I Forgive My Parents For These Reasons

Growing up, I would say that there are so many untold feelings or expressions I have with my parents especially during my teenage years. What I have witnessed how they raised me and my sister was for us, kind of strict and scary. As a result, we feel distant to them.

However, now that I'm already a grownup, as I look back on those memories, it opens my mind of why our parents were like that. To tell you the truth, we were never close with our parents. They were disciplinarians. I grew up being scared to them. I just thought, they did that because of our welfare and true enough, it is.

When that tragedy happened into my life, I'd say that it became the reason why the family got closer and intimate. If before, we were distant and not expressive with ourselves, now is entirely a different vibe. Entering the parenthood phase is never easy, I supposed.

And for that reason, I wanna forgive my parents for:

Raising us through their own unresolved trauma

Mama had me when she was 24. Papa was 25. Though they were already around a good age to get married but I believe it truly became a life changing moment for them when they found out about me. They were still young by then and at that time, it was very difficult.

They must have gone through a lot but I'm grateful for them choosing to have me. I mean, at that moment when they found out about me, they can get rid of me anytime but they didn't and I must say, they have been great parents to us. Even though we were distant from each other but I felt that they have equipped us with good morals and values growing up.

Raising us through their own struggles, pain and fears on

I know they have their own struggles during my childhood that I didn't understand. I remember one time I saw mama took out the Pyrex container from our divider. I didn't really understand where they would take them to before but now, it made sense to me. They took them to the pawnshop for a mortgage.

These things that a child doesn't understand makes me helpless at that time. But I guess, being good daughters to them means so much already for them. We were obedient, we perform well in school, and we respect everyone.

Following certain cultural norms that they were surrounded with

Cultural norms and traditions before are too strong to handle. Our grandparents are avid advocates of Catholic and Filipino traditions. Well, I can't blame them, they grew up having those intense traditions that would judge a person if you don't follow them.

Mama wanted to become an engineer but grandpa didn't allow her to because engineering course are for men only. Grandpa chose Education as her course because that suits women. Even so, mama still did well in school and graduated.

Although I would say that today, we are slowly carrying our own stand and not follow traditions we used to before. I salute mama for being so open-minded about new norms in today's generation that boomers would never dare to understand.

Papa is still old-fashioned. He carries his traditions and norms in his name especially with his stand on LGBT community. It's rare to have dads who are open-minded to inclusivity when it comes to gender preferences.

Writing this article gave me time to reflect and look back on what we've been through in our relationships as daughters and parents. They were not perfect parents, they have shortcomings too but what matters most is that they choose to be with us no matter what.

I can feel that mama is making up to us about the distant relationship we have back in our childhood days. Now that we're grownups, we have become more comfortable to share our thoughts with and exchange viewpoints about life in general.

The quality conversations I have with my family is precious and monumental for me.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!