August 5, 2022

I never thought that it is 5th day of August now and I skipped writing yesterday for unknown reason, maybe because of demotivation again. I worked at home and I felt useless, but I have the time to talk to my old friends when I don't have nothing to do.

I able to find out what is happening their lives and just now I realize, some of my dream from long long time is happening to my friends. I am not sure of this will be some episodes of rant post, because I want to share you how I feel but at the same time I am happy for them. All of my manifestations and sharing of my plans and thoughts happens to them. Or maybe I gave them an idea that they apply in their life and it reach success on them.

First friend, Work Shift

Back in 2015, I shared to this friend that I love to have a straight 4 day work. Regardless of time duration I stayed at the office, I want to have the work to be for 4 days only. One friend shared to me her schedule after we exchanges the time of our daytime work. She said that she works 8am to 8pm in this one Bpo company in Makati and she only works Tuesday to Friday. I was in awe because I remember I dream of having that schedule and it happens to her. I have an 8 to 5 job everyday and I worked 6 hours, Saturday is for OT. She is happy for her schedule because now she has more time for her family, which is should and must.

Second Friend, Got in on my dream Job

My dream is to become a graphic designer and translator. Yes, sometimes in year 2020, my dream changes and I want to be those two, to be a graphic designer and translator. She works in a company and she is on permanent work from home. She works as a graphic designer during the day and at 7pm she has an English class to Korean students where she she speak Korean in order to teach English to them.

I really envy her for getting three of my dreams, one is to be a graphic designer, second is to be a Korean translator and third is the permanent work from home. Plus she is earning good. I am happy for her that she told me that she is now having a savings and she is just happy to the careers she have. I am happy for her. I just want to be happy for her and I want to remove this jealousy. She deserves it, she is a hard working woman eversince.

Third Friend, Already in Korea

A friend is no longer here, which I thought she never left the country due to pandemic but she said she left in middle if 2021. She is now in Korea and working in my dream company! It was bit her first company but when she found out that there was an opening year 2021 she grabbed the opportunity and applied. The work is not easy but the pay is really really good according to her. I was really shock when she shows us her ID, and I am so excited to join her there!!! There is no opening as of the moment but she will let me know if SNS work has an opening, because I can work online with SNS. SNS is about social media.

To be honest, I felt sad for myself

I felt sad for myself because I didn't push hard to make this dream come true. I really want it but I failed to make a concrete plan to make it happen. Before, I think it is impossible. If only I believe that everything is possible, it could happen to me.

What went wrong?

I failed to make it a plan. Right now, I am thinking if I really want those dreams because if I superbly want it, I make ways to make it happen. But I didn't. I even neglect those dreams. Now that I am seeing it happening to the people I love, it makes me question my capacity to make my dreams come true. Or maybe I will change my dream now because it looks like I am copying others dream now, lol.

I didn't work on a plan. I have a plan but I didn't support it with a realistic approach. Also, it has been a long time I am supporting someone and not myself. It shows I am living some other's life because I am helping someone to make their dreams come true while my dreams are left in the drain. That dreams happened already to my closed friends and I am still behind. I am always the supporting side, never became the lead role in this lifetime.

What needs to do?

Instead of feeling sorry for myself, why not continue making that dreams come true. It never too late unless I will die tomorrow. Today is another day for me to reassess and reorganize that plan. In fact, it will be my advantage to make that dreams happen as I have people who are there already, living that dream. I can just ask them how did they do that? I already have a guide now. This is something I will look forward and this is my day 1.

Images are from Unsplash