September 27, 2022

There is a trending topic at Twitter and this topic was initiated by the local radio, RX93.1 Monster Radio. Netizen are invited to join the topic and share what they will say to themselves as an apology. This is just perfect because I had done this lot of times in my journal and now I can freely share it to you guys. For sure you can relate to this too , I am inviting you to do the same topic but with different title, but before that let me say hello to you guys, and I hope you are doing okay!

Then let me start my apology to myself, in 3...2...1,

I apologize to myself for being sensitive. I am not this kind when I was young. I used to be a jolly kid and not minding the harm everyone around me could give me. It all started when I was in high school were everyone around me, mostly, is treating me different. I was bullied, but I am bullying those who bullied me too when I realize their insecurity. Since then, since I don't want to make that kind of attitude as a habit, I go silent when I am hurt. I am easy to get hurt. I am easily offended. Seems not all people are like that and my friend when I became quiet and will just come back of talking to me when they know I am good. I don't like being sensitive too that is why I am saying sorry for myself, however, that is what I become. That is what I become after deciding to think of what is happening around me, observing it, instead of giving my reaction immediately. I choose to be sensitive because it signals myself to be silent. Sorry self that I am sensitive. Some people will avoid us because I am sensitive but I choose to be like this to protect myself.

I apologize to myself for not taking care of my health. Recently, I have been ill. I am still little ill but I am little okay as well. I have body pains, UTI, fever and chills. I even missed work. Self, sorry for not talking of you. Sorry that I am always working and sleeping very late because we have a family to feed and the earnings are never enough. Despite me being hard working, I should not neglect my health and in fact, I should take care of myself more. Don't worry, I am working on my priorities and one of them is my health.

I apologize to myself for taking care and helping other people than myself. I know I have been busy with other people's life and I even spend money for them to support them. I have been supporting people ever since and I saw their success happening before my eyes. I know I have my own small victories but sometimes I feel envy that the success that I dream of is happening on other people. I keep questioning myself and my capabilities. I am not even true to myself. I am sorry self for not taking care of you. Instead of taking care of you, I took care of others. From now on, we will execute our plans and make our goals happen. Now, I should be thinking about myself first.

I apologize to myself for being introvert. I choose to be introvert. I am calm and peaceful all by myself. I have two friends and I am in good terms on my co-department. For me that is enough. I am even friendly online too but I don't have time for chats or exchanging messages. Because of that, I am not known. I am not visible in some people. I have few friends. When I will ask help, for sure I can ask only to those few people I have. Sometimes you are sad self, that is why I want to say sorry, but I know being sad is just temporary and what matters to you is being calm and peaceful.

I apologize to myself for being a failure. While doing this, I realized I had so many things I had failed to do. I started making goals, writing plans, executing it but when everything is out of control, I stop. I am not that strong as I say to myself. I thought I was strong. I am honestly weak and I let it be. Self, sorry for being a failure. I failed you many times. I will try to have good results, but please accept that we will fail first before getting the result we want, or sometimes we might not get the result we expected but we are brought to more different and useful results and amazing experience.

Myself deserves an apology. It deserves a big hug. I failed in making my life a better one and what I am doing at present is not enough for the dreams that still a dream up to now. I think I am running out of time. Planning for a realistic goal should be done now and I should be true to myself in making it happen. Sorry self for all of what I've done wrong. I will make it up to you for our remaining life.

All images credit to Unsplash

All original content from @Grecy095