Forgiveness is not something you give out so easily especially when you've been hurt so much. You would curse the other person and sometimes you are left with hatred in your heart and you become fiery.
Forgiveness is not only for the person that hurt you but also for your own peace. After the pain, the next process you are in to is forgiving. In that way, you are letting go of the pain and you're allowing yourself to heal. But this doesn't mean you condone the person with what he/she did to you. You have every right to be mad. Be furious about it. And to be healed from it. This also does not mean there's nothing to work on to and it definitely does not mean that everything will go back to the way it was and everything is okay. No. it was not okay, it is not okay and it will never be okay. It happened. You were hurt, you might even be still hurting. You might also be hurt again when you it crossed your mind. But you will surpass everything. You will heal. When don't have to include the person in your life when you forgive if you're not ready to. You can forgive the person and block him off your life. blocking him off doesn't mean you don't forgive him. It just mean that you don't want him ruin everything again but you don't hold grudge already. Think of it like when you go to a restaurant and you didn't like the food and service. You forgive it but you don't wanna dine in that restaurant again. I may make it sound like easy but no. It isn't. It takes time, you have the right to take your time. No one should be hurrying you. It would be hard especially because we are mad, we are full of hatred to that person or maybe because we are sad. Sad because we were caught off guard and that we actually love the person that hurt us and we don't see sincerity in their apology. Some people don't realize that they are liking the feeling that they are superior when the other is apologizing. And not knowingly loving the adrenaline anger has given you. So when you forgive someone you should be really willing to do so. Don't force yourself if you're not ready and still mad. The pain and anger will only come back when you force to heal and forgive.. Let time tell you when you should. Think about the time you were hurt and accept that you were hurt and mad. Accept the reality of how much you were hurt. Like others say, "acceptance is the key". Accept and acknowledge not only the pain but also the lesson you learned about the incident. About you, the other person, your needs and boundaries. Know that you don't only need to heal, you also need to learn. Expose the anger (not violently though) and feel the pain. Say it, shout, write it down. Include the anger not only the pain while healing. Soften your heart a little. You once loved the other person after all, that's why you were hurt. If you soften your heart a little and look on the positive side, it will be a bit easier. But softening your heart does not mean you go and let them hurt you again. Forgiving is not as simple as snapping your finger and all is well. It's not done overnight. Don't hurry. Decide whether you tell the other person you forgive them or not. As I've said, this is not for his sake. It's for your own peace of mind.
Forgiveness is your gift to yourself after the pain. Don't rush into it. You are allowed to feel sad, hurt and mad, and your feelings are valid, Be ready for another chapter of your life after you heal. Process sadness and healing will come naturally
It doesn't work this way as you state. Of course, it's good if you forgive someone but these are just words. You can say it but sooner or later after years, the anger pops up. This is normal because the soul has its own way to deal with the hurt. I am not saying you have to let it poison your life but it's not realistic to say "I forgive you" if it doesn't feel that way and in reality, you did not. Those words you just say because therapists say it's better to. But that better to does not work out in reality. I am not talking here about a guy who hurt you or a best friend who betrayed you but about serious things like group rapes, being molested for years, surviving a concentration camp, etc. What your soul can not forget, your brain can not give a place (yet) you simply can not forgive.