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How Should You Argue?

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Avatar for Jeaneth
Written by   378
1 month ago

It's not the goal of the relationship to be happy. It is because happiness is only an emotion. The ultimate goal is to have a satisfying and fulfilling relationship. So basically, it is a combination of negative and positive emotions. It's not always about being happy together, it's about thriving together amidst the relationship's challenges and achievements.

When a conflict arises, both parties are in high emotions and they usually lose the main reason why they are arguing. Things have escalated quickly and other issues are being brought up unexpectedly.

Some would bring out the past mistakes the other one has committed as their way of sticking themselves into the argument.

The question here is, does winning the argument necessary? What happens if you win the argument? Does it change things? I doubt. It only makes things worse.

Arguments are inevitable. In fact, your relationship is boring if you don't argue. There will always be misunderstandings. However, these emotional discussions are a vital part of the relationships. It makes the bond stronger as it helps you discover things you ought to know with each other.

But what if these arguments have already become a part of the daily routine? That is going to be a real deal. It is no longer healthy, and it is becoming toxic. As mentioned, arguments are healthy if handled correctly. If not, then there must be something wrong. Let's find out.

Soften the start of your conversation

Most of the time, arguments arise because of the tone of the voice. It triggers someone's reactions and it leads you into a situation. It is advisable to not start the argument when you are at the peak of your emotions.

Some would say, resolve the issue before the night ends but if the other one is uncooperative or unresponsive, nothing will happen. The more you force the person to speak up and explain, the more they'll avoid the confrontation.

Always be clear with the intention. If you intend to win the argument then that doesn't help at all. Remind yourself that you are doing this, you want a discussion because you want to sort things out.

What is this argument for? Is it to distinguish who's dominant and who makes all the decisions? Or is it because you want to recalibrate the relationship to become stronger and experience harmony?

Complain but don't blame

This is where you point your thoughts out. You convey the message to the other person and explain your side. However, don't blame the other person for the reason of your action or inaction. You need to take responsibility for what you did and what you didn't.

Even if the emotion is ugly and negative, it is still recommended to release what we truly feel. However, because of pride, we tend to hide our emotions so we submit ourselves to the waiting game. Which is not a healthy habit for the relationship. Go back to the reason why you started, and that is to strengthen the relationship.

Make statements that start with "I" instead of "You"

When arguing, most of the reasons why it escalates to something worse is because of the blaming game. You rebut by cursing or telling "you are st*pid, how can you do this to me?" and all that. That heats the conversation and will lead to something bad.

Owning the mistake is a healthy habit of toning down the discussion. Taking responsibility for your actions gives the other person's thought that you accept the mistake and he/she deserves that acceptance.

When you can express your emotions, there's an inner need that is fulfilled. With that, you gave yourself the freedom to reach out and say what you really feel.

Be respectful and appreciative

Regardless of what's happening between the two of you, being respectful and appreciative has to remain. Each one of you deserves respect for it shows the relationship's integrity and union.

If respect and appreciation are lost in the relationship, it's gonna go downhill. Even if you are mad with each other, do not disrespect the other person through his beliefs, educational attainment, how much money he makes, or his family background.

Don't store things up

These can be the unresolved issues you have with each other with your pasts, sickness, or secrets you haven't told your partner. Sometimes, these are also the reasons why arguments arise when someone figures out something that you've been hiding for a long time or an issue being brought up over and over again that results the other person exploding and burst out.

The pandemic has brought many couples to uncover secrets and mysteries from each other so it's no longer surprising that many couples broke up because their love for each other was tested.


I know this is not something that you memorize and apply to the relationship right away but at least you know the guidelines and pick where you are weak at and eventually work hard for it so you become mature in the coming years.

I believe for the relationship to minimize the arguments, it is advisable to re-evaluate your emotional deposits with each other. Hugging, kissing, or saying I love you assures the other for the relationship to strengthen in a way.

Lead image source and reference


Thanks for reading!

Keep safe everyone ❤

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Avatar for Jeaneth
Written by   378
1 month ago
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Comments

I can't totally relate kasi wala naman akong jowa pero nakaka-relate ako kasi nakikita ko minsan sila Mama na nagtatalo. Well, not totally nagtatalo or nag-aaway. More on nagkakapikunan. Kapag ganito sila, pinapakiramdaman ko lang sila kasi ayoko naman na mangialam pero kapag iba na feeling ko? Ayun, nagsasalita na ako. Sinasabi ko na, "ayan na naman kayo" or "saka pa kayo naggaganyan kung kailan tumatanda na kayo." Pero maya-maya lang eh okay naman na sila. Nadadaan din sa usapan at pakiramdaman.

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1 month ago

Hahaha. That's true. As they age kase, nagiging sensitive na and grumpy kaya nag ka clash na personalities. 😅

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1 month ago

Yes, Ateee. Siguro one factor na din 'yung kapag nag-aaway sila is nagbabati kaagad kasi napi-feel nila na di na namin nagugustuhan ginagawa nila. That's why kapag medjo iba na dating 'nung sagutan nila eh nagsasalita na ako, but in a good way naman. Kapag wala kasing nagsalita eh di sila titigil.

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1 month ago

I am currently in the talking stage with someone. This will be a great help incase nagkaroong kami ng argument. Thank you po

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1 month ago

Yup. Open communication lng talaga. Hehe

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1 month ago

Sometimes in relationship you just have to drop the arguments for the sake of inner peace, it doesn't matter if you win or lose on it.

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1 month ago

True madam. Pride pud ang ultimate kalaban oy. Pataasay og pride 😆

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1 month ago

Mapride akong tao noon. Pero ngayon I learned to lower it. Natutunan ko na walang patutunguhan kong lagi kong tinataas pride ko. Kaya ngayon, pag may misunderstandings kami ng partner ko, I learned to control myself.

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1 month ago

Hehe. That's good sis. I'm sure your relationship has grown stronger after that adjustment. ❤

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1 month ago

I am happy I don't have the attitude of storing emotions. And I am happy that he own his mistake and apologize. Indeed relationship is not smooth sailing but glad that for us we make it through the challenges everytime.

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1 month ago

I'm glad you have that kind of relationship. Strong and full of integrity ❤

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1 month ago

Thanks I have this attitude of giving us always room for our mistakes and learn from it.

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1 month ago