consequences then move forward.


The whole point of this article?

Adulting is hard and adulting is real!


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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!

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Written by   483
4 months ago
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Comments

Sometimes I also feel this, sister, when I feel insecure with other people, I just think that it's not my time yet. I hope you'll get better ate.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Thanks dee. Minsan lng talaga pag sobrang bigat na, negativity will haunt you eh. Kaya mahirap rin i handle ang bagay bagay

$ 0.00
4 months ago

just pray ate minsan kailangan din natin tlga kumilos para mahanap natin ung peace and comfort.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Halu dear... Pagaling k n lng muna pra d lalong nadedelay ang paggaling mo... Laban lng, everyone has his battles n struggles kaya don't let it win over you.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Thanks for the reminder madam. You're right. I have the power to choose how I'll respond to this.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Adultinggg! Hayst. I know you can overcome itt just be who you are and never lose your faith in God.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Thank you so much for these kind words 🥺🙏

$ 0.00
4 months ago

You're very welcomee.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Wag mo naman pilitin madam if talagang masama pa pakiramdam mo, normal na un na macompare natin sarili natin sa iba ganyan din ako minsan pero sa akin naman sinasabi ko sa sarili ko ito pinili ko eh, pero syempre sinasabi ko din sa sarili ko na soon maiiba din ang takbo ng buhay namin.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Diba madam? Parang mag backfire sayo kase naging choice naman natin eh. Pero what's more important is we do something out of it.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Malawak ba linisin sa bahay nyo madam? And Yung sa cousin mo naku wag kadun paapekto. You have so many things to be proud of and someday makikita nila yon ❤️

$ 0.01
User's avatar Yen
4 months ago

Ay nako madam. Sobrang lawak ng floor area nitong lote, kasya tatlong bahay. So pag nasa kwarto ang isa and nasa kusina ang isa, need sumigaw para makuha ang attention ng tao 🤷

Haaay, sana nga madam. Ewan, frustrated talaga ako sa buhay ko pero alam ko naman na temporary lng to.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Laki Naman pala ng bahay nyo madam

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
4 months ago

Hugs to you ate! Get well soon. May you overcome all the things and feelings that burden you ate. Minsan ganyan din ang pakiramdam ko, madalas akong mag-self pity sa mga kaibigan o kaedad ko. I feel tired and exhausted sometimes pero at the end of the day I'm just trying to be positive that everything will be worth it.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Iniisip ko nlng na everyone goes through inner battles din and it's not just me. May kanya kanya tayong silent battles and not everyone shows it. That's how I keep my mind open.

$ 0.00
4 months ago

That's what the spirit ate. We have different kinds of journeys, and we have all our own paths to take. Do not be so hard on yourself. Your time will come, and everything will be fine ate

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Get wellsoon friend.. Leave the house chores na muna friend.. Try to take a rest nalang muna.. Wag pilitin ang sarili pag hindi talaga kaya..

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Kaya naman pero yun nga, na dedelay ang paggaling ko 😅

$ 0.00
4 months ago

It is a YOU vs YOU battle, and I can relate ate. There are days when we feel self-pity and feels like we are nothing compared to others. Anyway, ganyan din yung sakit ko ate. Umabot ng more than a week bago ako naka-recover, sobrang nakakapanghina.

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Ano gamot mo Cherry?

It's the inner battles that never cease no? Kakapagod eh ☹️

$ 0.00
4 months ago

Hope you get better and get rest. When this happens you will be able to combat better with what life throws at us. I'm hopeful your week will turn around.

Take care

$ 0.01
4 months ago

Hello, Coolmidwestguy. I'm glad we met here. Thanks for the well wishes and for the upvote as well. It means a lot. 🙏

$ 0.00
4 months ago