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I had something else planned for today but I felt like this can't wait because it baffles me a lot when people claim that they are doing things based on what has happened in the past.
It is can be good or bad, probably someone helped and got rewarded for helping, he or she wouldn't hesitate to help next time but what if it is the other way around?
This thought has been running in my head since yesterday after a discussion with some people while I was waiting at the farm for electricity, it was a lousy one but I was mute all through trying to figure out why we make some mistakes in life. Indeed, we are not perfect but I think not all situations require us to be perfect before we can handle it.
My mom use to say an adage in Yoruba, it says "Ti aba diju ki eni buruku koja, ti eni ire ma fi koja - a koni mo".
It simply means that if we close our eyes hoping that all the bad humans pass us, we wouldn't know when the good ones will pass us by.
I wouldn't want to go into the story because I missed some parts so I decided to come up with something very related to it.
There was this barren woman, she lost her relationship because of this and her husband was too weak to handle his family pressure. They have tried different means of treatment but nothing came up, the husband decided to have an extramarital affair.
The woman caught him and filed for a divorce and the man didn't hesitate to go for the offer. The woman in person is a doctor which means she would have done a lot just to end her barrenness, every result says they are good but why isn't anything happening?
The husband's new lover got pregnant after few months and the child finally came into the world. The woman was in deep sadness and she decided not to give a man a chance again because she thought she had the issue since the husband could impregnate someone else.
Her siblings tried to talk her into marrying someone else, she was 34, and making such a decision doesn't look good for her. They staged her with suitors on different occasions and she even turned down advances from her church brethren, I guess she was too hurt judging by the husband's action.
She was like that for the next six years of her life until she came across a man when she went on vacation to Canada. Her cousin wanted her to come to stay for few months and everyone was in support because it could help her snap out of that life she has chosen due to betrayal and it worked.
She surrendered herself to the advances of the man but just for fun and after few days of outing, she felt loved again. The man is single, his wife died and he wanted a mother for his child and a woman for himself.
She visited him at home, after lots of fun they ended up in his room. She felt stupid to trust a man again but acted cool, there was nothing to be worried about since she would be leaving the country soon. She eventually left the country only for her to discover that she was two weeks gone, how did that happen??
It looked impossible, she told her family and she immediately contacted the man, he was very happy and never doubted her. He immediately started organizing how he was going to visit Nigeria and after everything, they eventually got married and she had her first child at 44.
The husband's child is a sickle cell patient which is a mystery, he is AA while the new lover is AS so how did the issue of SS come up. In the long run, the man discovered he wasn't the father of the child he had called his own for over six years which means he has been the one with the hidden problem all this well.
I think it is wrong to judge everyone by what someone has done to us in the past because we don't know who will make us happy again.
Aside from the relationship affair, I have seen people who choose not to help people or do some other things because they were once betrayed, taken for granted, or not appreciated.
It is impossible to say that you wouldn't visit the hospital because a relative once died there, we just have to get over whatever happened so that we can be on the brighter side of life again.
Bad things will occur, we will experience betrayal from people we never expected it to come from, breakups, and others will shake us, break us but we mustn't let it reshape us from the good human we have always been. Nothing or nobody in the whole world is worth letting go of your happiness for, we must pick ourselves up and learn to walk on that path where we once fell.
Imagine a man who caught his lover cheating, they left each other but he ended up becoming a beast to another woman. He monitors her and beats her for every little mistake she makes because he now believes every woman is a cheat, that is not right. Such a terrible experience doesn't need to reshape you from being a good person to a bad one.
While growing up, you had financial challenges and no one stood up to help you. You have finally become successful and you think that since you made it to the top yourself, nobody deserves your help.
You are wrong about that, people not helping you when you needed help shouldn't reshape you. It should make you understand that there are lots of people out there struggling without anyone to support them and since you know what it feels like, you should come to their aid instead of acting cruelly to them.
Those things you went through are a lesson to make you stronger and better at what you are doing, it doesn't necessarily should make you inhuman. We are not the only one who has been through this, a lot of people did and healed so why are we harboring those memories when they hurt our present life.
You not doing the right thing because of your dark memories might make life terrible for someone else out there, or do you doubt that?
A person who chooses not to help ignores someone who is in need, has he made life good or worse for the person in need? Whatever ugly memory you have shouldn't reshape you for bad, it should only make you a better human in life.