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The Insanity Of Bringing Home The Bacon (A Breadwinner's Message)

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Avatar for Jane
Written by   1759
5 months ago

July 31, 2021

Until when do we need to suffer to suffice the needs of others? Until when do we need to wait to achieve real freedom? Until when do we need to wait for the moment to come that all we need to mind is ourselves alone, not others.

Image from: https://aleteia.org/2018/05/16/are-you-spiritually-exhausted/amp

When I smile, it doesn't mean I am happy. Because sometimes, that's my way of hiding my loneliness.

When I laugh, it doesn't mean I am enjoying my life. Because sometimes, that's my way of saving myself from insanity.

When I cry, it doesn't mean I am hurt. Because sometimes, that's my way of releasing my emotions that are embedded firmly in my heart for a long time.

Bringing home the bacon sounds great. An ability to be proud of. But is that even what I wanted? I never imagined my life winning the bread for my family. I never imagined my life bringing the bacon at home. I never imagined my life carrying the heavy baggage on my shoulders alone. Hey! I also need a helping hand. It's too heavy! Would you mind carrying some for the sake of everyone?

Did you even ask me if I want this life? Because all I ever wanted is a peaceful and happy life, following my own path, not the path unintentionally created by others, but I forcibly stepped on for the sake of their welfare, because nobody can do it but me. Am I the only person capable of the said tasks? You also have bodies and minds that can grind and strive for your lives.

Did you even care about my steep, rocky, and path full of thorns? Did you mind giving me shoes to protect my soles? This course of mine isn't easy to navigate and giving me nausea in its every cycle. The mountains are too arduous and high to climb. Would you mind giving me a push to reach the top? The journey is too long and my body is getting weak and weary to stay on. Would you mind looking at the road and steer the wheel for me? Because my body is already exhausted and needed some rest I should say.

And even if I am away, you always bother me.

"Ate, do you mind buying me some stuff for school?"

Did you even ask if I have some penny in my purse?

"Ate, can you give me some load?"

I never imagined my life becoming a load retailer. Do I look like a store?

"Ate, do you have this and that...?"

I never thought that I am a department store already.

"Ate, my birthday is coming "

So what? Do I look like a cake?

"Ate, the tuition fee is about to due. Can you send me some money?"

I never thought that I look like a bank already. Do I? If only I am, it would be easier for me to unload the heavy baggage on my shoulder.

On every holiday I want to sail away because even if I am in my own abode, my mind and body are not getting a vacay. Surprising bills and lists of expenses are waiting on the table. Indeed they are surprising as they sent shivers down my spine. Should I be happy with that surprise? Or lose my appetite because I'm totally fed up.

Conquering the distant land is not easy. I'm just a human that gets sick as well. Did you even ask if I am okay? Muscle pains and discomforts are being suppressed just to continue the journey. I've been to new places, should I call myself lucky for the short pleasure? Because at the end of the day, the fantasy is turning back to reality and I need to wake up to face the fact. The fact that it won't last a lifetime. The fact that the happiness felt was just temporary. The fact that I will never feel the ultimate freedom that I ever wanted in life. The fact that I will never be freed from the cage of burdens.

Sometimes my mind goes insane and my body wants to end the pulse palpating beneath my skin. Darkness takes over me and I feel like the world stops revolving, so I want to stop breathing as well. Is it even unfair? Why not? Can't I make my own will to end the suffering?

Image from: http://www.loverofsadness.net/show_picture.php?tag=dark

But the sun shines so brightly and clears the dark thick clouds away. It gives light into my room. Everything goes back to senses and burdens become lighter. Fate is always against me every time I want it to fall in my way. Maybe there is a reason behind it because life just happens.

That's life anyway, and as they always say:

We are meant to carry heavy baggage and only the weak can carry the light one.

And I should keep going and never stops. If this is my purpose in this world, all I have to do is accept them wholeheartedly. It's heavy, yes I know. But maybe you can help me lift some for the sake of everyone?

The time will come that I will reach the end of my journey, I'm getting weak, I can feel it. Would you mind continuing it for me?

As for now, I will continue this course of life. And in every step I take I will pick up the beautiful pebbles and stones on the ground. I will collect every dazzling flower on the streets. And I will rest under the canopies of the big old tree when my body calls me to stop.

If I fall, can you reach a helping hand for me to get back up? Because I can't finish this journey alone!


I hope I could reach this message to everyone who has a breadwinner in their family. Some breadwinners I know in this platform are @Eybyoung @Yen @Kryptlook @sjbuendia @tired_momma and more.

We are only human and we feel tired, we get sick, and we are vulnerable. So don't be so demanding and strenuous, instead, give a helping hand. Hear our weeps and cries, mind our aching bodies. We also need someone beside us towards completing our journey. We also want real happiness and freedom!

If you are in my shoes, don't give up. Every day is not a stormy day and I know that tomorrow will be brighter. And everything will fall into our way. Just keep going, keep fighting, keep soaring high, and never stop!

Thanks for your time.

This is getting insane 🤣🤣. Will this be our new banner? Lol

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Avatar for Jane
Written by   1759
5 months ago
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Comments

I just got the chance to read your article ate :)

We are only human and we feel tired, we get sick, and we are vulnerable. So don't be so demanding and strenuous, instead, give a helping hand.

Honestly, I feel you too ate. I always wanted someone to lend me a hand. And,

Hear our weeps and cries, mind our aching bodies. We also need someone beside us towards completing our journey. We also want real happiness and freedom!

Hear me, look inside of me, and understand how much I feel today. It's so hard lang talaga na someone was depending on you already. Tapus they would say, "Hingi ka doon ng pera kay kuya mo, madaming pera yun." At somehow these words as my life continues was no longer yung tinatawag nating "motivation" but has become a torture already. Yung feeling na you were forced kasi they're depending on you na. Pero like you said ate, hopefully. We'll get through this at KAKAYANIN.

$ 0.10
5 months ago

Tama..kakayanin natn to.. Btw, you are not so active here anymore. Mas mgda na system..so mabuti araw arawin mo

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Kahit nga sa noise ate kasi medyo busy pa... Hanggang ngayon kasi yung distribution namin ng relief goods is ongoing tapus kami din nagrerepack.. tatlong volunteers lang para minimize yung tao dahil ecq padin kami until now. During night, para wala na akong energy to write or anything man. Kaya medyo hindi active. Pero tuwing lunch, minsan nakaka visit din or umaga before pumunta sa church

$ 0.00
5 months ago

May mga oras talaga sa buhay natin na napapagod tayu...its okay to tell them about it.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I hope my comment is not misinterpreted or offended by someone but sometimes there are such toxic families, so badly grateful, so inhumane that they only look after their own interests, they have no empathy, they don't put themselves in the place of that individual who is there helping him, giving him a helping hand, I read to you and I feel a lot of courage, disappointed because they don't deserve you as a daughter, sister, cousin, niece, granddaughter, you are an incredible girl, that has grown, that has matured, who knows what he wants, who has his feet on the ground but still exploit you, still they don't value you, they don't give you that love you deserve, that value you deserve.

And that same situation that you live, many people are living it, it's so easy to be home, lying down, enjoying a good television show, while the other person is working hard, putting aside his plans, to please others, my respects dear Jane, it's not easy, but they say things happen for something, this is influencing you, molding your character however if I tell you, sometimes you have to set limits in life, in life, we cannot overcome plans, weaknesses, and aspirations of others for ours, life passes very fast, time does not forgive, find your path, your way, fight for what you want, then it could be too late, many beautiful woman forces, I send you a big hug.

$ 0.10
5 months ago

Sorry for the late notice. And thank you for the message 😭

$ 0.00
5 months ago

That's just it, when you work, you look like a money sign to others. :)

$ 0.02
5 months ago

Haha.. Kala nla lage pumapasok ang pera lol

$ 0.00
5 months ago

hahah akala nila hindi lumalabas ang pera. hahahaa

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Stay strong. I know the feeling that we might sometimes wanna give up , pero tuloy lang po. Wala namang ibang aasahan kundi tayo din. Dalawa po kami ni ate na naghehelp sa bahy, pero bigay ko pa din ang korona sa ate ko na sobrang sipag magtrabaho para sa amin. may God always bless us with strength and will to live on despite life's tough trials. ♥️

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Randam ko yung pagod mo, alam mo kahit may anak na ako mas doble nga burden ko, iniisip future nang anak ko tapos yung matulungan si mama kasi mga kapatid ko di nag iisip maghanap nang paraan para makatulong kumita maliit pera, kahit malalaki na sila. Pero di ko nman kaya matiis na pabayaan na lang si mama. Haaay alam mo yung, may mga pangarap din akong mag enjoy mag travel goals etc, pero di mo magawa lahat kasi kailangan mag tipid tapos yung jowa ko bread winner din jusko bat ganon hahahaha kapagooooooooooooood!

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Ang hirap kpg both ay breadwinner. . habang buhay na ata tayo magiging ganito 😅

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Kainis gusto ko nmn guminhawa yung sarili lang muna iisipin 🤣

$ 0.00
5 months ago

"We are only human and we feel tired, we get sick, and we are vulnerable. So don't be so demanding and strenuous, instead, give a helping hand. " True 👌 I have a cousin who is working hard under the sun as a labour in Dubai and his family members are enjoying sitting in Air Conditioner. They don't bother how hard he works.

$ 0.03
5 months ago

Many are like that because they can't see how hard our work is just to suffice their needs

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Everyone in the family should be a bread winner. It doesn't matter if you are just working part time or selling stuff, the thing is at least you can provide for your own and share some to your family. Winning the bread should not be left on one person alone. We must all help each other.

Breathe, Ms. Jane and hugs to you💛

$ 0.03
5 months ago

Tama. Sana soon makapagpahinga na ako

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I feel your pain mama, this week has been a hectic one for me because of responsibilities, and sometimes I wish I could run away because I have been at it since I was fourteen.

As much as I want to be free, I can't stand the sight of my family lacking so I just have to brace myself and be strong for the family. I do console myself with the belief that I was sent to the family for a purpose and one day everyone would be fine and I will have my freedom. It is one of the reasons I have chosen to be single because taking that step would definitely break the family.

$ 0.05
5 months ago

So you are one of us. . Someday, we will be truly free from burdens.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I believe that, happy new month to you.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I was in this stage before that I really wanted to give up. But then I realized giving up would being me nothing. After all they're my family so sacrifices would all be worth it. What I need is just a little break.

$ 0.03
5 months ago

How about now?

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Well, the situation is better now because I already voiced out my hinanakit to them and we're okay na po. 😁

$ 0.00
5 months ago

A salute to all the bread winners all around the world.especially for those who are in distand land conquering the waves of ocean...All those hardships and sacrifices are all worth it at the end of the day.. I may not experience this now but in the future I'll be one.Goodluck to me..😊 Stay strong lang po 💪laban lang.

$ 0.03
5 months ago

Thank you

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Kudos to people like you who are setting aside their own happiness for the sake of their family who are relying to them for financial support,especially. Yeah, it happens for a reason. I am only hoping that one day all your efforts would not be put to waste. One day, when you need them they will be there for you as you have been to them. Stay strong

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Hopefully sis.. Btw, how's your baby? 🥰

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Nakakatouch naman to, sis! God bless po sa lahat ng masisipag na breadwinners.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Ang sarap po talaga sa feelings yung may mangangamusta sayo, yung may mag iisip sayo na okay ka lang ba? Kamusta kana ? Hindi kaba nahihirapam dyan? May pera kapa ba dyan pang gastos sa sarili mo? Nakakakain kaba sa tamang oras ? Kadalasan sa magkakapatid may isang breadwinner talaga na handang mag ibang bansa para mas lalong makatulong, pero hindi nila pinapahalagahan na miski kamustahin. May nabasa po ako about sa ganito don sa facebook grabee maiiyak talaga ko promise 😭 Bunso sa magkapatid nagtatrabaho siya para sa makatulong sa family niya maganda ang work niya kaya malaki ang nabibigay niya at siya ang nagbabayad ng sinanla ng magulang niya na lupa pero hindi sapat yon patuloy parin ang hingi ng magulang niya kahit na wala na siyang pera nanghihiram nalang siya sa jowa niya ng pera pambigay sa magulang niya. Ni isang Kamusta hindi manlang siya nakatanggap mula sa magulang niya, magchachat nalang kapag sahod na para i remind sakanya na magpadala agad ng pera 😭😭 nung last na padala niya biglang nalaman niya na gumastos ng malaking pera ang magulang niya para don sa kapatid niya, kaya bigla niyang chinat ang magulang niya na bakit napakalaki ng ginastos. nagpatuloy ang Babae na magdrama sa magulang niya🥺 pero ang hindi niya masabi na may sakit siyang cancer, gusto niya sanang sabihin na yung perang ginastos pinang pagamot niya nalang sana sa sakit niy 😭 hanggang sa huli yon nakakaiyak lang ..

Kaya hanga po ako sayo Ms. Jane kahit na alam mong hindi masyadong safe sa ibang bansa nag lakas loob ka para sakanila🥰❤️. Kung dito nga sa pinas delikado na doon pa kaya sa ibang bansa.

$ 0.15
5 months ago

Alam mo ganito ako before saka lang maalala nang mga kapatid ko mag text pag need pera kahit di ako abroad haha. Pati sa mama ko ganon sila kaya naawa ako sa mama ko haay. Nasa manila si mama nagtatrabaho.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Bakit mas naiyak ako sa story na to 😭😭 Ganun ang ibang breadwinner. Yung kht may sakit na kakayod parin... Sinasakripisyo ang health at kaligayahan pra sa family.. Ang sakit 😭😭

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Sobrang sakit po talaga 😢😢 kaya ako hindi ko pa masabi na breadwinner ako kasi wala pa po ako sa kalagayan mo at nila. Nauutusan ko nalang po mga kapatid ko at ang mama ko ayaw akong mapalayo sakanila. Sa dating work ko Nidec ang company na promote po ako bilang trainor sa mga bago then sinabihan nila ako na ipadala sa japan . Hindi ako pinayagan ng mama ko sabi niya di bali ng mahirap lang kami importante sama sama kaming lahat at kumakain pang araw-araw.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Ay kung ako nun.. Magpa japan ako. 🤣

$ 0.00
5 months ago

MAsyado akong tinamaan ate, only child lang kasi ako so lahat gagampanan ko. Minsan napapatanong nalang ako na, "nag-iisa lang ako pero bat never kayo naging supportive?", yung tipong lahat naman bunibigay ko, iniispoil ko nga sila ng nakukuha ko dito sa rc. Tas sasabihin sakin ng nanay ko na, "napakadamot mo naman, magbibigay ka lang", minsan ang sarap sagutin ng "nay di naman ako robot, sana maisip niyo yun". PEro wala e, against sumagot sa magulang. Lampas nako sa tamang edad pero never ko nasubukan maspoil sarili ko kasi sila yung iniisip ko. Never ko binilhan yung sarili ko ng gusto ko dahil naiisip ko baka may gustuhin sila or what. Pero ayun sobrang nakakapagod hehehehe

$ 0.08
5 months ago

Kala ko nag aaral kpa? So far hndi naman ganun sla mama.. Mas demanding mga kapatid ko kesa sa parents.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Opo ate, working student po. part-time while no class pa, matatanda napo kasi sila kaya ayaw ko rin po umasa sakanila.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Sometimes we feel tired from the hard work of having all the responsibility for someone else's life and my own. My son and I are home alone. I no longer have a father or mother. I have raised him on my own with my work, working harder for him than for me. I am very proud that he is about to finish his engineering degree next year. And thanks to my efforts. That's the beauty of being the breadwinner. Accomplishments. Far away are the tortuous roads, the sufferings. Now my mind is at ease because he will have a tool to fight in life and earn his own merits.

That will be my reward for my hard work of more than 20 years of effort with him.

If you fight for love it does not weigh on your heart. Go ahead and you will see the fruits of your labor. God bless you.

$ 0.10
5 months ago

Are you a single mother? I also salute the single mothers.. They are truly amazing and strong.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

There are too many things that made me a strong, smart, independent and capable woman. Whatever you want to do you can do. There is nothing that a woman sets herself to do and does not achieve it. Only her power of mind drives her to do the impossible.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

At some point, life turns the table around... Those who depended on others become the ones others depends on... And the breadwinner cycle continues

And since they didn't ask how their predecessors felt, the next generation cares less until they too suffer the same fate

Cheers to all the breadwinner around the world. The Lord is your strength

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Thank.. It will always a cycle until the last child.. Lol

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I feel for you when I read this but some parts got me laughing especially this part

"Ate, my birthday is coming " "So what? Do I look like a cake?"

I don't know what it feels like to be the breadwinner because in my family everyone is a breadwinner. This one provides today and some days another takes over the journey. Even when most times some don't want to but it usually ends well all the same.

Though I don't know the feeling of being the only breadwinner but I do have a friend who happens to be in that shoe and most times I really feel for her because she usually feels like breaking down and not wanting to continue anymore.

I pray that you receive all the strength you need. All will be well Jane.

$ 0.08
5 months ago

I experienced that before .. That feeling of almost giving up.. But my fear of death and God, as well as my love for my family prevailed. .

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I pray that he keeps giving you the strength to move on and not give up

$ 0.00
5 months ago

My elder sister is a breadwinner and I could imagine how tough it is to cater for other siblings. She paid my tuition fee for three years and even kept sending me pocket money. She sends money home whenever they call her of an emergency. She also has her life and one day, she told me to be quick and start working so I can also relieve her. I know it isn't easy but with God, everything would be alright someday.

$ 0.05
5 months ago

It's not really okay.. My sister who will help me next time is only 2nd year college .still have more years to come to lessen this baggage

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Oh! I understand you and she still has few years to go and you will still have to keep carrying the Responsibility. I hope and pray that God make it easier for you.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

To the bread winners and to the single mums out there I salute you all....its not easy to build a family single handedly, my dad passed away 17years my mum has been there ever since I know how hard it is to fight the battle alone....God is your strength don't give up

$ 0.03
5 months ago

you too. And you should help you mom

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Yeah I do 😊...thanks

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Salute sa mga breadwinners. You have strong love for your family. Stay strong po.

$ 0.02
5 months ago

Salute to all breadwinners out there for carrying all the burden. ❣️🤗

$ 0.02
5 months ago

What a world without ate?

I'm proud that I had Ate who also choices to travel middle east for my college degree, she had 2 children yet still insisted to shoulder some of my baggage, I am really thankful to my ate. And I remembered what the comedian Melay tells in the face of Boy Abunda, "There's nothing such as breadwinner in their family, they all work hard.

$ 0.05
5 months ago

And for sure you are helping your family now.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Yan ang mahirap madam, ako diko pa naranasan yang ganyan pero damang dama ko naman sa article mo ang bigat. Sana naman din ung iba magkaroon ng consideration no. Ung mangangamusta sana pero walang kasunod na "Beke nemen". Sana kaya mo pa madam ☹️🤗🤗🤗💪

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Kakayanin madam habang andto pa..not sure lng kung makauwi na 🤣🤣 bka mas bumigat lol

$ 0.00
5 months ago

You indeed a virtues to your family, I pray you will not loss relevance. The one who had made you to put smile on other people face will keep helping and lift the burden off your shoulders. You are a bold and courageous woman, don't relent gain more confidence in your words and believe. God will surely help momma Jane

$ 0.03
5 months ago

Thank you..

$ 0.00
5 months ago

This is one of the Filipino traits in which you tend to be the provider since you are the breadwinner. Yes, it's tiring most of the time because you won't have time for yourself or even enjoy yourself with your own earnings. But what can we do? family will always be a family.

$ 0.03
5 months ago

True.. Ang iba wala paki at iniisip ko panu nla kinakaua yun. Pro hndi mo tlga matitiis ang pamilya.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

hindi talaga kahit anong gawin mong pagmamatigas 😁

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Salute! I really have a soft spot for all the breadwinners, as I myself is a breadwinner too. However, I may seem different for now as I am just supporting them for two years.

With you ate Jane, I cannot imagine how much sacrificed you already made for your family. You are beyond amazing! Lahat talaga kinakaya para sa pamilya. Hopefully soon, you can say na, "This time, ako naman." We all wanted that. Always make sure to take a good rest still, Ate!

Stay safe and God bless you more! 💗

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Natouch ako dto. Sana nga dumating araw na yun. Salamat 😭

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Soonest Ate. You are welcome. 💗

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Alam kc nila responsable ka.. Yun lang sna hindi puro hingi, sna may concern din sila sayo d ba🙂

$ 0.02
5 months ago

Your love for your family is boundless which is good. I never get to experience being asked to send money when I was abroad, but I knew someone (actually several) who 'suffered' the same fate as you although his siblings and parents are still very able to work. He complains at times too saying his family doesn't even ask how he was doing and just asked him to send money, and I felt for him just as I am feeling for you right now😪😪😪

I remember Oprah Winfrey talking about "learning to say no and setting boundaries". I hope one day you will set yours too... hugs❤

$ 0.06
5 months ago

Yun ang masakit. Maalala lng kung mag seswldo na at may kelangan 😥 relate ako jan

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Oo daw, ganon dn sila. D man lng muna mgpakmusta, pera daw agad sasabihin😪 Hapos maiyak ako while reading yours. Msakit sa heart😪 Pero I believe kaya mo yan. Pero wag naman sagad darling, I mean yung kabaitan mo❤

$ 0.00
5 months ago

I feel sad reading your outpour of what it's like being the breadwinner of such a large family. I, too, am the breadwinner, but I believe that I have it easier. Basically, I don't have as many mouths to feed. I hope that when your siblings are older and working/earning, things will be easier for you. All the best, Jane. Stay strong.

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Some are already working.. But some stopped because of this pandemic and their company temporarily closes.. This is still a long way to go but I need to be strong 😁 thanks

$ 0.05
5 months ago

Ah, this pandemic has caused much hardship to everyone around the world. You are their pillar of strength. You have no choice but to be strong for everyone at home. Take care of yourself.

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Alam no madam yan din yung hirap ng breadwinner. Sacrifice at minsan kakapagod din pero buti na lang din ang mga kapatid ko ay may kusa at hindi ako pinepressure kahit hirap kami nung sabay sabay silang mag aral. Yung kahit walang matira sayo okay lang. Kahit kada sahod di mo inuuna sarili mo. Nagpayoff naman. Yung masakit lang sa iba kapag naaalala ka lang pag may kailangan pero di ka kinakamusta man lang. Never ask if you're okay. Mapapaisip ka na lang at malulungkot.

$ 0.05
5 months ago

I just added your name ng makita ko comment mo.. Nkalimutan ko isa ka dn samin 😁 Yun ang masakit .at least nabawasan na burdens mo madam. Sakn tagal pa hihintayin 🤣

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Somehow relate sis, panganay din po kasi ako. I still have goals for them na hindi ko pa nagawa.

$ 0.03
5 months ago

Same. Dami pa. Sana kayanin

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Oo, nga sana din sis

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Nubayan naiiyak ako 😭 Hirap maging panganay 😭

$ 0.03
User's avatar Yen
5 months ago

Sobra. And you know that

$ 0.00
5 months ago

Yeah 😭

$ 0.00
User's avatar Yen
5 months ago