Are You a Nice Person or a People Pleaser? (II)

So this is a continuation of my last article. Check its first part here.

You're uncomfortable with conflicts.

Are you afraid of conflict? Do you usually find yourself being quiet when an emotional discussion arises? Are you always thinking that others are upset with you because you said something to them and you are afraid it'll hurt them?

If you always think of what others will feel if you speak your opinions even if you are right and it is justifiable then it is a sign of being a people pleaser. You tend to apologize for the things you are not responsible for and you choose to not stand up for what you believe in.

I consider myself a coward, honestly. When an argument arises especially if I feel like it's not going to make sense because the other person is my superior or someone I respect, I just stay silent and just absorb everything the other person is saying.

Maybe because I also grew up in a traditional upbringing where speaking up is disrespectful, as our grandparents would say, so I find it hard to stand up for my ground. From there, I struggle to deal with conflicts.

You take responsibility for other people's feelings or mistakes.

Have you watched a movie or a series where an employee takes responsibility for another employee's mistake? They show too much loyalty just to please their boss' feelings. That's one example or sign of being a people pleaser.

Empathy is a gift and not everyone has it. If everyone does have it, there will be world peace and that's unrealistic. Empathy is putting yourself in someone's shoes to connect with them deeply.

However, when you are already absorbing too much of their sentiments that it affects your well-being, then that is a sign of a people pleaser. If it is too much consuming your time and energy already, that's no longer healthy. You are already emotionally drained and that's something you may want to avoid.

Please remember, and I should remind myself too, that we are not responsible for other people's feelings. It is not up to us to fulfill their emotional needs and we are just here to give them advice to the best we can.

You seek for validation.

Do you find yourself seeking validation from others? Do you require yourself to ask for someone's approval before you acknowledge your actions? If you do, then that is also a sign of a people pleaser.

Maybe you don't recognize your achievements until someone praises you? Perhaps good comments or positive reviews about yourself to boost your self-esteem? I mean, it really motivates us to do more and better when being appreciated. In fact, I have written an article for that, check it here.

Then again, if you seek too much validation from how others see you as if they dictate everything you will do to feel good about yourself then that's already self-destructive and problematic. You are losing the chance of letting yourself grow by who you really are.

Let us remind ourselves that we cannot please everybody. People will always have something to say no matter how good or bad you do.

You don't speak up about your feelings when you are hurt.

I used to be this kind of person. I tend to bottle up my emotions. I thought that it might upset the people around me because I'm just being a nuisance and I'll just stress them over.

I realized that I am being unfair to myself to make other people happy. And so, it hindered me to establish authentic relationships with the people around me because even I am not being genuine with my feelings.

This article made me realize a lot of things I myself. I realized how much of a people pleaser I am and not nice. Though, I honestly evaluate myself as a mixture of those signs, not fully. I am guilty at some point.

This seemed to be a negative one when I know my intentions are pure but it made me look into the other angles that yes, my boundaries were compromised and it's not selfish to focus on myself too especially if a certain situation has been happening over and over again.

As they say, shower yourself with love first before you love others and help yourself first before you help others. We are not here to please others. We are who we are.

At the end of the day, it should always start with the question "how pure your intentions are?".

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Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!