Was it really true, that if we say a hurtful word when we we're mad, are actually what we truly feel? Or was it only because we are mad and carried away by our emotions?

Anyway the arguments that I had with my partner last Saturday was unintentionally and also I really didn't mean what I just said. I realize that I hurt him unintentionally when I saw his expression suddenly change. I really didn't mean it, I swear. I say sorry but it was done. I know somehow that maybe now he really think that I don't really love him. This is bothering me for day's, I can't deny it and I really regretted it.

__________________________________________

So last Saturday night we were watching a movie in our TV. We we're fine, but actually I'm still mad at him because of what he did last Thursday night. The cause why I was upset last Friday was because he lied to me, the thing that I really hates about and he knows how I hate liar's but he still didn't mind it and still choose to lie. Since we haven't talked about that issue, my anger remains and I haven't forgive him.

Anyway while watching, he then ask me if I can help him cut his nails on his feet as he says the ingrown was hurting him already. While watching the TV, the advertisement came, and it was about the comeback of most everyone's favourite love team here in our country.

Comeback as it's been awhile that they don't have any series on TV and now they finally have a project. Sooner or later we can watch them again together in one drama.

I actually idolise this couple. Their love team are very solid and their relationship was strong. They are not just a love team as they are also lovers outside the camera and their relationship was really good. I haven't heard any serious issues about their relationship, I mean getting involved with third party. And so I was really amazed and I found them as my inspiration and made me believe that there's forever, charot😅 .

As we all know, sometimes the celebrities relationship won't last specially those younger ones. They easily get separated and involved to a third party, but this couple is different.

While watching them in our TV screen, I suddenly felt excited as I am going to see them again. And I tell my partner that I really do idolise them as they're relationship was good and going strong. Then my partner say's..

.... don't you know that this guy was belong to the richest person here in our country?

...oh? Well I wouldn't be surprised as his father is already rich and also his mom, so it's not impossible. Besides he is also a famous actor, his also earning his own money. I said.

... exactly..both of them are actually rich. He said.

..yeah, and the girl is very lucky because his boyfriend love him so much. Actually since they are still a kid's, the boy has already crush on her and that is why their relationship has no issues. Some says if the boy was the one who's the greater love, third party has no space to the relationship. I said.

He suddenly look at me while smiling, and then he starts teasing me.

... I believe in that, he said. Because look at us. We've been together for long and we don't have any issue about third party. It was because I really love you so much, even though you don't love me. He said.

Honestly I suddenly felt irritated with him, specially with what he just said, and so I disagree.

...liar! You don't love me since then, so don't be so pathetic. I say it sarcastically.

He smiled and try to tease me again.

....If I don't love you, then why we're still together? Don't you see I'm being loyal to you? Even though you always hates me and you always mad at me, I always Choose you. It was because I love you.

I think he provoke my anger by the way he tease me and so I got more sarcastic to him. I suddenly remember how he lied to me last Thursday night and so I just sarcastically talked to him, trying to block all he that he wanted to say. Until I spilled out all my anger to him and even how disappointed I am to him.

After I say all my disappointments to him, he then asked me why I still go back to him when I went home to have my vacation way back 2020. As According to him, it was already my chance to leave him. I unintentionally told him, that I only come back was because I already knew I was pregnant and my child needs a father.

I think he was surprised and so he suddenly become speechless. He didn't say anything. His expression change and I saw that he's face becomes sad and it seems like he was hurt. I suddenly felt guilty, I unintentionally hurt him. I wanted to say sorry but I don't know how.

.....so if you weren't pregnant you really had a plan to broke up with me the? So you mean by all this year's, you just stayed with me because we have a child, and not because you love me?

I was speechless, honestly. The guilt is killing me. I don't know what to say. I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean anything about what I said, but I know he won't believe me. He was hurt. I hurt him😔🥺

...he then said.

....Okay, atleast now I know. Now I understand why you easily get irritated on me. Now I understand where those anger came from.

I wanted to disagree with him. I wanted to tell him that it wasn't like that, but I can't say any word. He don't know that I suffer from postpartum depression. Actually I let him know about that matter but he don't believe me that time and so I didn't forced him to believe me. I suffer from depression, as I got a hard time to adjust. I found motherhood so hard and so whenever I saw him I'm always mad. But he didn't try to understand me😔.

..he continued..

If you wanted to leave me, you can go anytime that you want. But please leave my son to me. I don't wanna be separated from him but I don't wanna force you to stay with me. I will set you free besides your not happy anymore, I don't wanna see you suffering. Then he turned his back from me.

I remained silent. I have no words to say, but I know I should say something. I was so sad and seeing him sad is breaking my heart. I love him, that's what I felt.

He lay down in our bed, he tried to divert his attention to his online game but I saw that he immediately stop playing. He was sad and silent.

I came near to him. I approached him and I said sorry. I tried to tell him that I really didn't meant those words as I was just mad.

He said he was fine. It's okay. Then he remained silent again.

I told him that I love him, I was just mad as he never tried to fix his mistake last Thursday. He knows that I am mad with what he did, but he didn't even say anything. Since then he was always like that.

He knows that I wasn't a nagger type of a person. He knew that I don't like arguments. I am just waiting for him to tell me that his sorry and he wouldn't do it again, but he's sometimes insensitive. I am just waiting for his explanation but he never do that. He would only say sorry if I am already crying by my disappointments.

Anyway we're fine now, we already talked about the misunderstanding and I already said sorry and he already accepted it.

Closing thoughts

Sometimes, we really can't avoid misunderstanding. I would admit that what I did was wrong. It was unintentionally. I have already learned some lessons and that I would try to change. But I know somehow that sometimes we really can't avoid this kind of misunderstanding. Sometimes it is hard to control our emotions specially if we were hurt. However it would always be better if you had a good communication whenever you had a misunderstanding.

Nonetheless you should also know how to say sorry and accept your mistakes. And you should also need to consider the feeling of your partner. Don't let ego ruin your relationship, and don't allow your anger control you. Don't be insensitive and be cautious with your actions and words as you might lose the person you love.

Don't do what your partner's hates, as it may also trigger to a misunderstanding.

As they said;

.. Don't say any promises when you're happy

... and don't make any decisions when you're mad and regret it later.

... thank you for reading.

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