A Productive Rainy Sunday
So, last night I was able to post something while I was tipsy. My boss and I got back from our place at 2:00 am. When. I got into my room I was not able to sleep yet, I sobered while we were on our way back.
I woke up at around 9:00 am this morning. I didn't feel any hangover which I am very thankful for because I had a stack of things to do. It was already planned that on Sunday I will start making questionnaires for the 3rd quarter exam. My roommate went home so I was just alone. I prepared for myself. I could say that I can freely move when I am alone haha.
After doing all the basics, I started typing on my laptop. I planned to go to church in the afternoon. Sadly, the rain was pouring so hard and I lost my umbrella. So, I decided to just stay and continue what I was doing. I barely had a good sleep but I am not feeling asleep not even a bit. I feel so productive that I was able to finish four subjects today. My lazy persona is quite proud of me.
I finished at around 5:30 pm. The rain outside was still gushing endlessly. I thought I cannot finish the subjects I planned to make first, but I feel so efficient working on a rainy day with Taylor Swift on my speakers. That probably was a booster combination.
I had an early dinner.
After that, I went back to my laptop and decided to make a PowerPoint Presentation for my Science Class in Grade 4. I just bullet that necessary information and added images so it would not be boring to talk about plants tomorrow.
When I finished accomplishing all the tasks I planned, I thought of rewarding myself. It's been a while since the last time I watched a movie, so as a prize for today's productivity, I agreed on watching a movie before going to bed.
I am in the mood to watch a RomCom. Well, it's really my number 1 choice of genre. I found a movie from my movie finder called I Want You Back, it's a 2022 Hollywood movie. The title got me actually haha. It made me more interested in it when the casts of the movies are familiar. I do not know their names but I've seen the faces of the three main casts from the movies I watched before.
I'll probably make another movie review about a movie because it's very nice. I also highlighted a few lines that somehow touched my heart as a young adult. Another movie that I can recommend in my must-watch list. I'd love to talk more about it here but I want it to be on a different entry because I probably don't have any topics tomorrow 🤣 I'll give a good movie review tomorrow, for sure those who are. A fan of rom-com would surely love the story.
That's all for today!
I hoped everybody had a beautiful Sunday ❤
Take Responsibility for your Actions
It's another rainy evening everyone!
Nevertheless, the rain cannot stop the birthday celebration of someone I didn't know. Yes, I attended a birthday party whose debutant I don't even know haha. I was dragged here by my boss because she doesn't have someone to accompany her to her friend's daughter who turned 18 today. I had nothing to do, so I just tag along.
Have you experienced being at a party wherein you know no one? I feel so out of place here haha. Well, anyway, the food served is delicious and there's so many to choose from. By the way, I did not take pictures because I'm too shy to take pictures when I'm just like a chaperone 😁
The party's all done at 8:30 and everybody's busy taking pictures and I'm still busy with all the food on the table. Then the best part came when the caterers put beers on the tables haha.
There are only three of us at the table, Miss K (my boss), Miss Che (miss K's friend), and me. We were just talking random things. Then this woman came to our table. She's a friend of Miss Che. She brought another two bottles of Beer Grande. I said to myself, I'm not gonna be drunk at someone else's party. So, I keep on passing my turn.
Then the woman talked about her daughter who got pregnant at 20 and left her newborn baby to her. As a mother, she was heartbroken because of the misfortune of her child. She had no choice but to take over the responsibility that her daughter left her.
Then it came to me, why do some young people rush on things without even thinking the consequences after doing such activity, then doesn't even take responsibility after if ever it resulted in something.
I wonder how could she possibly sleep peacefully at night when the baby she carried for 9 months was left like a kitten.
I feel pity for this woman in front of me. She only has her youngest son helping her in taking care of the baby. She doesn't have any idea where her daughter right now is. Right now, she's focusing on her son and her granddaughter.
Anyways it's a very long night and I'm a bit tipsy now.
I hope everybody had a wonderful Saturday ❤
Illicit Affairs and Clandestine Meetings
I had a very light schedule every Friday so I had the time to go downtown and go to the mall to buy some essentials and food because I'm almost out of stock of my needs. The roads were under construction which is why it's difficult to bum a ride. I walked going to the next intersection. I got frustrated because it took me 20 minutes or so before a tricycle took me to my destination. I was wondering the whole ride, why the other tricycles refuse to take me to Pure Gold. It's not actually that far. I could even walk if I want to but it was so hot.
As I succeeded into the mall, I went directly inside and grab a trolley cart with a basket in it. I just kept roaming around looking for the items on my list which was written on a very small paper. I was on the Female Essentials section when I bumped into someone very familiar to me. By the look in his eyes, I could guess he was shocked to see me too. That only means, he knows me even with my mask on. I quickly compose myself and just bowed my head a little as I push my trolley. I walked past right through him, and he just also bowed his head as a response and proceeded to do his thing. I looked back and it's a good thing he's busy reading the label of a lotion.
It's not really surprising to see someone you know, who just lives in the same province and same region you're in. What stunned me is that the guy was my high school classmate's father and he was with someone else. I know it's not good to talk about other people's private lives but as I was suspecting it, this would be the second time I saw him with another woman. The second time I saw him cheating on his family.
I was in my 3rd year in college at that time and I used to go home every weekend and go back every Sunday afternoon. I always take the bus that leaves at 3 pm. It happened that I went early at the bus terminal because I have an activity left unfinished in my boarding house. I entered the bus that leaves at 1:30 pm. I was shocked to see my high school classmate's dad sitting on a two-seater chair with a woman leaning on his shoulder while their hands are intertwined. I was too young to witness such a thing. I couldn't move I just stared at them until he saw me and recognized me. I remembered how quickly he dropped her hands. He stood and was about to approach me but a group of passengers came in so I was pushed to the front many seats away from them. I was so nervous and terrified the whole trip because I'm afraid of what he will do to me. We don't live that far and he is friends with my father who is a chapel president and he serves in the church every Sunday as a lay minister. It became an irony to me. A servant of the Lord committing adultery. I am fully aware of what I witnessed. Good thing, the bus was so full of passengers so I had an excuse not to look back and check on them. I arrived at my boarding house without him noticing because of the number of passengers who were students like me who live in the area. I can't take off my mind out of it. I can tell my classmate about it but I never did. I only told my mom and my sister about it and they just told me to let it pass. I don't want to be the reason for their family feud.
I just can't believe that years have passed already, I have totally forgotten about it, and just like the lapse of time, the same scenario of the same person appears in front of me? Because of that, I am feeling guilty, I was thinking, what if I told my classmate about her father cheating on her mom. Would I see him in this store with someone much younger than him?
I decided to be discreet about it. I don't want to meddle in other people's affairs, it's like I'm digging my own grave if I do such. I'll let Karma do its thing on him. I know he will be served for what he has done to their family.
Do you think I did the right thing?
If you were me? Would you do the same thing?
Please tell me your sentiments about this. I am nervous, confused, and guilty.
~Fyangzee
@Bloghound, thank you for your generosity but what I'm most thankful for, is that you never get out of my sponsor box, together with the others who stayed 🤧 You're such an amazing being ❤
Quote that "Line"
It's a very cold Thursday tonight. It's been raining nonstop since afternoon. Hopefully, hereafter the skies will turn back to blue and the sun will appear because I soaked my dirty clothes tonight with laundry soap so I could wash them early tomorrow and hung them to dry.
It was just a typical day. I had my class and I just give lessons and homework. I felt so light-headed earlier because I woke up again very early at 3 am and I was not able to go back to sleep. I browsed read.cash and read some articles expecting that anytime I'll doze off.
I was thinking the whole day about what to write for this day.
Then I remembered to share my favorite lines I got from the story "It Ends With Us" by Colleen Hoover.
The story was about a woman named Lily, who grew up in an abusive home. She witnessed how her mother was badly treated by her father but what she hated the most is that her mother couldn't leave her father. Then there's this boy, Atlas, from her school who was living in an empty house behind their house. She helped him with food, clothes and sometimes let him shower at their house when her parents are not around. He was also physically abused by his stepfather that's why he ran away. They somehow found comfort in each other because they both understand what is it like to be physically and emotionally hurt. They fell in love and soon enough her father knew that she was dating a homeless guy, her father beat Atlas to the pulp right before her eyes. Since then, they never see each other again, but she knew that Atlas was saved because her mother brought him to the hospital. Many years after, she moved on and lived her life the way she wanted and she met a gorgeous neurosurgeon, Ryle Kincaid. He was passionate about his work and loves Lily very much. But, he has anger issues that sometimes he can hurt Lily physically without him realizing. Atlas comes back to her life and when he knew that Ryle was someone like her father, he tries to get into their relationship to save Lily. But, Ryle was not like her father, he was someone who needs help psychologically. Lily was there. Lily's love tamed the beast inside him.
It was really a good story. I highlighted a few of my favorite lines from the story because it's very relatable.
"There is no such thing as bad people. We're all just people who sometimes do bad things."
Not all the time we are good to others. I believe we all possess undesirable attitudes that only get out when triggered. I will not deny that sometimes, I am hateful, snub, and insensitive. That is a part of me but I am trying my best to as much as possible to avoid such awful behavior.
“All humans make mistakes. What determines a person’s character aren’t the mistakes we make. It’s how we take those mistakes and turn them into lessons rather than excuses.”
Making mistakes are normal because none of us is perfect. We are inevitable in making mistakes. Once is enough to learn from your mistakes but doing the same mistake again for uncountable times is no longer reasonable.
“Just because someone hurts you doesn’t mean you can simply stop loving them. It’s not a person’s actions that hurt the most. It’s the love. If there was no love attached to the action, the pain would be a little easier to bear.”
This is exactly what I felt. I was greatly hurt by the words of my father, but it's not enough for me to hold grudges and hate him for making me feel worthless. Despite everything I still love him. This is why the pain is unbearable.
"Naked truths aren’t always pretty"
Sometimes the truth can hurt us. We always want everyone to be honest with us, but when the truth is something that can cause pain, I'd rather hear a lie. I was in denial, about what my family said, it was the truth I don't want to hear. The truth that I have been aware of for a long time but I kept on denying it. It's the ugliest truth I've ever heard.
"I feel like everyone fakes who they really are when deep down we’re all equal amounts of screwed up. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others.”
I'm someone who was best at hiding. My colleagues don't know what I've been going through right now. They tell me their stories about the downsides of their lives but I never told them mine. I only listen to them and comfort them if they needed. They always told me, how easy and light my life is but deep down, my life is as screwed and fckd up as theirs.
“I’ll keep pretending to swim when really all I’m doing is floating. Barely keeping my head above water.”
When at work, I act like nothing is going on with me. I am pliant like bamboo. I keep on going even though I feel the heaviness of the weight of my head with all of the negativity inside my mind. Even so, I'll keep on floating, I'll let waves decide where to take me.
“Sometimes even grown women need their mother’s comfort so we can just take a break from having to be strong all the time.”
I am independent in many ways, but, feeling down like this, I need my mother's caress. I remembered the night when my father said the naked truths to me, I only cried the whole night, and mom went inside my room and she cried with me too. She was caressing my back and telling me to stop crying. I felt bad when I said to her that I am not going home for some time because I needed space. I know for sure my mom doesn't like the idea of not seeing me for weeks or months, but, she knows it's better to let things calm down. I miss her so much. I wish she would call me by tomorrow.
That's all for now folks! I hope you all had a great day today 😊
Sadness almost got me
I am thankful to a few people I met on this platform, who uplift and console me by sending messages through the comment section on the entry I uploaded yesterday. It means a lot to me. The kind words sober my mind and my heart. I appreciate all of you, you know who you are.
Ever since the emotional damage happened to me, there's not a day that I became so peaceful. Just like the other days, at 3 a.m. I was awakened again by another skeptical dream. It was so real because I really felt it. The scene where the dream happened was so clear and very familiar. Except, for the people who are with me in my dream.
In my dream, the was a normal day for everyone else, but not for me. I found myself on the floor in the living room of our house, I was sitting there like a person waiting to disappear into this world. I saw myself unconsciously crying, trembling, and silently falling into pieces. It was a sunny day, the total opposite of the weather today, and everyone is busy. I kept on trying to remember and recognize the people I saw in my dream, but I cannot remember any of them, it seems like their faces were blurred. They move so fast too, but they're not making a sound. I couldn't hear anything except the loud voices in my head, indistinct voices, it's loud but it's unclear. I wanted to scream, but my mouth has its own pace. I felt my jaw become so stiff making me unable to open it. I felt my heartbeat racing so fast and I was panicking that I can't almost breathe. I wasn't alone, but no one seems to see me, no one could hear me, and everything is so blurry and it was moving really fast. I tried to stand but I felt a strong force dragging me down like it is gravity pushing me to the depths of hell. I thought that was the end of me. The moment I said in my mind, "Lord, please save me!" My eyes suddenly opened. I was literally catching my breath when I woke up. I looked at my roommate and good thing she was asleep. I thought I have awakened her. I checked the time, it was 3:15 a.m.
I was not able to go back to sleep after that, I was thinking about the dream I just had and I realized that it nearly killed me. Is it because of the current situation am in? Is it the way how devils got attracted to my existing state? It was so real. I really felt it. The pressure, force, the actions, I felt it all in my skin.
I realized I had just an episode of sleep paralysis. I could've died in my sleep if I was not able to open my eyes. I cried again silently, so my roommate will not be disturbed. I admit that I prayed silently to let God take back the life He reserved for me, but as I was struggling to move my limbs and fight for whatever is trying to hold my jaws, I thought of my family. I should not be selfish and give myself a chance. I am not ready yet to leave my family behind they might have hurt my feelings, but there must be reasons why it happened. Maybe I'm just too emotional and sensitive to misunderstood them. They could be just reminding me that I could still have a better life better than what I have right now. They probably saw me being too confident for the little and simple things I have when I can still make bigger than those.
I was given a chance to live again, I should not waste this. This is just another phase in my life. These all shall pass.
Thank you so much ❤
Dying while Living.
I've read some articles over the internet about people who commit suicide. Reports gave different reasons why those people executed themselves. Upon reading different stories and suicide notes, there's one thing I realized. People don't die from suicide, they die from sadness. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm close to it.
It’s hard to find happiness when you feel like you’ve failed, that you’re never going to get what you want. I thought I am contented with what I am right now, well, I was, not until, my very own family discouraged my confidence. They said words I don't expect to hear from them. Words that stabbed deeply my heart.
They said you need a man to break you so you become strong. Well, who needs someone if they can do it themselves. It was always my family who's been my inspiration for striving hard, but the same reason for my sadness and heartbreak.
I was at work earlier. I do what I usually do, face the children, give them lessons and teach, and give my best smile before leaving the class. I’m doing my best to stay positive because that’s what gets me through the day. But deep inside of me, I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like I'm a two-faced wench hiding what I really feel, my real expressions. I realize now that the person I used to be is not the person I am. I don't like to live anymore.
If it weren’t for the fact that the sun is so hot, the earth would probably be frozen solid. That’s what sadness does to you. It freezes your heart so that nothing feels good anymore. I am in a prison of my own cell. They said you can’t save people from their sadness. All you can do is share with them. Who can I turn to when the people I thought I can be with through the ends of this world, left me and broke my heart into bits of pieces.
I know what it’s like to feel sadness, it’s like a dark cloud above your head. The heaviness is unbearable and the voices you do not know where they come from keep on whispering indistinct words I do not understand that worsens the headache I feel. Life is tough. Life is hard. Sometimes life is so hard that you can barely breathe.
I am being compared to my beginning with someone else’s middle. I know I am left behind but I don't want to be reminded of it because I am doing my best to create my own timeline. It felt like I don't have much time left, with all the pressure in their words. I’ll be okay, but I can’t be happy right now. It was like I was conjuring up this sadness and it was just spilling out of me. There’s always a hole inside me. Sometimes it’s empty, sometimes it’s full.
Sadness is like surviving a war, but there’s no peace at the end. I feel so lonely and so melancholy. Abandoned and unappreciated, the worst things in life to feel but they gave me the whole privilege to feel it. I feel like I’m in the wrong place. I don't feel I belong to anyone. I don't have a home to stay. I feel so alone. It’s like the rest of the world is moving past me and I’m stuck in one place.
Can this all end in one night? At 3 am where everything is in silence, voices become so vivid and loud. My eyes are worn-out crying in discreet. My sadness becomes heavy on that witching hour. I am praying to heal and mend myself. I don't want to make my life go to waste because somehow I still see hope.
I want to apologize for having an entry like this. This is not for everybody to feel sorry and pity me, but I tried my best to put what I feel into words. I am really in a mess right now.
Thank you for reading without judgment. I'll get through this. Hopefully very soon. I'll stay active as I can be, just to get by. It helps me somehow.
🎭
She died.
There once was a little girl who had a big ambition, not for herself but her family. Their family belongs to the average family in the community. She's bright, talented, and very kind. That is the reason why she was loved by everybody. Many people would think that she has brighter future ahead.
She does well at school because she always wanted to make her parents proud. Every time she gets credited for academic excellence, happiness is painted in the eyes of her parents which became her favorite view. Surely her parents are the proudest.
A lot of people adored her. Despite having the gift of knowledge and wisdom, she never looks highly of herself. She was always humble and respectful. Other children of her age are being compared to her.
With such experiences, you can really tell that she could be a doctor or a lawyer someday. As they said, no one can predict the future, everything was just the wishful thinking of many people who witness a prodigy. The future was not kind to the girl. She did finish school but life after school is not a playground anymore.
Everybody was too confident to tell her that success is her destiny. But, she failed in many aspects. Luck was not on her side. Her proud parents became the most disappointed parents in the world. The expectation was too sharp that it stabbed so deep in the hearts of the people who rooted for her. She was a failure.
Now, she's being compared to people her age. How can they afford to have this or that, when she can not have even one? She works in a small company with a little salary. It doesn't satisfy the needs of her family that is why she always hears hurtful words that she didn't hear before from her father.
She was called "good-for-nothing" after striving her best. She was called "dumb and lazy" when she overworks herself and struggles every day.
She didn't know how the gods played her cards. Everything was so fine until life became so harsh to her. She's no longer the smartest girl in the world. Life's a competition, she met a lot of people who were better than her. But, she's doing her best even if she wins only the consolation.
Every day she's reminded by her father how failure she is. He compares her to others who have achieved their goals in life. She can't help but cry in silence. She wanted to go back to find the loophole of her life or probably she made a wrong turn and find out why she became so pitiful.
She was unappreciated, mistreated by her own family, misunderstood, and underestimated. She doesn't deserve any of these. Now her heart is filled with hatred, sadness and uncertainty. She chased down all the demons she hears in her head, telling her to go somewhere where everything ends.
May she rest in peace.
The world is a scary place, when you're not enough you're being tormented and judged by so many people who didn't even know your struggles. Words can be sharper than a knife. Be careful of the words you say to others, you might kill them emotionally. If you're to choose between being perfect and being kind, choose to be kind always. People are fighting silent battles and they are struggling to survive.
Someday...
One day you'll regret pushing away the girl who loved you too much.
Someday you will regret pushing away the girl who waited for you.
You will no longer see her the first time you wake up in bed next to you, just then you will know that you have lost the best thing in your life.
She is someone who loves you genuinely and who unconditionally gives her all to make you happy yet why do you keep on pushing her away as soon as she gets closer? She has been battling alone for this love with all the courage she has in her and it is slowly falling.
She is almost exhausted because the efforts she puts into the relationship drain her, and it is all for nothing, she's gaining nothing because you aren’t ready to lift a finger for her. Why can't you be real and see what's her worth?
Her warmth and tenderness tried to sway you to love her the same but no matter how hard she has tried to warm your cold heart, you have kept shoving her away like it is reasonable for her. Why?
Maybe you are right, maybe she should give up on you. So much time and energy are wasted, and why? Just because you are too sightless to see what a precious thing you have.
She has waited for you to finally see it, to take care of her like she takes care of you but most importantly, to love her the way she loves you, with all her heart.
She has waited for you to recognize what you want out of your life, out of your relationship with her but she has been waiting for nothing.
She has grown tired of waiting for you to make up your mind. People get tired when they keep investing in something that will never be worth it. She is tired of constantly begging for crumbs of your love and scrutiny. You have never admired her the way she deserves to be appreciated. You have taken her for granted and you think that she will wait for you forever. After all, doesn’t she love you enough?
She loves you more than you love her, and you know it. Contrarily, you wouldn’t have made her wait for something she is never going to get – your love.
You have to concede that she has given you more chances than you deserve. She has waited for you to fix your life, chase after your career goals, and consider your choices but now time is running out. She isn’t going to wait forever, and it’s bad enough that you expect her to. She has given you all these chances because she assumed that you would choose her in the end. All she wants is for you to realize that what you have been looking for was waiting for you to notice it the whole time. She has wanted you to notice her and realize that you’re going to regret losing her. But you haven’t.
You have never made an effort to change, and you keep binding her along like she is your puppet. Well, you’ll realize that you made a mistake soon enough.
She might have given you a thousand chances, but one day she’ll give you the final chance you have and you are going to mess it up because you’ll keep taking her for granted. It’s like you’re not conscious that she hasn’t given you all those chances just because she is naive or stupid; she has given you all those chances because she loves you and believes that you love her sufficiently to improve. Still, you remain to prove her wrong.
She is going to realize it soon enough, and you are going to lose her because of it. When she eventually concludes that enough is enough, you won’t be able to get her back. She won’t let you crush her heart again.
One day, you’ll have your last opportunity, and be certain that it will truly be the last one. She is tired of waiting, and when she’s done, you’ll understand it. After all, she will see that you will never adore her the way she deserves to be loved, and she won’t be ready to negotiate anymore.
She is going to realize that you haven’t really had the right to all of those chances, that you don’t really deserve her love or effort. Once that satisfies clear to her, she is going to step right out that door, and she won’t let you interrupt her. You have never put up with responsibility for your demeanor, and she will not take that anymore.
After you realize you have screwed up it, you’ll abruptly want to change but it will be too late. She won’t want that life of pain and drama to come back once she chooses she’s done with it. You know that she has loved you with all your shortcomings and damages, and you’re never going to find someone like that again.
You will see that you can’t retain someone like that waiting forever. Are you really worth the wait? Well, you have never established it. All she really has is her love for you to make her believe that you’d come around. But you haven’t. You will soon regret pushing away the girl who waited for you to love her.
She doesn’t deserve for you to push her away, just like she doesn’t deserve for you to keep her waiting.
No matter how much she loves you and believes you, one day, she’ll have had enough. She’ll have had enough of all that ruined time and effort she put into this relationship while you have kept undermining it.
You have never acknowledged the fact that she is there for you when no one else was, and you perhaps never will. That is definitely why you are going to lose the woman who loves you more than she loves herself.
Why else would she have lived putting up with your crap for all this moment? Only a woman who completely loves a man will undergo all of that for nothing but she is only a human being, and one day she’ll have had enough. She won’t want to wait another second.
If you really love her, this is your chance to finally clarify that. If you don’t commit to that, you’ll come around one day, and she won’t be in bed next to you.
That is when you’re going to learn that you have lost the best thing you always had in life. You’ll regret losing her, but it will be excessively late.
Friday Flyday ❤
My Embarrassing Moment Story
There was this funny experience and embarrassing moment of my life that until now whenever it suddenly crosses my mind, I still cringe thinking about it.
My parents are both from Mindanao originally. My father was born and raised in Prosperidad, Agusan del Sur, while my mother is from Butuan City, Agusan del Norte. How did they meet? It's another story to tell. Well, my parents had a very romantic love story, which makes it one of my favorite love stories. So, it happened that my grandparents (father's side) bought lands and farm animals in Southern Leyte, we were still in Manila at that time when they called my parents and pleaded to stay in Southern Leyte to look after their properties. Both of my parents are from big families. No one from his siblings wants to stay in the Visayas because they have settled already. My father who was working as an engineer in telecommunication before left his fortune and followed his parents. I don't know why my father dropped his office attire and chose to work on the farm. Well, wherever he goes, we go as well. That makes us the only member of the family that is on the island of Visayas.
It happened that my grandfather (my grandmother's brother) died out of old age, which is just from the same town we're living in here in Southern Leyte. Relatives from Mindanao came to pay a visit and join the prayer vigil. I was a college student at that time and only goes home every weekend.
I am excited to meet my relatives that's why I traveled so early on a Saturday. The moment I arrived, I went directly to Lolo's house. There were so many of them that I got so dizzy memorizing all their names and faces.
I remembered I went home after meeting my relatives when I noticed someone was sleeping on our couch. He was so cute, his skin was so toned and that time I really said, this guy was literally my type. I saw my brother preparing food in the kitchen, I just thought my brother brought home a friend.
I was able to attend only the last vigil because I was a student at that time. I saw the guy with my brother. I kept on glancing at that guy. I can't keep my eyes away from him, I don't know. After the novena, I and my cousins played card games and other games and the consequence of losing is to drink gin. We were enjoying it when my brother and this guy joined the group. I felt so thrilled having him next to me. I could feel static electricity when our elbows meet haha. Of course, I took advantage of the occasion and made myself comfortable with him. I played jokes, ordered him around when he choose dares. I admit I'm a bit drunk, all of us are. I can't forget the way I whispered to his ears and said, "I like you" He just smiled at me. That was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my whole life! I was not able to sleep that night because my mind was so crashed thinking about what does that smile means? That sobered me by the way.
It was Sunday and everybody was busy with the internment of my grandfather. I helped too in the kitchen. I was shocked to see him in my uncle's room getting money from my aunt's wallet. I was so stupid to think that he was stealing. I asked him what was he doing and he answered me, "my mom told me to buy vinegar." I was like, stupified. I just realized this guy, the guy I told I liked him was my freaking cousin. I was stammering and cannot say a word when he said, "I like you but we're cousins, nice to meet you by the way" and he smiled again. So, that's what that smile meant. I was thinking of burying myself with my grandfather. That was so embarrassing. Until now, he keeps on pestering me with that. What's worst is that my cousins know my stupidity too? I just alibis them that I was drunk and unconscious.
Since then, I avoid getting together with my cousins. I don't know if my uncles and aunts know about it. Good thing my brother didn't because if he knows, for sure he'll make a tabloid just to embarrass me more. That's the role of brothers to pester the lives of their sisters.
I was able to reminisce because I saw their picture on Facebook posted by my aunt. By the way, my cousin whom I got a crush on was happily married now.
Thank you for reading my embarrassing story :)
#AskMe pt.3
Hello everyone! It's a memorable day today 2-22-22. They said today's a lucky date. I've waited for something good or someone to confess their feelings towards me on this day, but there was nothing haha. Anyways, I finished the last part of the #AskMe Questions.
15. When was your First Love?
I met my first love when I was in 3rd grade. We became officially lovers in 2019 and ended in the same year. My first love might not be the greatest story to tell but it's still my favorite memory.
16. Text or Call.
I prefer Texting most of the time. But it depends on the person. I'll go for a voice call if that someone is a friend or someone special. I don't usually take calls coming from acquaintances because I easily get awkward, I'm scared to get off topic while we're in a conversation. That would be so embarrassing.
17. Can you be friends with your Ex
I am friends with the other exes I had except the first one. I don't know but I am not comfortable being his friend. We are not friends but we are not also enemies. Just like acquaintances with some memories. I remembered I attended one of our classmate's birthday, I did not expect that he would be there too, that's why I was confident to show up. We were at the same table but neither of us are taking glances at each other. That time, he was already in a relationship, while I was still in the process of moving on. I still have feelings toward him but I can't do anything about it anymore. Maybe when the time comes, if there'll be another chance, I'm more than fine to face him and be friends with someone I once fell in loved with.
**18. Your most Toxic Relationship**
I think I never had one yet since all of the relationships I had are for short-time only. Probably, because I'm the toxic one because after that major heartbreak with my first love, I was never able to keep a relationship anymore haha.
19. What flavor is your love?
For me, it's like the taste of dark chocolate, bittery sweet. Who doesn't like dark chocolates, right?
20. What is Love?
Love is a universal feeling. It is the root of all emotions. Love for me is like loving someone without expecting anything in return. Just like the love I let from my parents, I've never been the best daughter but still, I felt the unconditional love only from them. Love is when you're in the darkest moment of your life and your best friend never leaves your side. Love is when someone hugs your imperfections and accepts the person you are. And love is when you have belly fats, thick thighs, discoloration of the skin, but you accept your flaws and hug them as they mark the uniqueness of the beauty you have. Love is found in many things.
**21. Do you believe in love at first sight?**
I never felt such but I get attracted easily to someone with beautiful eyes and a smile. I've seen in the movies that love happens at first sight. But, I think, it's all about attraction at first because, for me, love comes along, when you truly know everything about the person. But, I wanna feel it. Like how magical the feeling is just like in the movies.
22. Names you call your BF/GF.
I remembered nothing haha. It's just a first-name basis. I want to be called and call someone Love, Honey, or Sweetie someday haha. I wonder how sweet it is to the ears.
God bless everyone! ❤
Thank you so much 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
To my First Love...
To my first love, Ace,
Before you start reading the whole body of this letter I want you to know that I've finally found happiness in someone else. He's everything to me now. He's the sun of my the cloudy weather when you left me. I am happy as he is making me worthy of all the pains that I've been through.
I don't know why there's this sudden urge and here I am again, writing for you. Because I have to confess that the ending of our story still makes me sad, however, knowing that you're doing better fills my heart with joy. I am happy with the person you've become right now. You look so much better now, closer to the kind of person I was so certain you'd become. I remembered how I pictured you in my mind, it was almost the same except that I am no longer a part of it. You know very well how I have always been supportive of you, even if I am no longer the girl who got your back as you accomplish every dream you'd told me about. Because now, I am someone else's lover, someone else's support, and someone else's companion. And so are you. I am happy, I promise that there's nothing more like the happiness and joy I've felt by your side, even if you're the same person who broke my heart when I first try to fall in love. It was indeed, I say, a roller coaster ride with you. The ups and downs I cannot count, but the ride with you is unforgettable.
It was May when we fell apart, and it took me practically a year to encourage myself that love still exists, for sure, but no longer in this indistinguishable spot. Ever since, for all I know, I thought our love will be the only love that my heart will be able to recognize. Because for a long time, even after it terminated, I still waited in the same spot where you left me. It's because I didn't yearn to be cared for good by other men who swear to love me, I just wanted to be loved by no one but you. Just you. No one else matters. And the reason why I couldn't acknowledge it when you said that I deserve and should look for someone better was that I was waiting for you to understand that I was worth becoming the best. I was waiting for you to pull your shit together and love me exactly how love feels like. But that never occurred. I waited but I got tired. And so I decided to move along with my life without you by my side.
Now, I am in a better place. I am drenched with love that is constant and kind, a love that brings no troubles, and a love that's so secured I don't need to worry if it'll stay. You see, he is the kind of man you couldn't become — for me. Or maybe you were just signified to be the best for her. And I was just meant to prepare or teach you how to love better. You look so much happier and satisfied with her, and she seems to be in perfect ecstasy around you. Is it because she's not as weak and soft as I used to be or because you deal with her exactly how I once pleaded you to treat me? Because now, she's the love of your life while I am the love that didn't last.
That shouldn't hurt. This shouldn't hurt. I had moved on the past, right?
Now, I feel so bad. I should not be thinking of what if's when I am happy with the one I'm with now. What if, I waited longer? What if, I plead more? We could've been walking right past the other lovers in this park, hands tightly closed together, running and playing under the rain. We could've been the ideal people in the love of the young lovers.
The what ifs and could've been's are flooding in my mind all so suddenly. I was not able to prepare myself to see you. Is it? Or I was pained to see your smile that is different when you still had me. I said to myself it would be fine with me if you will find another love but not like the same love that we had. I want you to be happy but not happier.
I told you, I already belong to someone who values me but I don't think I deserve that kind of love when I still have you in my system. I will not beg for your love anymore. I am writing you this, so at least, you will know how I really felt even after all these years. But, I am not going back to you. I am still affected, yes, but I will stay in the arms of the person who's filling the emptiness I felt. Maybe, for now, I'm still hurting like this, but this actually helps now that I see you. Someday when we will meet again, I will no longer have these words, but instead, I can finally say, "I once loved that person," with a smile on my face and no pain in my heart. I can't wait for that day to come.
Always,
Fyangzee
Movies on a Sunday 😍
How's your weekend everyone? Yesterday night I had a good time with friends and when I say a good time, we had food, karaoke, and drinks. Tequila got me last night that's why I was not able to make an entry. But I did not pass out, I just felt tipsy which means that I was having a good time. So, I went back to my boarding house around midnight and I slept as soon as I reach my bed haha.
I woke up late today. Feeling the hangover, so I made a soup for myself to somehow ease my headache. I decided to watch the movies I found on Netflix last Friday. My kind of genre when it comes to movies is random except action but I am more into love stories or romantic movies.
Upon writing this, I actually just finished the fourth and the last movie of the day. Basically, I did nothing today but live a couch potato life all day. I even skip church today (I feel so bad 😔)
Anyways, here are the movies I watched and I would love to share them all with you. (Just a movie review not a spoiler hehehe)
Love Hard
Dating apps are specially made for people who want to connect to other people from other places, make friends, and who knows, might meet the one. The most recent dating app I logged in to was Tinder. This movie somehow is relatable. After all, I use Tinder trying my luck to find Mr. Right because I am feeling so hopelessly romantic haha. I'm being straightforward about it because the main purpose of dating apps is to find someone. This movie says that love doesn't need to be perfect, it should be honest. We cannot guarantee we met online are real. Some are just looking for hookups and using other people's photos which is illegal. Only a few have the same intention as you are why you use such applications. Lack of confidence makes us do things that we think can help us but in reality, can hurt others. No one is perfect. Self-love is a necessity when you plan to love a person. Because you cannot love someone honestly if you cannot accept who and what you are. And I also believe that if someone truly loves you, he will love the person you are, with all of your flaws and imperfections. I give this movie 100/10 as it made me believe that love is not blind at all, it sees but it doesn't mind.
Mixtape
We often listen to music that relates to what we feel. We listen to music when we are sad, happy, and in love. This movie is not a love story. It's about a little girl who looks for clues about the mixtape her parents left her when they died. A mixtape is a compilation of songs recorded on a tape, CD, or vinyl. What I learned from this movie is that do not be too busy looking at what is lacking in you, because you will end up missing the ones that are added to your life. You may lose a family but you will gain friendship and love from other people if you will not shut your world to everyone. It's 1000/10 it reminds me of my friends who stayed with me thru thick and thin.
Sky is Everywhere
Do you believe in signs? Because I do. This movie is about grief and how the signs helped the main character overcome her grief when her sister died. When someone dies very dear to our heart, somehow a part of us dies as well. Grief is the feeling we will go through when we can't be able to see them every day. But, it doesn't mean that you have to end your life and shut the world before you. What would your loved ones think when they saw you depressed and lonely because of them, for sure they will not be happy. I learned in this movie that it's okay to feel the pain of being lost and left behind but not enough to let it eat you away. There are still people that love you. 1000000/10 very satisfied with the ending and it made it clear that signs are everywhere you just have to understand it.
The In-between
There's this question that is still unanswered, where do people go when they die? Is there really heaven and hell? We were told since we were young to do good things so we could all go to heaven when our time comes and to avoid doing evil so our souls will not suffer from hell. But, what if your body is still fighting for life but on the verge of death? What lies between life and death? This movie is a message to all the people who will watch this, "Love as you can with no regrets and no doubts." While we still have all the time, we should say and express our love to our dear ones, so we will not live in regret when we have untold feelings and words to others and so as they can travel accordingly to the place they're supposed to go. 100000000/10 it's still a happy ending after all because the girl was able to say "I love you" before her boyfriend died. This made my eyes so puffy from crying.
I hope I was able to give you hints on what to binge-watch next weekend :) Happy Sunday everyone!
#AskMe pt.2
It's a joyous Friday! I got so busy today preparing all the things for tomorrow's event which is IPTC or card day. We will be meeting the learners' parents and discussing school stuff. I think I drained my energy today because as soon as I get off from work, I literally shut down and my back couldn't be separated from my bed. I just washed up and probably skip dinner tonight. I'm too tired to make dinner. Well, anyway, as I promised here's the continuation of my yesterday's #AskMe entry. (Just an excuse because I can't think of anything to write about 😁)
8. What color is Love?
For me the color of love is gold. Love should be real and valuable. It should weigh more than anything else in this world. Gold is expensive and I think that's how we should all see about love. That love is not just any petty or a simple thing. We see different colors of love, it's just how I see it.
9. Song to listen to when you're in love
The last time I was in love with a person, the song I kept on listening to was, "I knew I love you" by. It's giving me the feeling of a whole zoo of butterflies in my stomach. When I listen to it, it gives more thrill to the emotions I'm developing towards another person and it's a beautiful kind of feeling. I sleep with a smile on my face while listening to it until I doze off.
10. Your childhood love story
I met my first love when I was in grade 3. Until now, even though our story didn't go well, I still remembered it as the golden moments of my life. That was when our school held a Nativity presentation for the Christmas program. I was chosen to be the Mary and he was Joseph, we were like cats and dogs because he always pick on me. Just like in the movies, I fell for him. He became my biggest crush. Until high school we were still classmates, he courted me, but circumstances that tell me not to respond that's why we graduated high school ignoring each other. Until we became college students from different schools, to make the story short, we became lovers as we graduated both in college. I hope the story between us ends well, but it stopped right after 26 days of being official. It's still the best for me.
11. Ideal place for a date.
I have always dreamed of having a beach date. I love the breeze that comes from the ocean, the sandy shore on my feet while holding hands with the person I love. I think it's so romantic while watching the sunset together.
12. Older or Younger?
I prefer older men. Most of them are already experienced and mature enough to deal with petty fights. I know that I could be childish anytime, so what I really need is an older man, who could be a big brother and a lover to me. I was never attracted to younger guys probably because I want them to treat me as their "ate."
13. An unforgettable Love
I think it's still my first love. How could I forget about it when I loved him for 11 years and was only given a chance for 26 days only. I was so young to think that he was the one for me that's why I was so heartbroken that I thought love was cruel for me. I was just being dramatic that time. Until now, I still remember it as the most beautiful and painful I've ever experienced.
14. How did you spend Valentine's Day?
Well, it was Monday, so it was just like the other days. I went to my class, but it was joyful at the end because we were able to surprise our boss which made her so happy, and that satisfied us all.
I'll continue the rest tomorrow, as I am pulled towards my bed already. I hope all of you are having a nice Friday evening ☺
Thank you 😘
#AskMe
How are you dear read stars? Do you still have the chocolates you received on Valentines' Day? As for me, I received nothing but I enjoyed eating chocolates, perks of having an in a relationship colleague. I was inactive because I got busy computing grades since the 2nd quarter just ended. Yes! 2 quarters more to go and it's vacation time 😁 So, I have nothing to write about, my mind is so worked up. I haven't had enough sleep for two days. Anyways, I'm back now.
I found this #AskMe Challenge on Facebook shared by one of my friends online. I find it interesting to answer, so here it goes...
1. What's your Type?
It didn't specify what it means but I am assuming that it is about a person. My ideal type of person is that he is warm, caring, intelligent, and funny. I have a vivid distinction of my type of guy. In character-wise, Choi Ung of Our Beloved Summer is my type. He's a bearer of all green flags in the world, not to mention that he is so cute. Intelligence-wise, RM of BTS is my ideal type, he is so genius and very clever. I like that he is more than a handsome face and gorgeous body but also have a sexy brain. I know I'm being too ambitious for setting my standards so high but, I don't want to settle for less. I know my worth more than anyone else in this world, char.
2. Review your Bf/Gf
I'm gonna pass on this one. I don't have a Bf or a Gf to write about 😊
3. Flirt or Be Flirted?
I'd rather flirt on my own than be flirted. Based on my experiences, I have been flirted so many times, it gave me a lot of false hopes and I end up seeing myself in a more-than-friends-less-than-lovers situation. I'd rather be the one to give the signs at least I know that I am flirting for real not just for play because I've been there and I absolutely know the feeling when your developed feelings were unreciprocated.
4. Chocolates or Flowers?
I always choose chocolates over flowers. If a person gives one to me, I'll treasure them because chocolates are my only addiction. Flowers are good but I am really not like the other girls who are so preppy and love girly things. Food is enough to make me happy. And aside from that, I have a wide garden of flowers in my parents' house so there's no need for me to have flowers. I have it already haha.
5. Do you like surprises?
Who doesn't right? Of course, I do. But only those surprises that can make the heart happy not those that are painful. In most cases, heartbreaks are often surprises and I will never wish for that kind of surprise.
6. The one you love or loves you?
The one I love. I think it's better that I'm the only one who suffers chasing after the man I love than to see someone suffer because of me for the reason that they love me and I can't reciprocate the feeling. They said love can be learned and taught but in my case, it's not like that. I tried but many times that I've been hurt, I am hurt also a few people whom I thought I will learn to love. I know the feeling when you're led by someone who will only give you false hopes that's why I am transparent towards feelings to other people because I don't want them to mislead and misinterpret my emotions and actions as well.
7. Your current ❤ status.
Single, cared and loved. I am free and happy. And my heart is so full with 99+ others Oppa, there's no room to cry a river for not having someone.
This is all for now folks, I will continue answering the remaining questions in my next blog :)
Thank you 😘
Every day is Valentine's Day!
Happy Valentines' Day, Everyone!
How was your day today? I know every day is special but today is extra special because love is in the air.
Just so early in the morning, as I was on my way to work, I've seen some people bringing assorted stuff for today's event like a bouquet of red roses, heart-shaped balloons, chocolates, etc. I just feel extra single on this special day haha. But, I am not bitter because I like what I saw. I saw how happy those people were in love. For sure, their partners would be so grateful to receive such gifts.
Nothing special really happened this day. It's just a normal day like any other day. I received a few greetings coming from friends, colleagues and some are from the parents of my pupils. In exchange, I greeted them back, that's how it goes right? Anyways, my colleagues and I have planned something for our school administrator. We planned this a week ago, to somehow, reciprocate her good treatment towards us.
When our school administrator died due to a fatal sickness, her eldest daughter, replaced her position. At first, we were greatly intimidated by her because of her strong personality. My first impression about her is that she is strict as her mom. But, we were all wrong. She is the nicest person I've ever met. Her mom greatly influenced my personality but she boosted my confidence. She's not just a boss towards us but also a good mentor, an advisor, and a good friend.
We knew her for more than 2 years already. She imparted a lot of her experiences that made us learn lessons. She told us her stories that nobody else knew. She is so selfless, generous, and understanding. So today, as for someone who generously offers everything she has, deserves to be surprised on Valentine's Day. She deserves all the love in the world because of her big, big heart.
I was the one who contacted someone to deliver us the flowers and balloons which were already settled just a week ago. In the afternoon, I had a 1-hour break before my last class, so I used the time to go to the mall and buy wine and chocolates for her. It wasn't that grandeur but knowing her she loves surprises and simple things. All of us contributed to the expenses fairly.
When I got back she was not in the office. It was 2:00 already so I held my class first and let my colleagues who are already free set up our surprise. The bouquet and the balloons were scheduled to deliver at 3 pm. Just as I finished my last class, the delivery came. She's still not around that time. We took advantage of her being out by arranging the stuff on top of her bed.
And yes, our mission succeeded, she was surprised and said that she was so happy and she appreciated our efforts. We, on the other hand, feel so satisfied watching her so happy.
Then, I realized, I feel satisfied with everything. I love what I am doing and I am very much appreciative of all the people around me. Today is just like the other days. Extraordinary and Special. I could say that every day is valentines day. It's not all about receiving gifts, having someone, but it's all about loving whatever you do and feeling the satisfaction when you do it.
I am just as happy as those who have received gifts and those who are in a relationship. Every day for me is a heart's day. Happy Valentine's Day ❤
Thoughts when I'm drunk
I am telling you honestly that while writing this entry I am under the influence of vodka and tequila. Hard drinks for cold weather. As of the moment, I'm feeling the world spinning around me, so I should behave and stop moving, or else I will stumble down. Even so, I can still think of things that randomly just pop out of my mind. Things that don't normally come to my head when I'm in a good state.
I was never an alcoholic drinker before, but when I met people who enjoy drinking, I was somehow influenced by them. At first, I don't like the taste but somehow, I get used to the bitter taste of the liquor. What are you thinking when you're under the influence of liquor despite the dizziness you're feeling while you're under it?
Why am I single?
This question always randomly appears while I'm having a few shots. I have this feeling like I don't like to be in a relationship but at the same time, I want to belong in someone else's arms. I want to know how it exactly feels when you are loved, flexed, and taken care of by someone you love. There are times when I think like, I am not that ugly, but why does no one is taking me like anybody else? I'm not that bad too. I admit I've got an attitude but it always depends on how everybody treats me. So why am I single?
What if he stayed in my life?
I shared already this with everyone. How badly I'm in love with my first love. He's the only person I trusted with my whole life and end up destructing my trust in everyone else. If someone would ask me, if there's someone I would like to have back in my life, it's him. I'm that marupok. Just seeing him with his new girlfriend breaks my heart into pieces. It's been 3 years since he left me and ended our story that we started since elementary. So, what if he stayed in my life? Probably, I'm the happiest and most grateful for having him in my life.
What if I'm rich?
Another random question that pops into my mind. If I'm rich, I don't have to work. I don't think I have to spend time working my ass out just to wait for every 15 days to receive my salary. I don't have to wake up early and prepare myself to work. Sometimes, I feel the world is so unfair. It is unfair in the sense that I have to work hard on my own to get the things I need and want and most of the time I work for the needs of my family. Sometimes I blame my father. He was an Engineer but because he did not renew his license, probably we will not live as hard as this. Anyways, I'm still thankful.
How to be in love again?
So tell me, after being broken for years, how were you able to open your hearts again? How did you find being so fine and in love with the person you're with right now, when you've been broken and down. I want to know because in times like this, I want to tell someone, how drunk am I and still in love. I miss the feeling. That erratic and irrevocable feeling. I miss it so much, the excitement and the thrill. I wonder who's gonna make me feel like it and when will it be.
These are just the common questions that come to my mind dramatically when I am drunk. As of now, I can't think of anything else I think I have taken in much liquor than my usual intake because I already feel my heartbeat in my head haha. But they said, that it only means you're having a good time and yes, I'm definitely having a good time :)
Thank you ❤
The Valentine Letter 💌
Dearest,
Sometimes in life, there are losses. Losses that can never really be replaced. Losing you has been the hardest thing I've ever had to live with. I wasn't ready to say goodbye.
In the still and deserted spaces and eternities of my nights, that's where I seem to find you. In this four-walled space we shared for years, it became unfamiliar to me so suddenly. When I'm staring into nothing but my blank, brown ceiling. When I shut out the world. That's where you are.
You're as empty as these moments. Nothing and everything all at the same time. You are as silent. Peaceful yet deafening. You are solitude. Lonely yet
comforting. I'm thinking of you tonight. Thinking of where your consciousness has been all these days after your death. Did it continue to exist and grow? Did it just freeze in time? Did it just vanish together with your physical body?
I wonder also if there's a parallel universe somewhere where a version of you didn't die and if that you was with a version of me still. I wonder what they would be doing. I wonder if they'd be happy or if they'd succeeded in our supposed plans and goals in life. I wonder if there was another universe where it was I who died. I wonder how you would have handled that.
I also want to share with you that a part of me is envious of you. It's a new emotion in this grief journey. I'm jealous of the clarity and finality of your experience. It's as clear as black and white. Life or death. Here or nowhere. No in-betweens.
I'm still alive. But a lot of me is, honestly, as dead as you. But the parts of me that are still alive are, surprisingly, finding their way to stay that way. Still! No idea how or why. Maybe that's the beauty of the human spirit. Or maybe that's just the natural instinct of organisms. Stay alive. As much as possible. The why and how I have no answer to. All I know is, tonight, I'm thinking of you. Tonight I'm with you, somewhere between here and nowhere.
I miss you.
When you died a part of me also died with you. I am not the same person anymore and the people around me need to accept that this life-changing event has altered my soul forever and if only God allows, I will follow you as I'm slowly losing my will to live. Watching you die twice in front of my very eyes as we tried to revive you is an image I will never forget. It's the memory that always pops up every time I close my eyes. I remember everything. It's so difficult to pretend that I am not affected at all.
I wasn't ready to let you leave. I would give anything for just one more day, just one more second. But I've learned to trust in unconditional love. Because the one profound thing about death is that love never dies.
Some bonds cannot be broken. Because even though you're not physically here, your heart is - it lives on within me. I carry your heart inside mine.
I carry it on days when I discover something new.
I carry it on days when beauty unfolds in the most unexpected places.
I carry it on days when I find the courage to heal and to grow. I carry it with me - always.
Someday we will meet again and we will no longer be separated by time or space. But until that day, I'll find comfort in knowing that you are still with me. Your heart is safely tucked inside mine. Some hearts just belong together and nothing will ever change that.
Maybe one day; we'll meet again and explain to each other what really happened.
Maybe one day we'll finally understand.
Until then, I hope you lived your best life and I hope you really did all the things you always wanted to do.
I loved you then.
I love you now. Always did. Always will.
Forever in my mind. Forever in my heart.
Forever and Always,
The One You Left Behind
Lead image from Unsplash.
Thank you ❤
Living with my Red Flags 🚩🚩
First of all, I am writing this because I am fully aware that I am not perfect and no one else is and I believe in self-reflection and introspection. Even with our imperfections, as humans, we naturally want to be good to ourselves and others. The pretense “well we’re only human,” is already overrated and too cliché, at times we say that to cover up our flaws. Although I’ve gone through my fair share of trauma and heartbreak, I’ve also been labeled as the following: manipulative, negative, toxic, self-centered. While I do know that not all of it is based on truth, it helps to eventually notice the red flags in my personality and character. It's really important to be aware of it because I still truly believe that I can still be better for myself and everyone else.
So here are some of the red flags that I consciously notice in myself:
**I have a lot of insecurities.** Being insecure is one of the worst things to have. I don't like going out because I would just see pretty girls that are far-off better than me. That really lowers my self-confidence.
I hate how they look perfect effortlessly. In my case, even if it takes forever, I doubt if I could be on the same level as them. That's how worst I am.
Another one is that **I have trust issues.** And because of that I fall into a push/pull dynamic when I start to get close to people — I become sensitive for threat cues that I will just be ghosted and will be left hanging by a cliff and have strong urges to run away even at the slightest sign of indifference or incompatibility because I always think ahead that it won't work out. I learned to relate to people in their experiences and also with my traumatic experiences.
**I am overly sensitive!** Even with a thumbs-up reply, I feel like the person is not interested in me. For example, I called my friend thrice this morning but she didn't pick up. I concluded that she is mad at me. I shared it with our other friend with overly dramatic expressions, and then she told her what I was ranting about. Only to find out that she was still asleep. I over-reacted for nothing. I'm such a drama queen!
**I have a hard time accepting praise.** I'm incredibly self-deprecating. I posted a selfie on Instagram and a friend left a comment that says that I was cute. What I thought is, he's just lying about it because I haven't heard someone may it be a friend or a family call me cute or attractive for years. I just thought he's just being nice in a way that he has to lie which is very insulting for me. I don't see myself as worthy of affection but I ant it somehow. Yes. I.am.that.crazy.
The major red flag I have is that **I don't address the problem.** If someone hits a nerve on my heart, I am not someone who will go for confrontation. There will be no words that will be heard from me. I would just become cold and distant right away. Because of this toxicity, people often wonder what's wrong with my silence. It's brutally cruel I know but that's me. So if you hurt me so badly, for example, don't expect even a single word from me. I'll momentarily turn my back and forget the connection we had. That's how awful I am.
I am still trying to eradicate somehow some of my red flags because I am fully aware that it is not decent. I want to improve myself too. I am starting by acknowledging my red flags and hopefully, these all will turn to green flags.
Lead image from Google.
Thank you so much, fam ❤
Never-Have-I-Ever: Valentine's Day Edition
It seems like a new trend is uprising here in read.cash as Valentine's Day is fast approaching. I feel like everybody is excited to receive bouquets, chocolates, heart-shaped cakes, and love letters. As for me, I am excited too because the day after that is 15 which means payday 😁 I have read some of the bloggers here having their entry on Never Have I Ever: Valentine's Edition, and I wanted to try as well. Here's my entry 😁
Never have I ever broken up with someone, but then got back together with them
The longest period of relationship I ever had is only 2 months. The problem is me and I acknowledge that. I can't keep a relationship so it's obvious, I don't give second chances. What's done is done. I never even talk to them about how it ended. I don't want to complicate things so better yet be silent about it and hold no grudges. That's how I live my life being single for a long time.
Never have I ever had my first kiss
My first kiss was the worst. It was stolen from me. I know I'm not the only one dreaming and fantasizing of a romantic setting for a first kiss. I remembered it was during our Christmas ball. I was in my Senior year in high school. I was an officer and I was told by a colleague that our adviser wants to see me in his office for some matter, as I went my way through his office I saw Rogie, he was a Grade 9 student and I've got a big crush on him before. He asked where was I going so I told him where my destination is. He offered to take me there because it was nighttime and I was wearing a red halter dress and I forgot to bring my shawl with me. We were just talking on our way to the office and he told me that he will tell me something after meeting our adviser.
Since I had a crush on him, I feel a lot of excitement. After the instructions my adviser gave to me, I rushed outside because I'm feeling flabbergasted that I am with my crush. As we were walking back to the gym, he pulled me somewhere wherein it was a bit dark and I can only feel his hand holding mine.
It was too dark for me to see until I feel his breathing and something soft brushed my lips. I was glued to the ground because I wasn't prepared. After a minute, I realized I just had my first kiss at the side of the street where it's dark and there's even a trash bin on the other side. It was a big turn-off for me. Until now, I still don't talk to him He ruined my fantasies. I will permanently remember what he did and will bring my hatred to the grave hahaha.
Never have I ever had a Valentine on February 14th
I experienced being in a relationship but I never had a Valentine every February. I just came to realize actually. That no one was even able to be in a relationship with me at that specific time of the year. I don't know if it's just a coincidence. Like any other girl, I also want to experience being on a date on the 14th of February. I know that day is special but I think it's more special when you spend it with someone precious to you.
Never have I ever received flowers, chocolate, or a stuffed animal from someone who's not blood-related
I have received flowers and chocolates but it's not from a Valentino. It's from my boy best friend. Probably he pities me haha. But now, it's been ages since we lost contact. Not because we're busy with work but because he shut me out of his life since he had a girlfriend, Who knows nothing but overthinks A LOT. Her brain must have a lot of space.
Never have I ever cried over someone I liked
I have cried a river already. Who wouldn't be right? It's always the attachment that makes me cry. Like, it's just really sad when the person you entrusted your feelings with, becomes cold and acts as if you didn't have something. Even if that person is just someone I'm in a "situationship" with, believe me, when the talking stage ends, you'd see my eyes almost gonna pop-out crying overnight. I am the softest. I know that.
Never have I ever received a love note
I have received from my first love who's now in love with my friend in high school, so I unfriended them because I can't stand to see them happy to bether and I really feel like I am stabbed in the back, by my friend. She knows how much I liked the guy and little did I know she was doing something secretly so she will be noticed by him. Yeah, I'm friends with the snake. I can't believe it either.
So that was it. Thanks for stopping by. I'm hoping to read your stories too. 🐰
Lead image from Unsplash.
Keeping myself out of "situation ships"
People scare me. They change their minds so quickly. One moment it’s “I love you” and “you make me happy” and the next it’s, “I’m not sure anymore” and “this isn’t what I want.” I have never been so cautious enough in letting people walk through my pages as much as I do now. I rarely keep people anyway. But, once I choose someone to keep, that means the world to me. Trust me, I appreciate everyone for small, silly reasons, but there are only a few ones whom I want to keep closer. People tend to say I built tall fences but I cannot exactly tell and I don’t know who among them are willing to make it on the other side either.
I’m a little more distant, I hide most of the time, I observe a lot not because I am withdrawn from anyone but because I appreciate silence and peace more. But if there are people who can get me out from the comfort I’m in effortlessly, that’s a real deal to me — that’s because I voluntarily take my feet out from the borders I set myself for.
Does it give a good feeling when you have someone to talk about how hard it is to open up to someone about being sad for no reason? To talk about how hard it is to explain to your friends and family that you have this heavy feeling in your chest for no reason, To talk about how hard it is to understand why you’re having a panic attack while just taking walk back home, And to talk about how hard it is to understand yourself and how scary it is to feel like the whole world is falling on your shoulders and you have no idea why. I just wonder what could it be like, the emotions and interactions involved.
A colleague told me, “Words without actions are useless.” It’s true. The reason why I‘m acting up today is that I ghosted someone. It’s not because I fell out of feelings and found someone better but because I cannot find a clue. It’s like I’m walking in a dark room, not sure where the door is. I actually, saved myself. I don’t blame myself anymore for loving a person because it is inevitable, to begin with. I’m giving myself a favor to do my best to free myself from that more-than-friends-but-less-than-lovers situation. I’m always caught up in that kind of situation. I don’t want to invest feelings anymore and I have no idea if I can even get something back. I believe that’s not what they do in business. When you invest you always expect to have something more than your investment. Love is not business after all. But the scary part, when you invest in love, is that you don’t know if you’re getting played or if they’re actually into you.
In the end, I end up thinking about the wasted time like, where did all the efforts go? Why aren’t they noticed? I did not ask him why we can’t label that something we have because I know for sure I am the only one who wants a relationship and you can’t force a person set into a relationship that they don’t want. You will just look pity in their eyes.
I tell you now, I'm happy to free myself. I have a few favorite people; you could be one of them. There could be a person who goes out of our lives, but I am grateful to God for every people who values me. They add more hues to this monochrome canvas.
I was inactive for like 3 days because we don't have an internet connection for 3 days. I hope this doesn't happen again. I miss y'all 🐰
Lead image from Unsplash.
😘
The Joy of a Fur Parent
I have always been the “Fawn” or the animal fairy in the family. If you grew up watching Disney movies you probably know Tinker Bell’s friends. Fawn is one of them and she is responsible for taking care of the animals. I can’t count with my fingers the number of pets I had in my life. I can’t even remember how many times I break down when one of them passes. For every pet owner for sure, the passing away of their beloved pets brings a lot of heartaches.
I remembered back in grade school, our dog, Emerald, gave birth to only one puppy. I take good care of it as if I was the parent. Aside from the milk, it gets from Emerald, I also provide milk for Chummy in a milk bottle. He was so cute that I can’t get over his cuteness.
Emerald died and that broke my heart because she was the first pet I ever had when we migrated to Southern Leyte. It was so saddening to see that little Chummy didn’t get enough time to be with his mum. She’s been with us for more than 7 years that’s why it’s very painful. Good thing there’s Chummy to comfort me back then.
I came home from school one day and the people in the house are acting strange. I was not feeling well at that time so I just went straight to the room after checking Chummy’s food tray with dog food. When I woke up, it was already dinner time and I cannot see my pet. I asked my parents but they ignored me. My brother who’s fond of teasing me said that Chummy died because he got by a fast-running truck. I did not believe him because I know he is just playing pranks with me again. Then he led me outside and showed me the blood marks of Chummy. I cannot describe what I felt that day.
Since then, I never wanted to own a dog anymore. As much as I wanted to have always, I don’t want to see dying pets anymore. Not until September last year, I get bored and I miss the comfort that pets only can give. I bought two bunnies, which I named, Snowy and Smokey. Their names are based on their fur colors.
I fell in love right away because they are so adorable. They literally take away my stress after work. Even if they only munch the food I’m giving them. Their food is not carrots, but kangkong or water spinach in English. My favorite leafy vegetable is the same too making me their legit fur parent for taking so much after me haha.
January 18, 2022, when I received one of the best blessings from God. Smokey gave birth to 4 lovely bunnies. I was so happy to see that our family is getting bigger. I named them Cottontail (white), Ashfall (Gray), Darkey (Black with Brown), and Midnight (Black).
My family is planning to indulge in rabbitry since it's not difficult to raise rabbits. They even reproduce in a very short time. I am happy that I was able to find something that interests them. Hopefully, all these will be realized because for sure, I will be the happiest living on the farm with my bunnies 😄🐰
Thank you 🐰🐰
Random Questions 😁
I had a load of work at school that’s why I have nothing to write about today. How’s the second day of February for you? January was okay but I hope February is better. I had a lot of heartaches with all the passing of people I love. I hope February is not only a month of love but also a month of healing. Anyways, I found this random question generator on the internet and somehow it helped me to get by.
Here’s the link if you want to check it out. https://faculty.washington.edu/ejslager/random-generator/index.html
When was the last time you cried?
Literally, last night! I finished the Our Beloved Summer. I loved the ending that it made me burst into tears. I was happy being single for a long time now, but this k-drama series made me yearn for something I felt a long time ago. I missed the feeling of being loved and cared for dearly by someone. I love myself but I think I’m gonna love myself more if the right one comes along. Opening my doors for better chances.
What is your theme song?
It’s a song by Tori Kelly called Dear No One. The song perfectly tells what I feel.
*“I like being independent, Not so much of an investment, No one to tell me what to do,”*
for a very long time that it’s just me, I got used to the feeling, I got used to being just by myself and I am enjoying the freedom I have. But sometimes, I just want somebody to hold
*“Someone to give me the jacket when it's cold, Got that young love even when we're old. Yeah, sometimes, I want someone to grab my hand. Pick me up, pull me close, be my man. I will love you till the end”*
There are times when I feel extra single and long for the feeling. I wonder how I managed to stay like this for a long time. I don’t think I can be able to manage if someone comes along. There’s one thing for sure I can promise to Dear No One, I swear to be good to you.
https://youtu.be/R9rz6Aa1ZeA
What's on your bucket list this year?
I have two important things that are on my list. The first is to get to my ideal weight. I’ve been planning for a diet and to work my exercise routine but it keeps on getting disrupted. The second is to take the licensure exam. I am ready to take the risk now. I am more eager to take it and pass. I will not waste another year for it. I’m having the feeling that this year is my year and I’m claiming it. Hopefully, I’ll be able to obtain what I desired the most.
What do you like most about your family?
I have a big and simple family. What I liked about them is that they are very much supportive of all of my decisions in life. They never lack in giving me pieces of advice when I feel I’m not getting on the right track. I am blessed to have them in my life.
Pet peeves?
I will share only two of my pet peeves. One is double-dipping. Like, the food already reached the mouth, and then, it will go back to the dip so there’s a possibility that the saliva that is already in the food will spread in the dip. I’m not being cocky but isn’t it gross? We should be vigilant about it especially there’s a pandemic.
Another is those people giving backhanded compliments. Like, OMG! No one wants to hear it if you think we look really nice for a change. We are not being sensitive but when it is something like just insults framed as compliments, people please grow up!
That would be all for now, folks! A blessed day everyone 😊🌻
Butterflies 🦋
When I was a child, I always chase butterflies in my mother's garden. Different colors of butterflies visit her garden from time to time. Her garden is so full of flowers of different kinds and colors. Sometimes she will scold me because I often stepped on her flowers. Even so, I never stopped chasing butterflies.
There was a time I got an F in a quarter of my Science class because I did not do the project. How could I if the project was about killing my favorite creatures in this world? Even if it means having a failing grade, I will never try to kill butterflies just for my grades. They're the only creatures somehow I could relate to.
I learned from grade school that butterflies have a complete life cycle. They undergo through egg, larva, pupa, and adult. The longest-lived adult butterflies live for nine months to a year, but the average lifespan for the majority of species is just two to four weeks. I don't want to live for long. I always wished I were a butterfly. I don't want to live for long. That could probably be the reason why I keep on chasing butterflies.
Then I stopped my insanity. How could a human wish to be like a butterfly? Like butterflies undergoing metamorphosis, I made a big change in myself too. I keep on loving butterflies as I have loved them since I was a kid.
Then I met him. I met him at the most vibrant moment of my life. It was added with more colors because of the smile in his eyes I can't forget. His eyes are welcoming and it tells me I am in trouble.
We became friends but the longer we stayed together, the more butterflies moved down in my stomach flying over my entirety every time our skin touched. One thing I realized in my life. I can't remember how many times I stumble down chasing butterflies, I never thought someone will give me tons of them for free ❤
#CrushProblems🦋
How's your Monday everyone?
Sunday Rants
Hello dear read stars, how was your Sunday? I hope everybody had a blast and enjoyed this last Sunday of the month. It just feels like yesterday we celebrated the new year and now we're at the end and will welcome the month of love.
Nothing much happened to me this day. I was not able to go home because I was too tired to travel yesterday. I woke up around 7 in the morning, had my breakfast, and did the laundry. One of the things I hate leaving away from home is that I don't get a choice but to do the laundry. I hate dealing with dirty clothes. But, I don't have a choice. I don't like sending my clothes to a laundry shop too because... I'm saving money. I'm not crippled yet so I better do it my own hehe.
At 10:30 am, I went to church, prayed, and listened to the gospel. There was even a Sinulog presentation after the mass. I was not able to take a picture because I did not bring my phone with me. It was nostalgic seeing the dancers because I experienced joining a Sinulog festival. I just knew that the parish did this every year as they celebrate the feast of Sr. Sto. Niño for the whole month of January. It's just a simple presentation but it's very colorful and meaningful to everyone.
After having lunch, I started with my K-drama session. I was not able to finish the K-drama I was watching last night because I fell asleep very early.
Before I decided to write an entry today, I finished the Episode 12 of Our Beloved Summer. Upon watching the previous episodes, I felt different kinds of emotions. There were times I feel so happy, mad, giddy, and sad. I think this is just normal. Viewers tend to feel the emotions of the characters.
The story is about exes who met each other again after being apart for a long time. Can exes be friends? Or is it normal to see exes that are bickering and fighting each other? Is it difficult to give a person a chance? These are some of the questions formulated in my mind as I watched OBS. I don't have enough experience of it. I have a few exes we were not friends but we're not also enemies, but we're not strangers. I don't know I'm a bit confused.
What I believe is that it depends on the reason why you broke up. Let's say if the breakup happens because of mutual decisions, then I think there's a probable chance they could still be friends. If it happens the other way around, they can't be on good terms. Sometimes I also think that being friends with your ex is totally awkward. If two people met each other again after a breakup and they realized they still love each other but both are in denial because of their pride, isn't it preferable to give themselves a chance to be together again so they will be both at peace? I have so many problems and now there's a ton of them 🙄
I saw myself in the series. There's a character there called NJ, and she has a big crush on the male protagonist. Sadly, her feelings were not reciprocated as the guy still hooked up from his past. She was right when she said, "Having a crush is so miserable." For sure, I'm not the only one who can relate here.
Having a crush is not a bad thing. It makes me inspired to wake up every day, to take care of myself and it makes my heart flutter. But the thing is, it's really painful if our feelings are not returned. It's not that we can easily subside what we feel. It's wonderful to look at your crush even if from afar but it is an eyesore if the person you like is with someone else.
Hayys... I have so many problems already, I can't them with my fingers 🤧 Well, anyway, I still have to finish the whole series and I hope it has a beautiful and happy ending.
If you have crush problems too, feel free to tell me about it 😬
Happy Sunday Everyone ❤
Random Saturday
Today I feel so refreshed knowing that tomorrow's gonna be a rest day. I am also not pressured today because I just have two scheduled classes today. We just started the classes this week, actually. It was supposed to be on the first week of January but because of the unexpected circumstances, everything scheduled were delayed. As soon as the internet connection was retrieved, we immediately send messages to the parents that we are going to start our classes on the 24th of January. Just as the week started, we all reported to the admin that only a few were able to come to class to every grade level. We understood the situation, the fact that not all areas in our region have electricity and also not all have stable network and internet connections. So, there's no formal start of lessons yet. Hopefully, next week everybody could get into the classes.
After my classes today, I saw in my newsfeed on Facebook about a Korean drama. I read it has good reviews and people who commented on it wrote good feedback about the Kdrama. As I am a K-drama addict, I browse through my secret downloading site and searched if the said Kdrama is downloadable on the site. Luckily, I found it and was able to download 12 complete episodes of it.
The kdrama is called, "All of us are Dead", the drama plot says that it is about a high school wherein students were trapped because of something somewhat similar to Zombie Apocalypse. It got my interest because I'm also fond of horror and thrill.
I already finished up to Episode 2. It really is a good series. Even on the first 2 episodes, there are already nerve-wracking scenes I can't even get out of my head. It was so exhilarating that I can't help but cover my mouth just so I could not squeal 😁
I was planning to binge-watch the newly downloaded K-drama series, but then I remembered that I still have " Our Beloved Summer" to finish. It's another K-drama. It shows a warm-romantic and a bit of comedy genre. I'm already at Episode 8. It's up to Episode 16 so I'm almost half of it.
I was so confused about which to binge-watch tonight. Then I decided not to watch AOUAD or else I might end up dreaming of zombies in my sleep. I want to finish OBS also. I like the giddy feeling it gives me. It makes me remember my first love back in high school, chos oy hahaha 😆 Not only that I can relate to the plot but the male protagonist looks like my first love.
I already have a sense about the ending, for sure the lead actors will be each other's end game. As for me, it will never happen. Even if we will see each other, it will never happen. He is already happy in his relationship with my friend while I am happily single. I actually want to tell him to watch this kdrama but he's not into Korean.
So much for my Korean-looking first-love-who-doesn't-even-like-k-dramas hahaha I had so much popcorn today that I don't have plans on eating dinner. I'll just probably skip and eat tomorrow. I remembered I have an ebook to finish as well. My goal is to finish one ebook novel every two weeks. Tomorrow's the deadline haha. I am reading 'It ends with us' by COLLEEN HOOVER. I highly recommend this writer's books. All of her stories are exceptional and are wonderful to read. If you want me to give you copies of her book, just comment down your email ads. Don't worry, I had it legally 😉 I did not pay a good price for nothing. It really is worth reading. Actually, Kathryn Bernardo just finished it and she gave beautiful feedback about the story. You wouldn't know how beautiful the plot is if you will not read it 😁
So, that's all for today because I'm gonna binge-watch all night and probably sleep tomorrow hahaha. RIP to me 😚
Have a Happy Weekend ❤
I’ve always wanted to be loved
Imagine being loved the way you’ve always wanted to be loved – unconditionally supported, encouraged, nurtured, empowered, adored, and cherished. Imagine someone saying you’re beautiful when you’re feeling insecure, the uncontrolled potential, and the wonderful qualities you embody – seeing the best in you, even when you are at your worst. Imagine someone seeing right into your heart and soul, knowing your deepest dreams, and always believing in you. Imagine someone who knows your darkest secrets and still loves you unconditionally. Imagine for a moment what that would feel like.
I’ve always wanted to be loved. I’ll drop the act today because for once and for all I always admit that I want to be loved. I’ve always wanted to be loved and always wanted to be wanted and always to feel a sense of belongingness.
I always dream to have that pair of arms that is always willing to hold me. Give warmth to my skin during the cold weather and put their arms around me just to make me feel secure. I always dream to have someone who keeps my picture in their wallet. Every time he misses my presence, he would just stare at my picture and would say how lucky he is for having me in his life. Isn’t that a beautiful feeling?
To have someone who loves you and someone to love. I will love the person the way I’ve always wanted to be loved. I will cherish every moment and time given to us. I will love without condition and reservation. From the deep waters of his soul, the laughter in his eyes, I will feel everything.
I’ve always wanted to be loved but I’ve always wanted to be spared from heartbreak anymore. I don’t like to whisper to another soul to find me in another lifetime if we are not meant to be in this time. I am confused most of the time. I want to be loved, but I don’t want to be in pain anymore. Perhaps someone will come and teach me how to love; I’m ready to learn even if the lesson is hard. Perhaps someone will come here to show me the broken things that need mending; I will mend them so I may love the way I’ve always wanted to love.
Jowang-jowa lang? HahaHappy Friday 😊
Thank you 😚 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
It's a good morning! Thank you @OfficialGamboaLikeUs ❤ You're truly amazing 😊🌻
My Roommate and I
For sure most of us here have experienced living in a boarding house where you share your room with others. If in your household you don’t do the chores, in a boarding house there should be an equal distribution of the chores, in other words, you have to work your ass or else you will be evicted by your roommates.
When I get to college I lived in a boarding house with three roommates. I remembered how harmonious our lives were together because we click easily and there is equality inside the house. Though, sometimes, it’s unavoidable to have conflicts, which we can handle easily. Who wants to share a room with a person you’re not on good terms right? I cannot wish for other roommates other than them.
Now, that I am already working, still away from my house, so there is no choice for me but to live in a boarding house near the school I’m working at. Been working for three years and because of the pandemic, I was told by our school administrator to stay in one of the classrooms which I gladly agreed so I can save too. I have this one colleague who wanted to join me in the room because she got tired of commuting every day.
At first, sharing the room with her was no problem at all. Until months pass by, I discovered her true colors. You will indeed know the person only when you live with them.
It's not that I am being cocky but I cannot stand her anymore. She literally carries all my pet peeves. Like for example, I really hate it when utensils used are just dumped in the kitchen sink. Since we have different time schedules, we do not eat together during lunchtime but every time I go to the kitchen after my classes, it really pisses me off looking at the piles of unwashed utensils. The first time she did that, I just thought of, maybe she will just wash it after she was done with work, but what shocked me was that the piles of utensils are still in the sink. In the end, I was the one who washed her eating utensils. I let it pass so many times, but c'mon I have limitations!
Another is whenever she's on the phone, talking with some random people she's close with, she talks like she's the only one in the random. At night, after doing all the routines before going to bed I either watch K-drama or read my favorite e-books from Colleen Hoover, I will just be surprised hearing her loud laughter. It's not the kind of laughter you want to hear but it's the most annoying thing you could ever hear.
I am used to sharing my food with my roommate before, like back in college, my roommates and I always exchange what we have. It's not that I am pissed because she's not sharing with me but because I share what's mine to her but she never does the same to me. I just wonder if she has the sense of "giving back to others." Well, it's better to give than to receive.
I also don't like someone to touch my things. But her, she just get my stuff even without my permission. If only I could just shout at her and tell her KEEP OUT! But I can't since we work together and I don't like any conflicts and aside from that she's older than me. I'm not being insatiable with my things but my stuff needs PRIVACY!
There's still a lot more to say but I m trying to not include her anymore as I am getting furious again because I saw another pile of unwashed utensils. Actually, I already talked to her about it, I don't know if she's just trying to be annoying. Duh, whatever!
I'm sorry with all these rants, I just don't have someone to release what's in my head. Also, I don't want to share it with my other colleagues because it could be the start of conflicts and I don't want that, I am for world peace. I am aware that I am not a perfect roommate but at least I have the decency to respect my roommate. I know what's right or wrong. All I want is to have a comfortable living in the place I'm staying at.
Thank you 👇👇👇👇👇👇
Are we the boss or slaves of time?
In more ways than one, all of us are in a helter-skelter as far as time management is concerned. Lack of such know-how poses chaos in one’s sense of balance. Amid the hustle and bustle of a graveling routine, we can’t seem to keep abreast with each passing minute. Without really knowing it, our outright struggle to make headway is often clouded by a maze of doubt. Somehow we have allowed ourselves to drift and be swept away by the passage of time. Looking closely, we have not actually made any progress at all.
Every ticking second is a gem not to be wasted. Time is so precious; and is such a pity that we tend to spend our day in unnecessary means. If we only got down to the bottom of things, we would discover, to our surprise, that our fallibility as erring humans could be simply attributed to the present stigma. Attitude is a true reflection of our individuality.
Despite the hodgepodge of activities we have to wrap up at the end of the day and the amount of energy to be exerted, much to our charges, we have actually accomplished nothing for our self-fulfillment. We may somehow be complacent with what we are and with what we have, but deep down, a certain void needs filling up.
We often wonder why some of our peers in our workplace get the right breaks and better-paying jobs. Precisely because of their keen sense of time management. Making an in-depth and honest analysis of ourselves helps us discover the glaring flaws that make, success quite elusive. We have to ask ourselves, and seriously null on the missing link on our career path.
Are we habitually late, or undisposed, in reporting for work? Do we come on time on special occasions where our presence is highly needed? Or when laziness creeps in, do we just turn around with nonsensical ideas of our own?
Chronic absenteeism and tardiness speak well of the kind of students and employees we are. Such irresponsible nature is the number one reason that provokes the ire of bosses or supervisors.
About our discourse on proper time management, we also have to take into consideration the usual affairs we conduct in the office - “Apart from being prompt at all costs, how do we fare about beating deadlines? Do we exert a consideration the amount of time and energy in compliance with office decorum? Are we deadline conscious? When reports, case studies are required of us for a target date, do we have this sense of urgency to make a go of the project?
In proper time handling, we have to be clear about the results intended. Prioritizing things is putting an order in our daily schedules an endeavor of great importance must be put in ranks for discernment. What needs to be done must be actualized right on the snap. No room for procrastination. Deferring things for another day can disrupt the planned schedule of other pending matters. Finding a workable solution pays dividends in putting everything in its proper perspective.
Even the bible places a high premium on time management. Indeed there is a time for everything… a time to be born, a time to die, a time for war, a time for peace, a time to work, and a time to rest.
And after a hard day's work, we can look back in retrospect and smilingly, utter in fulfillment…
TIME IS REALLY GOLD.
Thank you 👇👇👇👇👇👇👇👇
@Fyangzee24
