How Special Number 11 is For Me?

So I'm going to share with you why 11 is special to me. It has something to do with my love life.

March 11, 2022

I woke up feeling great! I was optimistic that good things will happen to me on this day. I had plans ahead of me that I need to fulfill and I started it by exercising.

I decided to change my workout routine because I feel like my former workout routine is no longer effective for me. I searched for other workout routines and I thought doing the jumping rope would be the one for me. It is accessible, easy, not really demanding of an equipment, and you just need enough space and you're good to go.

I did 50 jumps not continuously because I easily get distracted by Sunny. While she was doing her business outside, I was doing the jumping rope as well. It was just a light exercise. I wouldn't want my body to be overwhelmed by the exercise especially I'm only a beginner.

As soon as I'm done doing it, I rested for a while and checked my socials (read cash and noise cash). I checked the date and it's the 11th of the month so that means to say it's our monthsary. We are already in our 4 years of relationship and 3 months.

I don't really share here about how my love life is going but to be honest, I'm no longer excited to greet him with our special day because it feels like it's only a usual day for us already. He doesn't send me flowers or gifts during my birthday, our anniversary, or on Valentine's day but I don't do it to him as well. It's just that, it's not how we express our love.

The excitement is no longer there and it's been almost a year since we last saw each other. But then I realized that love is a decision. It's about commitment, it's a choice that you make every day if you stay or not. We haven't seen each other for almost a year because of the pandemic and when his dad died last year, he took the responsibility of taking care of everything in the household.

As much as I want him to come over and spend the time here with me, I can't bear the fact that he will worry about how his mom would be doing while he's away. He has a younger brother but he's not giving attention that much to their mom and my boyfriend has a tighter relationship with their mom compared to his younger brother.

He's also working under pressure because they are currently doing a renovation of their house, and he takes care of everything. He's got bills to pay, and the money he should spend for the materials and for the labor.

As for me, I can't really leave the house easy as 1 2 3 because I need to watch over my grandma as well. I guess it came down to me that we are not each other's top priority as of now. We still chat every day, sometimes video calls, but the level of intimacy that we need for each other is not that strong anymore.

During the early years of our relationship, it was doing fine. The excitement to chat with him every day is oozing with love, the joy he gives to me when we talk feels so "kilig". But as the years went by, the pandemic has put a lot of factors as well in us on how to maintain the relationship well. Communication was there always but it has become more of an obligation already. You know what I'm saying?

I have no questions about how sincere he is to me. He is really a good guy. He has the qualities of a guy I look for. I also have a strong faith that cheating will be the least of our concerns because we know how faithful we are to each other and we both let each other feel that.

I think the only thing that is lacking in our relationship is the time for each other and intimacy. We are both understanding to each other, I strongly believe. We wouldn't have reached this long as LDR (long-distance relationship) if we weren't trustful and honest enough to each other.

I know this is only a challenge that we need to overcome. I would always remind myself to not give up and just be patient. I even told him that maybe we're made to this kind of relationship setup because long-distance didn't make an issue of our relationship that much. We only see each other once or twice a year.

Also, we don't demand each other to do video calls every day. We're not fond of that. We are contented with chatting already. He is busy with his work and I'm also busy doing music. We give each other space but it seemed like it has gone out of space that we almost forgot to chat and ask how's the other one doing. As I have said, It feels like an obligation already and we just got used to the situation every day.

Or maybe we are just making excuses? As I have said, we are to make choices every day and it's a choice whether you decide to stay in the house or meet each other even just for a day?

Then again, I can't demand him to travel and leave his mom because of their situation. That is why I chose to understand him and just wait for the right time. Sometimes, I think to myself that maybe we don't love each other that much anymore because we learned to live through it already. Priorities have shifted and I acknowledge that we're not each other's top priority as of now.

He loves to play basketball and I haven't seen him play in person for the 4 years of our relationship. His teammates always have a good comment on how a good passer he is in their games. We have missed a lot of milestones and highlights in our lives but,

Then again, I always go back to the reason for staying in the relationship because I know I can't find a guy who has the same qualities as him. I love him for who he is and I'm not letting go of this relationship.

That became an emotional one. Maybe it's just the hormones taking over. Haha

Lead image source

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!