There are situations that test the best and worst of each person. Far from judging them for it, they can be used to get to know them in depth. Many of us have lifelong friends, some of whom continue to surprise us for the better and at other times disappoint us. We also meet new people that we find charming and we want to continue to get to know and share things with them because their company is pleasant. Therefore, there are certain situations in which we really get to know a person that we should pay attention to. But getting to know a person in depth, with all its positive and negative sides, is something that involves more intimacy, many hours, and many different situations and sharing more than just a dinner or a night out.
However, even so, having shared a lot of time and many experiences in which there have been good and bad things, there are specific situations in which you really get to know a person. We are going to review them, some more serious and others more banal, but all of them have been able to make us see inner aspects of that person that we did not know. One of the possibilities of getting to know a person is when he or she encounters a stressful situation. This happens even if it is not serious, so we will be able to know a lot of things about him/her by the way he/she faces that situation. He may become nervous, aggressive, unable to think clearly, not looking for solutions but only complaining or even blaming others for what has happened to him.
We can also see an attitude of avoidance, delegating responsibilities to others because he considers that he is not capable of doing it or that he does not have to do it. These are minor situations, but the way in which a person behaves in the face of minor stressors will give us an idea of how he/she can face situations of greater life stress due to more serious matters. This is how you really get to know a person. It's not about a person just talking to you to ask for a favor and then stopping talking to you when you've done it for them. It's about those relationships in which one party relates to another but, when he or she is no longer interested for various reasons, stops taking you into account. Knowing when your friend needs you and when he or she doesn't will give you a clue as to what this person is really like.
In that sense, living together is the ultimate test if you want to know how a person really behaves. The way he/she respects your space, respects your things, doesn't argue over absurd ideas are some examples. You realize if they are capable of sharing or just doing their life at home, which often seems anything but shared. Commenting on others is normal, and even more so when two people share the same group of friends or are involved in a common field (work, sports, social). But talking about others does not imply disrespect. On the other hand, continually judging what they do, analyzing whether their life is better or worse than yours, or telling intimate things about that person, can give you some clue about the person next to you.
Finally, it is difficult to know when a person is really selfish. You should be able to tell when a person does you a favor just because you have done them others and they know you might reward them again. But that generosity is false, that is still self-interest. People experience distressing situations in our lives and it is vitally important to have perceived social support that seems valid and warm to us. Surprisingly, in those moments when we need someone's attention and affection the most, we may find indifference, bad words or underestimation of our mood. We may even notice a cold attitude, in which the other person's problems are still above our own, even though we are living a really dramatic situation.
Have you ever faced situations that allow you to really get to know a person?
Disclaimer: I would like to let you know that English is not my mother tongue, I may even make some mistakes in the elaboration of sentences in my posts. Feel free to correct me attentively. It will help me in my learning process.
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It's when you share with someone a dramatic, stressful or generally hard situation you really learn to know them.