Reminiscing can never be easy. My darkest past keep haunting me even when I have already moved on from that person and despite being happy to with whom I am with, still when I look back I fear for the same thing to happen to my children though it does not hurt anymore but what I have been through was never easy.
As for the article Freedom from My Darkest Past, I basically skipped something in there just to not really make it too long but the Writing Prompt made me looked back on that part that I skipped.
Maybe, it is okay to also write that experience down as a way of accepting and forgiving my young self for letting such man ruin my dream of a so called fairytale and a happy ever after.
Basically, after his unsuccessful attempt of doing "it" with me he tried to apologized. I told him I was not happy with what he did and that I feel harassed and forced as this should be done with "MARRIED COUPLE". So he said sorry, and we tried to reconcile but never did I let myself be alone with him again.
As the days passed by he became cold and distant. His usual visit at home from every other day since it was Summer to every weekends to once a week down to none. Not even a single text message. He would just tell me his sister did not let him borrow her cellphone to text me like the usual and that he was busy. At first, I was fine with it because I was also trying to heal myself from what he caused me.
One day, he suddenly visited me at home and informed that he will be away for a month maybe, because he would have to enter the Military Training Center. Yes. He was an aspiring Military and he is an ROTC Officer way back our College years even high school. I always understood that passion but I kept on telling him to get some rest which he sometimes misunderstood as I am not being supportive but that was actually because he got sick for a week after his previous training and his fever was too high. So I waited for him for a month. By this time, I was also busy working to our relative as a clerk on their office. I waited for his text messages but nothing came. I kept sending him text messages like telling him how am I just in case he can be interested since even when he is using his sisters phone the sim card is his own so I still hope that his sister let him borrowed her phone knowing that he will be away for a month. I got no response.
On the day that he is supposed to go home he texted me that he just went out of the Training Center. Her sister also chatted me and invited me to come to their house so I can see him. I was so happy. When I arrived, I hugged him tight.
He was playing cards with his relatives by this time outside their house and there were a lot of people. I realized it was because they are celebrating "Fiesta". It was already 7PM that time. Despite how tired I was coz I just went out from work then went home and change clothes then went to his house. Actually the distance from our house to his is just 20 to 30 minutes walk.
Going back, he never responded to my hug and even whispered me to behave because there are a lot of people. But what hurt me the most is that when I knew that he had a cellphone inside the Training Center because there is this new keypad phone beside him. I was hurt but happy that he got a new phone. I was hiding my pain of knowing that he did not even replied to all my text messages. It was already almost 12 midnight people are still enjoying and music was too loud all over their neighborhood when I decided to go home. I informed his sister since he was nowhere to be found when I got back to look for him after his sister brought me to where the people are playing BINGO. To maybe comfort me as she noticed how cold his brother against me that time.
I did not wait for him and decided to go home by myself. I was even so afraid because there were drunkards who fought and thrown each other a bottle of beer and were scattered into pieces along the road. It was hard to passed by because they might also grab me. When I had the chance I ran and did not look back til I arrived home.
I was trying to rest and decided to just sit at our doorstep when my phone beeped.
I was happy because the sender was him. But the message shattered my heart into pieces just like those bottles. I started shaking and cried.
Five syllables and a question that I never thought would ruin me that night.
"CAN YOU SET ME FREE?"
My emotions were so uncontrollable that my mom woke up and hugged me. I cried my heart out and was unresponsive for 3 days. My mom kept on checking on me and would even sleep beside me because I would just cry all of a sudden. She was afraid I might get into suicide.
I was 19 way back then but my plans were already built.
I will graduate college
Work and help my family
After 5 years we will get married
This is how we planned things and this has been one of the things that kept me going but I went back to zero and it was hard to forget someone who get used to. All the memories we had came flashing for those days that I was just crying to my room. I kept on bugging him and asking him why? But sadly which caused me more pain is that he cannot explained it and it seems that I do not deserved any explanation because he was always unresponsive much more when I got sick.
Then after a couple of days he suddenly texted me he wanted to focus on his studies and build a career. And I was like, "WOW! The fuck with this guy! Did you not remember that your girlfriend is a top achiever and a deans lister for that matter?!!!"
Plus without me he would not have graduated high school because he missed to pass some projects and activities.
As I tried to fight and survived with the pain he caused me despite the fear when I got sick I then saw some updates on his Facebook news feed not even a month after that painful night. There was this girl who kept on posting love songs and God related songs to his timeline. Then right there, I saw a post that the girl was thanking him for giving her a shirt and to my horror the effin shirt was MY GIFT TO HIM ON HIS BIRTHDAY!!!
I felt cheated. I felt destroyed. I felt like I wasted so much with someone who does not really loved me.
I ran through the comments and stalked the girls profile, I learned she was part of those officer in ROTC from different school who participated in the Military Training Center. Well, girls or women are like FBI, you know.
It added to the pain that I felt and totally lost all the hope that I was still holding for us.
How can someone give up and leave you like you never dream of being together for a lifetime?
How can someone leave you after he promised you forever?
How can someone say Iloveyou and hurt you after?
These were the questions running through my mind. Plus I saw a comment that really made me wanna just die. He commented I love you to that girls post and the girl replied I love you too.
Like just wow! Is this how he would focus studying?!
Eventually, after chatting him all my heartaches and cried for the last time I decided to just not talk to him anymore and totally blocked him on Facebook.
After I moved on just before I knew that my cyst would reoccur after the operation I received a text message. I was shocked when I read that it is his current girlfriend. The girl wanted to meet me and I was like, why would you want to meet me and who gave you my number?
So it happened that she stalked me as well since she saw a picture of me and my Ex. We met in a Mall and spoke about my Ex. That was like 3 months after so I was almost healing from that painful past and really was just trying to heal from my illness. She asked me why did we broke up and all that. I found out that the girl also had this long term relationship with whom he broke up with because of my EX but she was getting back to that guy and told me they broke up too just because he would not honestly tell her who am I to his life and the reason why we broke up. I did not really ask her why she is too interested to me that time as I am not interested to know more about their failed love story.
After another month he got hooked up to different girls while I on the other hand found my partner, he was still the same person I am with and we are running 10 years in relationship now.
I was never a good and perfect girlfriend because I was full of toxicity starting from the baggage that I have as an eldest daughter plus breadwinner so as to that "TRUST ISSUE" that I have deep within because I am too afraid to get CHEATED again. But someone told me,"yung taong mahal ka di ka bibitawan". (The person who loves you will never let go of you)
Despite the differences and a cats-dogs fight at our own home and a referee to our kids at times we were able to keep the fire burning. God will actually lead you to that person who is really for you and during our first date we went to church, I prayed to God that,"if I would learn to love this man I am kneeling next to you please let him be the last."
I am tired of trial and error. But what changed? With this man I did not plan anything because I was afraid to go back from scratch in case he would leave me too. I just go with the flow, continued to pray for him to be my last. I also prayed to God everytime we fight to make him realize his mistakes. Little by little it worked. Hopefully it will continue to work for our kids. I want to give them a complete family.
We are not married yet. Coz for me, it is better to wait long than marry wrong.
...end thoughts...
"A relationship that last long is because of that one person who holds on"...
Never revenge if your partner would cheat on you. It will just be a never ending cycle of pain. If you cannot take it leave. God will guide you back if you are meant to be while at times he will do everything to let you realize that the person is not for you.
Here's my participation of Writing Prompt: CHEATING.
Challenge rules:
Write about Freedom
Write 100% original content
Write at least 600 words
Tag meΒ @GlezΒ may also tagΒ @JonicaBradley
Have fun
oh.. i am glad you are over that person.. there's a reason why you didn't end up with him.. That's God's redirection...