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Life Is Tough, Be Tougher

**September 9, 2022** I was reading Milly's article on another platform where she mentioned about tough life and her plan to visit her parents. All of a sudden, I felt sadness in my heart and I miss my parents so much. It's been five years that I haven't seen them personally and only through chat and video calls on Messenger are our ways of keeping connected, giving updates and news. And sometimes, I am even more busy blogging than talking with them on weekends. https://ecency.com/hive-109288/@millycf1976/as-i-am I was at the age of 15 when I became independent and lived away from my family. That was when I studied in college and since my school was located in a city that is almost 50 kilometers away from home, I opted to live in the city to save for fares and to avoid traffic jams that often consumed a lot of my time in traveling. It may not be far like how you define distance, but it was my first time living alone without them and away from home.

Struggles are real in the beginning as I have to adjust to the place, as well as the people in the boarding house. I dealt with different lodgers with different personalities from different hometowns. And for an introverted person like me, it was truly tough to socialize with roommates with whom I didn't even know if could be trusted. During my first days and nights, I wasn't comfortable and I couldn't sleep well. A lot of emotions were mixing and bothering my mind. Oftentimes, I just want the night to slip too fast so that I could go to school and be with classmates whom I was more comfortable with. The same with the day that I don't want to end too soon. But as time went by, I started to feel a sense of real independence and freedom. Along with it was becoming more mature, not just in mind, but in all aspects. I was living in a new place with new faces so all I could trust was myself alone. I had to deal with different things, that include budgeting my money so it would last until my next allowance. Sometimes it doesn't, so I needed to go on an unanticipated diet and tighter budgeting. At the end of the day, all I learned was about tough life, in which I need to be tougher. Those experiences were the same as when I ventured into a bigger city, the capital of my country where I experienced and perceived more about life, conquered more challenges, strengthened my faith, and learned to stand on my two feet alone when conquering the storms of life. There were days and nights when I felt too lonely and alone. Anxiety kicked in many times and even thought of ending my life as I felt like it was a failure, and I wasn't good enough to be accepted by the companies I applied for and applications abroad have no progress. But still, my fear of God and death took over my conscience and I managed to deal with my anxiety. As I ventured out farther and went overseas, that's when I saw another face of life, tougher than the toughest, and I became a conqueror in a foreign land where I was uncertain of what lies ahead of my journey. Life becomes more toxic here, along with the work and negative people around. It triggers my anxiety more easily and it kept going and coming, especially during the darkest hours and toughest days.

Again, there were times that I want to let go of the faith I was holding as I felt like, life is too unfair for those who sacrifice their own lives for the sake of other people. Compromising their own well-being just to see their loved ones happy and getting the support they need. But at the end of the day, all I get is exhaustion because of working for other people. However, things get better when I learned to deal with negativity and toxic work here abroad. It seems that I have been vaccinated and become immune to life's toxicity. The good side here is that I felt real freedom and a sense of better independence that no havoc of life could turn me down again, and I was able to conquer a lot of storms. Stronger, resilient, and persevering person, that's how I was formed by the challenges in the past. And wherever I go, I would carry them along with me so I won't fall easily. These all happened when I become independent and did not rely on my parent's pockets. Although I missed them so much, I am always grateful for them for allowing me to get the freedom I needed and experience real independent life. Apart from it is the chance to wonder and wander and see more beautiful places, experience other cultures, and become a better individual.

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