How Am I Now? Life Updates, Moving On Stage

I was supposed to construct an article the other but things are just not coming my way. Apart from being busy, I'm mentally and emotionally struggling with how things are shaping for me.

Just 2 days ago, my cousin got engaged. I'm the eldest girl in the whole family next to her. My relatives are teasing me when I'll get married. The majority of them didn't know that I broke up with my boyfriend last June.

It was my ex's birthday too on August 3rd, I wonder how he was doing on his day. I was trying my best to not check his socials because I don't wanna do things that involve him anymore. I don't wanna be emotionally invested again.

2 weeks after I broke up with him, I muted his my day on Facebook to prevent me from seeing his life updates. I didn't block him nor unfriend him on Facebook. The breakup was fine though. It was not a toxic one.

If I'll be asked if do I still love him? I'm certain that not anymore. It's just the emotions attached to him are still there. I still have the gifts he gave to me, only a handful though. We're not that really gift-givers.

The photos I have with him are still in my gallery. I guess this is now the time to delete all of them. The past few months were challenging. I didn't feel the need yet to let go of the memories yet because somehow, I found myself still hoping of getting back together but now, I would say not anymore.

Although, I can't help myself to feel a lot of pressure with my life status today. No matter how I try not to focus on it and shrug it off, I wonder how my life would be 3 years from now.

Last July 16, a schoolmate in high school chatted me on Facebook. He asked how things are going for me. We exchanged chats for a week or two. Back in high school, he was in his 3rd year and I was in my 4th. I noticed him before, his mom went to the same school my mom teaches too. So I had a little bit of a background from him already.

We got closer, he even had plans on visiting me in the city to talk and catch up. He admitted that he had a crush on me back in high school, and he just found the courage to say it to me recently. He asked if he can court me and I said okay.

However, just a week ago, he stopped chatting me. Just last night, he chatted back and asked how I am doing. I said I'm fine then I confronted him right away about us. I felt like he was not serious and he was taking me for granted.

He explained that he was busy with his work. He also told me that he got scared after learning the reason behind my former and that if we'll be in a relationship, we'll end up with the same reason for breakup which is long distance relationship because he has plans to go abroad.

So I told him that he shouldn't tell girls easily about courting and leave them hanging because it will affect them so much. Girls easily get attached and for sure we begin to invest time, energy, and feelings or emotions and we will be left hanging. I mean, I feel betrayed? He was just playing with my feelings?

You guys come into our lives and disturb us, flirting, and leave us hanging? Our lives were peaceful before you came and leave us like this? It's just that, he disturbed my peace? Each day, I find more reasons why I'm giving up on love.

Then again, I will give more time to heal and focus on myself. I am not really looking for love. If someone comes serious and committed, I'd be grateful. Otherwise, no thank you.

This turns out to be a rant article. I thought of expressing my thoughts here and let it all out because it feels heavy if I won't.

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!