I am Broken hearted
November 23, 2022Hello everyone even though I don't the energy, I still have the guts to say "hello". I am sad for today and even last Monday actually. I learned something that really hurt my heart. It was a deep cut and it hurts so bad. The problem is that, I cannot cry at home. I can't have a time for myself since everyone is around me there, even the pets are around me. I can only cry when I am in the bathroom, when I am taking a bath. I am pretending to be okay and normal when I am around people. I choose to be very busy to forget it even for a little while, but as soon as I am not working, I sink. I think my heart wants to explode.
If only I can share the full details here but I can't because my source will never allow me. It is legit source and we have been getting information from her ever since.
Let me return to the real topic. What do you do when you are having broken hearts?
I thought I am good in handling this kind of emotion as it happens to me lot of times. My first broken heart was when I was in my elementary. I don't understand what I feel that time and I thought I was just hurt and sad. I shared what I feel to my mother but I didn't share that I was the one feeling it, instead I used someone for my own story. I created a character because I was worried that my mother will get mad at me for feeling that way. She gave me advises for the character I am making and she said that it is part of growing up. Appreciating someone because they make you happy is a good feeling, but expecting them to give care in return is a big no. That is what my mother said. She advised that I should move forward if the other person choose to not to return to favor. She even said that having broken heart is a lethal and fatal so I should be careful with my heart.
Since then I always remember her advises, but still I put myself in the situation that I will be the one that will hurt badly. That is the mistake I kept on doing over and over. It seems I am not willing to learn from it. I guess when it comes to love, I am very willing to get hurt and it is always my decision to get hurt.
I cannot say that I am happy with that person and the person he chooses to be with. I am not happy for them. I will not wish for a better relationship either yet I will not wish for a bad one. This time, I decided to choose myself and what I really feel. I need to be true to myself. I am on the acceptance part but still I can't accept it. He hurt me and he doesn't care. I care about him, I choose to care for now but I don't know how long will it takes to be in that situation. I even don't know what to say because I am afraid to live a life with this pain. I don't like this pain. I give it all to God and I hope God will give me a good life so that I can forgive myself for doing this. I am dying for everyday of my life.
Guys, I know you become sad after reading it. I apologize. I know you feel sorry for me and will ready to give me advises. May I ask you to please pray for me so that I can decide clearly. I feel like I am going to be depress and it is hard because since Monday I am pretending to be okay. I am not okay but I will still live with it until the pain is gone. Please pray for me. I'm crashing down.
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All originat content from @Grecy095
Having someone with whom you can share everything openly is important. You may feel relieved. I think everyone has some goals. Focusing on the goals and working for them will help to move forward.
Love will come in time. Don't need to be desperate for that. It does not matter what other people are doing. Think about your family and do what you think is good for you and your future.