Tortured Heart

In life, we have decisions that makes us who we are, what we are, and how we are at present and even in the future. Sometimes we are imprisoned with our own standard and decisions.

There are times that we thought good career would make us happy, yes it does but there is still lacking within us. At times we think money is the key but there is still something different within ourselves that we could not understand.

Most cases goes like this, we are too focus on making others happy and that we set aside our own because they matters and at the end of the day in our silent hours we shed tears and scream in our niche because there are things that they don't understand about you. We are considering their emotions, their likes and dislikes, we study their every yes and no and accomplish their every wish, so they could feel at ease and you gain their trust because you value them and then suddenly you forgot yourself. You have forgotten the thing about you, that you also wanted to be happy as they are.

You want to choose your own happiness but you losses control whenever they opposes because it's them that matters and not you after all. How about when someone comes and awake your inner you and you suddenly remember that you have a self to consider, and then those that matters and the one that somehow matters does not get along and it shakes your world and makes you feel empty within.

You have to make a choice again but this time you have to hold both chain for them and for the other one because you don't want to lose any of them. Then you start to question of, "Am I not doing the right thing?", "Am I not allowed to be happy just as they are?", "Am I that wicked that my right to feel the feeling has been taken away from me?". It's a question that tortured the heart and still you smile and hold the smallest light of hope that someday those that matters will matter you too just the way you did to them.

Time flies fast and you are still holding that hope until you've come to decide to let go of the other one and live a life away from any of them and try to forget how the torture made you feel numb. Deep within you there's a shout. A shout to ask for at least a chance to be happy, but as soon as the shout shouts that shout louder and louder, your tears rushly falls down your cheeks which remind you that the battle within isn't finish yet. That you have to choose them amd forget your heart because after all your life will never last forever. After all, you will be going home far away where no heart break and tortures that would make you cry and sigh.

You have to cry your heart out when you have too but never hurt them by choosing your own because after all you will never stay long in this borrowed world. Who knows when? And who knows where? As long as you leave a legacy and treasures for them, you will be remembered as the one who loved them and if your absence make them cry, maybe they'll remember the other half of yours that suppose to complete you but remained halves because you lost it while you sail for them.

A tortured heart does not mean the end of life, it maybe the end of you but not the end of them. So if torturing your heart makes them feel better, cover it with a smile and stay "okay" in their presence. Hide your scar and forget your heart. Because when you fight it now, you're fighting your own heart and your own will too, so let your heart be tortured by you. After all, you're good at pretending to be okay even if you're not. If it hurts, cry! If it bleeds, heal it! Never let your guard down and see where your tortured brave heart can lead you.