While going home, me and my office mate were talking about our work inside the shuttle service. I was feeling guilty that time that I went home early that makes me had an undertime record. I don't mind though because of the topic I am about to share.

Again, me and my officemate were talking about or work, our task, fears, anxiety and even depression. This is about the situation of us at work and the situation inside our family.

Before I share a background story, let me share to you the people that makes me push myself to be best when it comes to writing. My amazing sponsor!!

About the background story, last year me and my officemate, plus another one from our department were promoted. They said that our performance on the first episode of ECQ, dated March 2020, was outstanding. We are included in the Skeletal Team and we were the only ones working in the office while the rest are all in a work from home set up. What we've done was not easy. Despite the risk we are taking, imagine the mountains of workload we need to finish almost everyday with a little amount of time. We always need to go home at 4pm because of early curfew.

On that promotion, it has obviously a twin and that is, an increase of salary. The promotion was July 2020 amd it has been more than a year and the promised increase is still a promise. This year, I remember it was May, we had a Town Meeting at work where the president discussed what is really happening in the company and our status in the rehabilitation. We are on a rehab, means some of the debt we had from suppliers, couriers and anything we buy outside, service or products, are on hold. They cannot ask the company to pay. There is some situation that is really deeper, I don't understand the explanation behind, so I will just say the status of the company is still not okay.

I understand. I support the changes and the big adjustment, like we've been promoted, but the salary increase will be put on hold because of the status of the company. I choose to wait, at present, until they can provide us an explanation either it will be vague if they give us an increase or until they say it will be impossible to happen.

That is why I do not stop working other jobs, because I don't want to be complacent. I cannot live a day knowing I only have one source of income, its cringy for me.

Over Worked

This Is now our situation. Since we've been promoted, we have additional workloads. Our workloads before cannot squeeze in into 8 hours. We bring our work at home. I am still working, until 11 in the evening. So imagine now, that we've been promoted, have additional workloads, how can we finish it all in a day. Of course, given that we have another day, we can do the workload the next day, but the documents or reports are badly needed as soon as we step inside the office. The stress is already there, as always as everyday.

Since we accepted that we've promoted, we accepted the workloads, everyone of us, are OVER WORKED. The stress/pressure the position given to us could give us mental illness.

This afternoon, I was bombarded with loads of document to enter and release in our system. The work that should be given to me at 9 in the morning, was given at 1pm. I should be doing it the whole day, but it was late given to me, I finished late as well. That documents has specific reports to do and it was a 50 pieces of documents and the reports is needed the same day.

I was crying and can't breathe. My anxiety pops. Coffee failed to help me. I was questioning myself for staying. I was asking that there are lots of officemate that don't have the volume of work load and pay is okay. Why on earth does in our department, we are always working hard, I mean Hard, the big Hard..

Underpaid

I cannot pinpoint who's who? Who are working not equal to their pay. Like there are people at the office who are working less but the pay is okay. And there are lots, who are us, that always have lots of work load but the pay is less. The always "kawawa". The always "api". I wonder why the management cannot assess or consider giving increase to the people experiencing the worst everyday.

It is tiring. I almost give up earlier, yet I told to myself I'm just having a bad day, not a bad life. I keep thinking I should be thankful I still have job, but the amount of load is to much. Do I really find it unfair, unfair for me or more unfair to others in the office that has lower salary than I am. Unfortunately, I know mostly the amount of salary of some of them. I will not bear this pain for long if I don't know. For the record, I am the 2nd most lowest salary in there. I feel sorry for myself. That is the bad side when someone from the payroll department accidentally print a salary list and unfortunately, I am the one who pick it up from the printer area.

I always remember the salary list whenever the pressure is on me. Earlier when anxiety kicked, I remember it again and wants to give up then and there. I still want to stay, why, obviously because it is Ber Months already. I still need to weigh my options, but I wish the next time that I revisit my plans, I consider myself because I have been selfish for myself for long. I always think of other people's feelings and situation. I am not doing anything for my health. I need to rest too or else I will be melting like a candle. I wish time allow me to do the things that will benefit me more.

Not that I don't support the mission and vision of my company, but for long years that I'll stay there I am too close to choosing to leave than to stay. Even my Co-department feel the same way. I advise them to find a part time job first, save and when the saving is enough, find another job while in their part time job and leave. Or maybe one day, we will just explode one day and will file a irrevocable resignation.

Then I found this below..

It is a post in Noise.cash. She is a teacher and earning 7k a month. If I feel this way, what more for her? Imagine my reaction or you can read my comment, I was really pissed off.

I guess the problems with the government when it comes to providing income for the teacher were passed to every governance we had. It has been a problem eversince and no one wants to help in finding solutions.

The problem in my company is that, they don't consider the amount of work their employee is giving to the company and they just insists that we should be compassionate. I guess being compassionate comes to an end when you no longer want to go back to work because of your mental health getting worse. Sorry for venting out!!

I was MIA yesterday. Sorry, I was nearbof having a fever. I took a rest with some medicine. I am feeling down since yesterday about work. I need to pray to God tonight and He will sure enlighten me.