@Fyangzee24
edited
Dying while Living. I've read some articles over the internet about people who commit suicide. Reports gave different reasons why those people executed themselves. Upon reading different stories and suicide notes, there's one thing I realized. People don't die from suicide, they die from sadness. Right now, I'm feeling like I'm close to it. It’s hard to find happiness when you feel like you’ve failed, that you’re never going to get what you want. I thought I am contented with what I am right now, well, I was, not until, my very own family discouraged my confidence. They said words I don't expect to hear from them. Words that stabbed deeply my heart. They said you need a man to break you so you become strong. Well, who needs someone if they can do it themselves. It was always my family who's been my inspiration for striving hard, but the same reason for my sadness and heartbreak. I was at work earlier. I do what I usually do, face the children, give them lessons and teach, and give my best smile before leaving the class. I’m doing my best to stay positive because that’s what gets me through the day. But deep inside of me, I don't feel alive anymore. I feel like I'm a two-faced wench hiding what I really feel, my real expressions. I realize now that the person I used to be is not the person I am. I don't like to live anymore. If it weren’t for the fact that the sun is so hot, the earth would probably be frozen solid. That’s what sadness does to you. It freezes your heart so that nothing feels good anymore. I am in a prison of my own cell. They said you can’t save people from their sadness. All you can do is share with them. Who can I turn to when the people I thought I can be with through the ends of this world, left me and broke my heart into bits of pieces. I know what it’s like to feel sadness, it’s like a dark cloud above your head. The heaviness is unbearable and the voices you do not know where they come from keep on whispering indistinct words I do not understand that worsens the headache I feel. Life is tough. Life is hard. Sometimes life is so hard that you can barely breathe. I am being compared to my beginning with someone else’s middle. I know I am left behind but I don't want to be reminded of it because I am doing my best to create my own timeline. It felt like I don't have much time left, with all the pressure in their words. I’ll be okay, but I can’t be happy right now. It was like I was conjuring up this sadness and it was just spilling out of me. There’s always a hole inside me. Sometimes it’s empty, sometimes it’s full. Sadness is like surviving a war, but there’s no peace at the end. I feel so lonely and so melancholy. Abandoned and unappreciated, the worst things in life to feel but they gave me the whole privilege to feel it. I feel like I’m in the wrong place. I don't feel I belong to anyone. I don't have a home to stay. I feel so alone. It’s like the rest of the world is moving past me and I’m stuck in one place. Can this all end in one night? At 3 am where everything is in silence, voices become so vivid and loud. My eyes are worn-out crying in discreet. My sadness becomes heavy on that witching hour. I am praying to heal and mend myself. I don't want to make my life go to waste because somehow I still see hope. I want to apologize for having an entry like this. This is not for everybody to feel sorry and pity me, but I tried my best to put what I feel into words. I am really in a mess right now. Thank you for reading without judgment. I'll get through this. Hopefully very soon. I'll stay active as I can be, just to get by. It helps me somehow. 🎭
32 comments
You don't need to apologise in publishing contents like this because it's a great way to express our hidden emotions that we rarely talk to people especially to that we know . I hope you will feel better soon and we happy again someday and the sadness in your heart will slowly fade away.
Thank you so much. I am trying and constantly fighting the demons inside me. I know I will be :)
As what you said in my article "Keep fighting". Take courage to fight that sadness and don't be sorry for publishing like this because it helps to ease from pain. Keep fighting❣️
Thank you for reminding me that I am capable of encouraging others. I will try my very best to overcome this.
Remember you are not alone for fighting.
I will remember that :)
Dont be sorry writing here will somehow lighten the burden you have. Keep fighting and dobt forget that we are at your back
I will. Thank you so much. It may take time and it will not be easy to forget things and move on, but I will fight.
Yes, but for sure you can make it
I will make sure of it :)
😀
Sadness is killing you deeply, but you should fight against that kind of sadness, just keep on praying to overcome it.
I know. It does actually killing me little by little. Thanks for reminding me to always pray. I will do my best to get myself out of this extreme sadness.
Your welcome sis😘
We can call sadness as the killer of life, the one which kills life to the fullest.
That is true. Many have died already because of extreme sadness. I wonder if before they die, did they try saving themselves?
I am sorry to hear this mamsh! I do not know what to say, but I hope in no time, you'll get through it. Fighting! Huuugs! 🤗
I am hoping too. Sadness will just fly away on the wings of time. What I'm feeling hurts but I think this is also being healthy, knowing that I'm still not numb and my senses still work. I am fighting. Thank you :)
Yes. Let's just acknowledge the pain for the meantime and hope for the best. You're welcome. ☺️
Laban lng sis yaw palupig ky samtang buhe pa ta dpat mo survived jud ta ha..Aja!
Ginakaya nako sis. Maong nagpalayo sa ko sa amoa.
Makabuang rba na di mgkumpiynsa ana mao pglingw na lng. Ako gni sa kdghn nko pblma sauna may gni wa ko matralala ba.
NAningkamot gajud ko sis. Dili ko ganahan magpapildi ani
We've all felt that way at one time or another, that we're worthless or that our effort isn't good enough. I've really felt like this all day, I've been really bad, that I can't even read, I feel like sometimes I don't understand what I read. I'm usually a pretty energetic person but today my energy has been really off. I hope you feel well soon and so do I, let's not let our hearts freeze in sadness.
Let's overcome this. We were not put in this situation for no reason. For now, I'm going to reflect things.
The best way to avoid emptiness is to do things that we really like, that make us forget those negative feelings.
That's what I am trying to do even though I lose interest in doing some of the things I like. For example, I love writing but with the sadness I have I don't like doing it anymore. As a matter of fact, I'm only forcing myself to do it, because if not, my mind gets busy overthinking again. Even if it's difficult to think of what to write, I still do it just to get by.
Oh so I have been friend, luckily there was a day that I wrote 7 articles and left them in draft, otherwise, I would not have been able to publish these last 4 days. I can't write if I feel bad
Oh, you are so productive and you have a lot of ideas to write 7 articles. That's good enough though to have something stored in your drafts just in case, you don't feel to write anything the next day.
I had a hard time doing it haha, but I was able to do it, I've read from many people on read.cash that makes 2 or 3 drafts for the days they have very busy, so when I had a really good and unoccupied day I started to write without anything stopping me :D you can try to do it little by little
I think most of us can relate to this. We are not at all build the same way. Some can cope better than others. That's why it's always better to treat each other with kindness and be more understanding of each other for we don't know what each of us is going through.
If only they think the same way, I wouldn't be hurting this way. If only there's someone who can at least tell them to be kind with their words, I wouldn't be suffering emotionally. I never felt this way before, that is why I am having a difficult time to cope up and move on with my life.