Beware of Bitterness

Bitterness is a difficult emotion to manage. Those who don’t handle it well, tend to treat others poorly as well. Whether it is family, friends or co-workers, bitterness can be seen through comments and actions that may point to a trail of broken relationships. Research has shown that those who hold on to bitterness can have increased levels of stress, depression and anxiety.

The first sign of bitterness is often when one feels they have been done wrong or insulted by someone else. Resentment is usually the next stage in the bitter process. Resentment often leads to seeking revenge and hatred.

The only way to appreciate what a person can do for you is when you understand their worth and the good they bring to your life. I once heard someone say “I can’t see their goodness because I am too busy seeing their badness” – this is bitter thinking.

I don’t know how many times I have heard people talking about other people, saying “I was just so bitter toward that person”. And I know that person may have been a little upset when they said it but I would like to pose the question; Does bitterness hurt others or does it only hurt those that are bitter?

If you have ever experienced bitterness it is usually very easy to identify the cause. In this post I would like to explain why bitterness is such a destructive thing and to help you avoid falling into this trap. Bitterness is self-centeredness. Bitterness comes from believing that someone else has done something wrong to you. The most important thing to remember about bitterness is that it is always ego driven. It is believing that the other person owes you something and it is how you deal with that belief. When we are bitter towards someone else, we are actually bitter with ourselves because of the way we think about ourselves.

Bitterness serves no useful purpose. It only hurts the one who harbors it. Bitterness stems from the feeling that things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to, or wished they would. Bitterness is a feeling and an emotion that is rarely helpful. It is often an indicator of self-pity.

There are several reasons why bitterness should be avoided at all costs. Bitterness destroys relationships and compounds its own problems. Bitterness is a negative force that can eat away like cancer on the spirit of those who harbor it. Bitterness is a dangerous frame of mind because it easily leads to hatred, resentment and evil thoughts. A bitter heart is filled with illegal drugs and alcohol. It is a direct pathway to suicide, murder and other forms of violence against self, others and God. Bitterness is not a good frame of mind. And we need to guard our minds against it so we can never get or become bitter.

I have observed that bitter people always talk about people and things in the past tense. They never talk in the present tense. Using the past tense, they paint themselves as victims who have never succeeded or been rewarded for their sacrifices.

We all make mistakes. Who hasn’t fallen into the pit of bad or unwise choices? Who has never hurt someone they love? Who has never been betrayed by a friend? Who has never been separated from those they hold dear?

For many, the fall is painful. But if we allow bitterness to take root in our hearts, we will die a slow death. Bitterness eats away at you, bit by bit, and before you know it, you are spiritually bankrupt. It’s like swallowing poison and waiting for your enemy to die. If you become bitter, don’t think for one second that you have concealed your feelings from the Lord. God knows your attitude and will not be pleased with you. He will not bless you for holding on to bitterness and anger. He will punish you for it.

It’s a spiritual law: “Only by forgiving others can you be forgiven”

The fall is painful. But if we allow bitterness to take root in our hearts, we will die a slow death. What is beyond our control will hurt us, but it should not destroy us. Bitterness only hardens our hearts. That’s why we must be careful about what we say and do in the presence of those who are easily hurt by the things they cannot change.

When you have been hurt by a friend, you have three choices:

1. You can forgive them, knowing that the strength to do so will bring healing to your heart.

2. You can leave the relationship, but to leave a relationship is to lose a friend.

3. You can hold on to the bitterness and resentment and let it turn you bitter, as well. Your anguish will eat away at your soul and destroy your spirit. It will keep you from making a fresh start that could bring healing and joy back into your life.