Parenting 101: Are You a Toxic Parent?

Family is where values formation takes place. It is where we learn various things that nobody could teach us but our parents. The upbringing of a child is crucial as the values are carried growing up.

It is important to equip the child with good values, teach them what's wrong and what's right just so they'll have a better life in the future. Although it may not be applicable every time but at least, they will always choose to be kind than to be right.

Having said that, the parents are responsible as to how their children behave in circumstances. Remember, children learn through modeling and so they follow what they see in their environment.

This creates a big impact on the lives of your children. Toxic parenting leads to adulthood carrying traumatic childhood experiences, an unhealthy perspective of love, distrust, and all negative aspects in the world.

It's for you to determine if you have become a highly toxic parent over the years:

You are hypercritical.

Criticisms can be taken either way. Your child may take it constructively or negatively. It is to help them make better choices in every way they can. Criticisms are normal, to be honest. As a child, there's so much room for improvement that they have to take.

However, if you have become overly critical, your child results to be always cautious of the things they do. They are too concerned about how you are gonna react to their actions. Their freedom to make their own decisions are being compromised already.

As a result, the child creates an inner critic to themselves as harsh, doubtful, as their companion when they grow up.

You are close-minded.

Every child has their own way of expressing their thoughts and opinions. If this matter is compromised, then you have become a highly toxic parent.

You take their expressions as an attack on your character, when in fact it is not. You are too close-minded that it can lead to your child's mental health problems. Their emotions are suppressed and so they could hardly identify their needs in the future.

Growing up, I witness how strict my parents were and now I have become an adult, I understand where they came from. I wouldn't say they have become toxic parents but on this matter, they were. I believe most of us have experienced this that if we express our emotions, they take it as disrespectful.

You don't see your children as individuals.

Yes, you created your child. You took time and you exerted efforts in making them but that doesn't make you the owners of them that even their aspirations in life, you control them.

We often see toxic parents on television dramas where they want their children to follow in their footsteps. They see their children as small versions of themselves and treat them as instruments to achieve the personal goals that they fail before.

That's a very toxic parenting trait. You don't do that to your child. They have their own minds. They are entitled to make their own decisions. They have a separate identity from you. Your job as parents is to guide them and provide them with a strong support system.

You are manipulative through guilt and money.

First of all, your children didn't choose you as their parents. If only fetuses can possibly choose who their parents would be, they'd be more than happy to do that if they know how toxic their parents could be.

I have witnessed a family where their parents take their children as responsible for the misfortunes and poverty they are experiencing. How could they do that to their children? In the first place, they shouldn't have had s*x if they don't want to deal with the extra expenses of raising a human.

I mean, it's just so absurd to blame it on the children when they are the sole reason for putting themselves into that situation. Now they guilt-trip their children by forcing them to work at an early age to sustain the needs of the family. They're supposed to enjoy their childhood but here they are, making money because their parents blame them for being poor.

Or, it could be that you raise your child and send them to school, graduate and get a job. And so you are so excited to ask everything you want to your son/daughter as a way of compensation for sending them to school? Providing your children a better life is a parent's obligation but it will never be an obligation to the children to give back to their parents.

Children can decide whether they want to give back the sacrifices their parents have made to the family. If you have become a better parent for them, your chances are higher to receive something from your children in return.

You don't respect boundaries and privacy.

Children get too crucial with their private life during their teenage years. I can relate to that. I, for one, have become too cautious of how I look and how should I present myself to everyone.

As parents, you shouldn't force your child to share everything with you. Listen to them when they needed you. If you are a good parent, your child will reach out to you and share what they want to share with you.

These are just some of the toxic traits of parents but I believe these are the common ones. These parents are not aware of their behaviors which makes them legit toxic parents.

I am glad I have parents who raised us with good values formation. They raised us to respect each other and be kind to everyone.

To those who are not as lucky as me in the situation, I hope and pray for reconciliation, good communication with the family, and respect for one another.

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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!