Is this love?

Can one love too much? This is the question I’ve been asking myself since the outburst. Though she said so many hurtful words to me I still love her. There was a time I can say the feeling was mutual, she loved me and promised to stand by me always. Little did I know it was a lie.

Every man has a weakness and mine isn’t that bad. Though I’ve always hidden it from her but like a corpse buried in a shallow trench, the stench kept coming out. Several times she’s caught me in bed with different ladies. I know it’s unfair but I can’t help myself. I love her and will always rate her above the numerous ladies I lay with. I’ve explained this to her several times but she seems not to understand. She ought to know this is my cross, I try to stop myself but I can’t.

The problem is the women God created are a perfect work of art. I don't want to blame God the way father Adam did but I can't help not noticing these women. These ladies are too beautiful and irresistible. Take her friend Julia as an example. The curve of her waist can make a gay man straight, it can make a pope renounce his faith, how then can a mere mortal like me resist her?

Blame me as much as you like but mine is still better than some of my friends who are addicted to drugs and the bottle. I try as much as possible to hide it from her but I can remember vividly the pain in her eye the first time she saw my chats with the lady at the convenience store. I denied it and covered it up with a story but I know I lost her trust that day. I promised not to do such again but the next day, the daughter of Jezebel herself was around to lead me into temptation. Even psalm23 couldn’t save me from the sway of her hips and alluring eyes calling unto me.

I get jealous anytime I see her with another guy. Maybe some part of me was wishing she’ll also cheat on me, that way the score will be settled and the constant guilt I feel will be gone but my girl never for once cheated on him. I sometimes wonder what was wrong with me because some of these ladies I go out with are below my Bella in every ramification, they are not as beautiful as her nor are they richer than her. She’s supportive and even my friends taunt me that I’m lucky to hit the jackpot. I know I don’t deserve her but I love her.

She finally said she’s had enough when she caught Julia and me in the act again. The third time. I thought I was careful but Julia wasn’t smart enough to lock the door. I  have a feeling it was intentional because of the smirk on her face when Bella came in. Bella wept bitterly and I was hurt. She left the house with her bags while I was on my knees pleading as usual.

She left like every other time but didn’t come back like every other time. At first, I waited patiently, sending several up? Drop your comment below…l messages pleading for forgiveness but all my effort at changing her mind proved abortive. I called her friends but they all kept cutting me off. It seems they are tired of my constant betrayal and plea

However, I still don’t know why she won’t forgive me this time. Maybe she doesn’t love me as she said. I’m the only one in love. This love is one-sided, but I’m ready to wait for her till she comes back to her senses.

Thanks for Reading!😒💚🤔

Please this isn’t the story of my life. I watched a  documentary and listened to a guy who seems to be obsessed with a lady talk about his love for the lady and the numerous ways he wronged her. I didn’t know what to say than "the guy needs help. Mentally I don't think he is alright". The guy is in denial and he tried to justify his foolish ways.

The idea to write from his view came to mind when I encountered writer’s block again. What do you think one can do to help someone like the guy in the write-up…