Now I Understand...

October 4, 2021

Yesterday, I attended mass online. The mass is officiated by Father Jerry Orbos. As he was sharing the homily, by the way, the homily is about family, I remember a certain incident in our family when I was young. Based on the homily, spouses should never give up on each other. No matter what challenges they are facing every day with their marriage, they should stick to each other because that is their promise to God. The literal through thick and thin should be there at all times.

My family has a history of violence while I am growing up. It was not the dream family my mother recall for herself. She is always hurt, physically and emotionally yet she didn’t give up because she gave us, her children. She knows that the right time will come that everything of it will end, and she will have us, defending her and loving her. I grow up defending my mother even I, myself, receive physical abuse. At a young age, I received physical pain that is not for me. I always cover my body for my mother. And that pain is caused by my father.

One time I asked my mother. I asked her why she is not leaving home. I allow her to leave home to not experience that anymore. She deserves a better life. I didn’t even think of myself and my older sister. I don’t care if we will hurt in the process, I just want her to escape it and have a better life. She told me, why would she leave if her happiness is at home. There is something wrong when there is violence. There is something to fix. The only thing that should be done is to face that problem and solve it. She said she is happy with her life despite it because she gave us. She will fight for her life and our life. She can receive all the pain, but the pain of getting away from us just to save herself is never her option. She even added that, in marriage, since you promised to God that you will be there until your last breath, you will stick to it, as the main victim of a broken marriage are the children and she doesn’t want us to live a broken life.

Before I continue, I want to be grateful for these people whom supported me as I continue my blogging journey. They are amazing people and I wish you will have their support too in the future.

I am thanking my mother for not giving up. The life of my family while it was growing always consisted of challenges that determine our faith in God. Our faith is strong, that is why we are still here and standing strong. My father was not always bad though, he was just that way when he is under influence of alcohol which he failed to stop. I do not wish anyone, any family that kind of life we lived but I do not regret having that life because I become a better person. I learned to respect differences, to be a deep understanding of the decision, and accept what life I will face with all of that. I become strong than I ever imagine. I am sharing the lesson from it and the bitter experiences are my guide for decision making especially when it comes to relationships. I realized that is also the reason why I do not want to get involved romantically with anyone that could lead to a relationship. I think I rather become single until the time I want it than forcing myself to be in it when I am not ready at all.

(Ephesians 5:33)

“If your marriage is filled with conflict, don't give up.” This scripture instructs a husband to love his wife as he loves himself and that his wife must respect him. If your marriage is filled with conflict, don't give up

Have an amazing October 4th everyone and its Monday too. I was busy yesterday as I organized a mini and simple party for my sister. Today is her birthday but we celebrated yesterday for everyone is busy for today. I didn't even managed to visit here. I enjoyed my bonding with my sister as I introduced her to BTS through videos at Youtube. Mostly we watched videos of behind the scenes of BTS from most of their present Music Videos. I became a silent ARMY because of watching behind the scene, for in behind the scene I can know more of the artist and how passionate they are. BTS is one of the artist I admire from attitude, talent and professionalism. That is why they are loved by their fans that they call ARMY.

Images from Unsplash