Wondering how?

February 3, 2022

Have you experienced to be stressed out of thinking something that you really wanted to have because it's needed but sadly you can't able to have it because of such reason?

Well, I really experienced it lately and even right now. I don't know but I just end up crying lately after I had talked with a friend through chats because I had so many realizations in my mind that made me hurt by just recalling everything and never thinking on my acts to what will be it's consequences after. With that, I now experienced the consequences of my action before which I never thought would happen and be experienced by me since I looked up higher in myself but now I felt I was so down as in super down which you can found me at the very bottom of the sea, maybe at the sea floor and can hardly goes up because it's so heavy. The water from the sea was so heavy and that made me drown and hard to swim up.

I wanted to eliminate that water in my shoulder that made my body became heavier and the main reason why I had difficulty of lifting up my body to swim upward. But I had this on my mind that I kept on wondering on, HOW?

How can I able to lift up myself when everytime I tried to I end up losing and it became more heavy at the end.

How can I able to eliminate all this stressors for me to feel relief and don't have to mind for everything?

How am I going to find a way to surpassed every worries if no one is there trying to lift up those water for me so that I can go up faster?

Now, I wonder. Am I really diving into a swimming pool that has no water?

Why is it so difficult? Why I end up hurting myself physically and emotionally? and Why I thought that the pool I'm diving into has actually a water on it where in fact it hasn't.

By the way, Why am I so emotional on this article? Now, I hate myself questioning everything because I am one of those who only wanted to radiates negativities into a positive one. I'm also one of those who are trying not to felt bad and not to blame myself for what I've done because it's all done and what I need to looked forward is on how am I gonna resolved everything.

I am totally wondering how right now and not just how, also on the why things.

I know I just became so sentimental right now but I felt I'll be relieved after I can write everything that's wondering my mind and in my heart. I'm just thankful that in times I am in this state like being stressed, burnt out, depressed I had this way of expressing what's in my mind that I know this community would helped me eased the pain, the worries and will not judge me. I felt free in here, free of expressing my thoughts and this matter is one of the reason why I am blessed and thankful as well to be part of this platform or community.

Aside from my friend whose hard headed to like me not to mention @Zhyne06 hahaha. She's also one that I trust with in terms of sentimental issues like this. Therefore, both read.cash and this said friend mention. I just want to say I'm grateful for I can share with you all my worries anytime. Even this friend of mine don't really have a good advice after. (Haha)

Anyways, I'm just writing what's on my mind and heart right now and just go with the flow of what I really wanted to say and what I felt right. So, I apologize because this was just a nonsense article and just a sentiments of things coming from me. I just can't build a better idea of what to write because my mind were bombarded of many stressors.

That is also the reason why I wasn't able to publish article yesterday which I don't like because I wanted it daily.

Lastly, I just hoped I can help myself out in everything that made me stressed out. Hopefully, I can find a way.

"For my sponsors and those who upvoted my articles. I would like to say my deepest gratitude and happiness for you all since you always keep me inspired and motivated. Thank you so much. More blessings to all of us here. Love you all :)  @Janz

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