Are You a Nice Person or a People Pleaser?

I am subscribed to a YouTube channel that mainly talks about Psychology. It specifically helps you to determine what kind of person are you given the situations for example. Upon checking my notification, the title says "8 Signs You Are Not 'Nice' But A People Pleaser".

By the way, how will you define a nice person? What are the qualities that make someone as nice? One would define them as humble, generous, empathetic, kind, and forgiving. But what if these qualities compromise your happiness?

Others would take advantage of your kindness because they know your qualities as a person and they'll think that it's normal for them to do it because they used to see you like that. By doing so, isn't your happiness already compromised?

When I opened the video and it enumerated the signs, I was struck by how closely the signs somehow define me.

Here are the first 4 signs enumerated: (will share the other 4 in my next article)

You tend to over apologize.

Apologizing is an admirable trait. It makes a person humble as it shows how a person recognizes their mistakes and weaknesses. However when you confuse yourself between humility and extreme guilt, that no longer makes you a nice person but a people pleaser.

When a situation happens and you see no reason to apologize, you don't have to feel sorry. If you are not responsible or a part of why it happened, it is not your business to own up and take the responsibility.

You struggle to say "No".

We are taught by our parents to be generous and kind to others. But when you tend to overdo it to the point that it already compromises your boundaries as an individual then that no longer makes you a nice person but a people pleaser.

It is important to establish healthy boundaries for yourself so others would not take advantage of your kindness. Learn to prioritize your needs.

This has been a long issue for my dad and his peers. When his peers invite him to hang out and drink, he always finds it hard to say no and that he'll think of what his peers might feel if he says so. His decision is not based on his own but on others. That alone already compromises his time, his boundaries, and his freedom of choice.

Then I realize that yes, it's not being nice but actually a people pleaser.

You agree with everyone.

Do you speak your mind to everyone or do you just keep your thoughts to yourself even if you disagree with what the other people are saying because as much as possible you want to avoid arguments?

It is okay to criticize someone's work especially if you intend to help them enhance their craft. However, if you intend to humiliate, body shame, and bully the person then that shouldn't be the case here.

Personally, I don't really speak my mind that much. I take a lot of courage and balance in my mind. Most likely, I always agree with everyone but when I feel the need to share my thoughts about it, I speak too.

It also depends on the person you are talking with too. If the other person's personality is too overwhelming for me, I find it hard to speak up because I'm not comfortable.

You change for others.

Do you hide certain parts of your life when you are with people? Back in our teenage years, it's where our sense of belongingness is mostly lacking and so we feel the pressure of conforming ourselves to the society we would like to fit in.

It is when we are still trying to figure out who we are as a person in general. Somehow, the intention is to impress other people about your group and that makes you feel good. Then again, as you grow older and mature, you should realize that changing yourself to please others is not good.

Yes, it gives you that sense of belongingness and happiness but in the long run, you have to acknowledge that are enough to be yourself and you don't need someone's approval to let you realize you are worth it.

I will share the last 4 signs in my next article.

As for me, reading these signs validates me as a people pleaser. I struggle to say no, but when I do, I feel bad about how others would feel. I apologize for something even if it's not my fault just to rescue myself from that confrontation.

So, given the first 4 signs of being a people pleaser? Are you with me too? Share your thoughts in my comment section below.

Lead image source

Thanks for reading.

Keep safe everyone!