December 18, 2021

Due to covid we are urged to comply with putting face mask to protect ourselves from the virus around us. Protection is better than cure, as the saying goes. It has been more than a year that I always wear mask and the only time I get rid of it is when I am at home. Based on my work schedule, I am at home during Sunday so that is the only time I don't wear a mask. I get used to wearing it though I have to admit it did stops me from having to breath freely.

For quite a long time, since I get used to it, I feel like naked when I am not wearing a mask. Sometimes I get out of the house without it and I go home immediately to out it. Aside from protection, the confidence I have before when we are not wearing face mask is gone. When I am not wearing, I feel like ugly. The face mask compliments my eyes and everyone is telling me I look good with the face mask on. For that reason, I am have to always remember to put it on. I feel like a different person and I have to agree, I look a little pleasing with only my eyes are visible.

Sorry, but I don't have pretty face, or maybe the confidence that I am beautiful but I know I have unique traits that are very useful and I am awesome too, doing my purpose, I still love myself.

Do you wear a different mask?

I am not talking about face mask now, but rather a different mask that you need to wear to become professional or just to hide what you are feeling inside. Maybe it comes both with wearing your mask and pretending, but you just need to do it because it is vital to what you are doing and whole being.

I do that all the time. Specially when I am in front of my boss. There are times that the rules at work is not in my side. It is either will make me feel uncomfortable or my job will get harder to do because of the new rules, but still I need to do it and comply with it because I am just an employee, I need to follow a rule.

Professional Mask

Whenever this happen, I wear the professional mask. There are few times that I do not agree to changes at work. I feel I need to say No, but I'm saying Yes. I know it will be hard for me but I am doing it. I am nodding but deep inside, I'm struggling. I am smiling but I'm whinning. I need to act like everything is fine, I can do it, I'm professional, but it really hurts. It is like slicing me slowly. As an employee, you need to support what is best for the company in exchange with your struggle. I think every employee knows that.

Friendly Mask

I am an introvert. I cannot breathe when I am seeing a lot of people. Imagine me entering a room at work and everyone is there looking at me although I know every people in there, I still feel like fainting. I still talk to everyone when they start to have a conversation. I smile at them, laugh at their joke, I wnat to make them feel comfortable but you know what, I am losing breath inside. It is suffocating for me to talk to people. Once the conversation started I wanted to end it but I need to pretend that it's okay. I don't want to leave a bad impression.

Even with my own friends, I am suffocated. I have friends but we are not that close. They sometimes invite for chat or a simple meet up. It is hard for me to go with them. My schedule is always busy, I am not always available but they say they miss me so I said yes sometimes. Since I'm not good with conversation, while they are talking to me, I need to find a certain topic that we will both interested to talk about. We need to have a common topic to pull it off. That is the time I am wearing a friendly mask.

Daughter Mask

Since it is about the daughter, specially I only wear this for my mother. At home, I put the face mask in the trash bin but as soon as I step in the house, I automatically wear a daughter mask. This mask is the mask that shows I am always available for my mother when she shares me something. When she started talking, I need to focus on her because she wants to get rid of all the stress she is feeling that day. Regardless I'm working or not, I need to give my full attention. Don't get me wrong, I love my mother and the conversation is golden, but sometimes I need to focus on my online job because it has deadline and she is eating all my time. But it's okay, I don't complain about that, I will adjust to it. I want to be a good daughter. I want to be a daughter that is always by her side. Time is of the essence, we should spend more time with our parents.

To add to this, whenever my mother starts to share her stress, I know what happen next. She will ask for money, lol. I know it already. Whenever the story is sad, surely she will ask for money. Sometimes I am frank but in a nice way, telling her to be straight to the point, but still she wants to share the whole story, okay, I'm all ears.

Sister Mask

When I have a daughter mask, I have a sister mask too. In this part, it means I am always available to the needs of my older sister. She will ask me to help her to translate a certain email, to make a letter of request, to write a memo, to tutor my nephew, to order online and I will not say it all since it could reach 10 years before I get finish. I am always available when she needs me. I cannot wear a frown, because she will get hurt. What I wear is a poker face instead.

Before I forgot, let me include this beautiful souls who never let's me down. You will be very lucky to have them as your sponsor that is why I am forever grateful to them.

I have lots of mask to wear everyday. It is not always about pretending, but it is about being the natural me that I need adjust to certain people and certain environment to prevent me from hurting them or vice versa. Every people is different and we all have our ways to strive in a day and my way is to wear a mask for safety and cruelty free.

Pictures are all mine.