The Thoughts For Fear Of Life and Death Ultimatum

April 26, 2021

Humans have given an ultimatum when they are born in this world. And life is just borrowed so we have to return it once we reached our ultimatum. Just like any product, life also has an expiration. But in products, we can tell when is the exact expiration date unlike the ultimatum of human life. We don't know when will be our end, it can be today, tomorrow, or the next day.

I am writing this article because a question suddenly pops out in my mind after seeing a photo online. A photo of someone lying inside his cold casket in which we can tell that he has reached his ultimatum. But what caught my attention are the people, perhaps, the loved ones and relatives of the deceased person wailing around the cold casket.

Then I have asked myself, a question that I never thought of before. "We are happy to see a newborn baby, we welcome them with a smile. We always celebrate our birthday, and people will greet us happily. BUT, why can't we give a smiley goodbye to the dead?"

See? It's a question that you won't think of as well, or maybe some thought about it.

Why can't we give a smiley goodbye to the dead?

Why do people cry when sending a dead to his last destination?

We cry because we are sad. We cry because we can't accept the death of the certain person, especially if he/she has been part of our life. We cry mostly because we are afraid to die.

I remember when I was in primary five when our little brother died due to unknown sickness. I have been his babysitter and what's more painful was the moment he died was just a few weeks before his first birthday.

I cried when he was sent to the hospital that afternoon. And I was sad because I can't go with them as I need to take care of my little siblings. The next day the have returned and it was my uncle who was holding him with a white towel covered on his body.

I was so glad to see them coming and I was excited to see his face. Then I realized something was wrong when I saw my mother crying behind my uncle. I slowly walk towards my brother and found him unconscious and not breathing. His pale face and bruised body shut my mouth in a while as it was my first time to see a dead body.

The tears of grief started to fall and I was literally crying like a small kid. "Mama, mama, what happen?" I kept on asking my mother but no one answered me. I saw bruises on my brother's body, and marks of injections and dextrose sites were found on his wrists, feet, and even on his head. As a kid, I thought like he has been salvage in the hospital. No one cared to answer me as the house gradually filled with grief and sorrow. Later at night I got the answers to my questions.

My brother suffered from what they called "disapila" (I forgot the English and Tagalog term). It is something like a sickness that has no treatment and big dark spots will come out once the person is already dead. Even the doctors were not able to save him.

The process of embalming just took place at home. When I saw a container of blood, fear shivered down my spine while imagining how the process was done. A curious kid with lots of unanswered questions became uncomfortable and that night, the face of my dead brother and the blood lingers in my mind and it kept me awake the whole night.

When I grew up, I learned how the embalming process is done. Then I told myself that when I die, I don't want to be embalmed because I don't want those people to re-murder my dead naked body.

From that moment, I avoided seeing the faces of dead people anymore as I can't easily erase them in my mind. I watch horror movies, killing, thrilling, but those are just fiction movies so I can manage to erase them in my mind.

Then every time I'm attending a wake, I always ask myself, "am I ready to die?" Will people cry as well when I die?"

Many people are ready to face their faith, but many are afraid as well to step foot on their last destination.

However, this world is a perilous place and unsafe to live in, and we humans are not immortal. If today is my day, you don't know, tomorrow might be yours. This is what the line meant, "you only live once, so live your life at its best." Because we don't know when our life ultimatum will take place.

But what I am afraid of is not my death, but the people I will leave behind once I cross the bridge of life. I am not afraid to die, but I am not ready yet to face my ultimatum.

My goals aren't reached yet. I am still in the process and not halfway there.

My dreams are still floating in space and I still need to catch them.

My family is still waiting and I still need to go back home.

We fear death probably because of the pain, we fear if it will be prolonged and reduce the quality of life, and we fear the loneliness of dying.

We fear death because it will end our meaningful life. We fear death because we won't be able to complete our life's projects. We see it as an obstacle to our goal and a sign of failure.

We fear the non-existence and the unknown after death. "Will we go heaven, or to hell?" That is always our question.

We feel fear because it is normal, it's human emotion.

And to accept death, we should be prepared. But for me, I am not ready yet, although I need to.

How about you? Why do you cry when sending someone to his/her last destination? Are you ready to die?