When I wasted your Love

I said that I'm not gonna make an article for today in order to relax my mind as well. But I thought of an article to write because this heart of mine pushes me to create an article. It's something like I can't sleep well tonight if I can't even make an article for a day.

So, here it is. Since my mind and heart pushes me to write, so I'm gonna write an article but this article is just a product of my imagination and I will grab the opportunity since my imagination flies right now and it really created a story. Now, I will share in this article what my imagination is all about.

The power of imagination.

I am a college student particularly an education student. I must say that I'm somehow known in our university because I am good singer in our campus.

I known this man. He's cool and when I first saw this man I must admit that I like him. To found out that we will be seeing each other everyday because he's my co-dormmate. I really liked him and I wanted to get his attention. What I did is that I always asked if he's done eating and I tried to be friend with him. Then, I was happy because he also talks to me, he even shares to me his life experiences and I found out that he was just in a state of moving on from his long time girlfriend. Because, I liked him I grabbed the opportunity of his loneliness. I made myself the scapegoat of his sadness or shall I say I made him happy. I even sing a song for him while I'm playing the guitar, I talked to him everyday as if were very closed. In other words, I'm a trying hard girl who wanted to get his attention.

So, it's been 2 months that I've been doing that but then he's still not courting me. Well, of course I expected that because I felt he's also enjoying my company even though I know he's still not over with her ex. So, one time when we had a party in our dormitory of course we drank alcohols. I sat beside him but he's just ignoring my presence even I tried to get his attention. Until, such time he stood up.

M: Where are you going? (my voice were cracking already because I'm already drank)

H: I will go to my room, I'm sleepy. I'm going to sleep now. (Then he goes to his room)

What I did is that, after an hour. I follow him in his room. Of course no one noticed me because they're all were busy also. Yes, he's already asleep. Because of my eagerness to become his girlfriend I did things that can trigger him as a man. (You know what I mean) Of course, man has weakness and he really go with the flow. He kissed me back and I was happy with. But, suddenly I was shocked of what he did. He left me and he goes out the room. I felt ashamed of myself. I don't know what to do if I can still be able to talked to him again because I felt "tanga" that time.

Week later after that incident...

Yes, it’s a week that we don’t talked. A week that we not even dare to look each other in the eye. I admit I’m totally ashamed of what I did to him. But to tell you, there’s nothing happened to us though but the fact that I did such things that isn’t decent as a girl, it’s really a shameful one. But, after that week he talked to me already.

H: Heyyy... How are you?

M: I’m good and you?

This conversation is so awkward as in very awkward, I even don’t know what to say.

H: About what happen, let’s just forget that one it was just driven because of alcohol. I know you’re drunk that time and I also.

M: (I don’t what to say in here, I just nod at him instead)

After that convo, we started to talked each other until such time that we find ourselves mutual for each other. Yes, he never courted me though but I feel his care for me and then our feelings were mutual. One time he confronted me that what if we try to be like girlfriend and boyfriend. When he said that, of course I agreed because you knew at the first place that I liked him so why not right?? (aggressive tayo ehh lol)

Fast forward

We’ve been together for almost 2 years but while we stayed together longer our relationship also became dull. It is because of me. I must say that I am a girl that loves to party. I party there and there and I knew in myself that he doesn’t like it but I still do and sometimes I’m not telling him about my parties just to avoid quarrels. But not knowing that he knows all about it. He confronted me and of course he’s angry to me because of that. But then he tried to understands me ad give me a chance. So, I stop for going out for parties because I don’t want him to get angry at me.

Then one time, it was a vacation time. He and his family flew to Manila because they need to attend a wedding of their relatives. That was one month that were far apart. In this month I again did things he doesn’t like. I go on parties again with my friends without letting him know. I even left my phone at home when I’m going out for him not to be able to contact me if ever. Then, there was this happening that I and my friends were having a party and there was this guy who always sat beside me, talked to me. Then when I get drunk, I know in myself that I’m wild when I get drunk then in that party I’ve cheated my boyfriend in a way that I sleep with another guy. The guy that who always sat beside me. Yes, I really did that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, why I did that.

When my boyfriend got from Manila of course we met each other. I never told him that I cheated him while his in Manila. Who would right? But, I was shocked that he knows about it. He confronted me about that in a calm way. I myself was really shocked, why did he knew it. Of course, what would I do but to tell him the truth. Yes, I told him the truth about that and I was shocked that he just hugged me tightly while I’m crying and then he told me not to do that again because if ever, he will never give me another chance. With that, I was kind of happy because he still chooses me despite the fact that I’m cheating him.

So, we stayed together for one month after that. But then one happening again that triggers him to totally left me is when he knew that I still goes on parties.

Because of that he really told me that he need to left me because he wanted now to respect himself.

With that I now being left behind by the man who truly value and loves me. The man that who always gave me chances despite all that I did to him. The man that tried to understand me in everything I did. Now, I wasted the love that he gave me. I’m totally a jerk.

I realized everything when the time he left me. Yes, I’m hoping and reaching to him after that and still asked chances and told him that I will changed for him but it’s already too late for me. He told me that he can never give me a chance again because he wanted to respect himself and he don’t want to waste his time for me anymore. Also he told me that he already gave me many chances but I just wasted all of that and now he’s not going to risks for another chance for me. Then what hurts me a lot is when he said that he found a girl that will value his love and he will never waste that.

With what he said to me, I really burst to tears because he’s really true with all what he said. I’m really a jerk who never values the love he gave me. Now, what I can do is regret. I even did lots of experiments for him to come back to me but I failed. He still chooses that girl over me.

Now, he’s already happy with that girl and what I knew is that they already had a child. Then, as for me I’m still in the process of moving on even though it’s been almost 3 years after he left me.

Regret is what I really felt up until now.

Disclaimer: All of this were just a product of my imaginations. haha

So for my reader out there, hopefully you’ll get some lessons from this imaginative mind of mine. Happy reading!!!

(feel free to comment down you thoughts about this)

@Janz

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