Thoughts when I'm drunk

I am telling you honestly that while writing this entry I am under the influence of vodka and tequila. Hard drinks for cold weather. As of the moment, I'm feeling the world spinning around me, so I should behave and stop moving, or else I will stumble down. Even so, I can still think of things that randomly just pop out of my mind. Things that don't normally come to my head when I'm in a good state.

I was never an alcoholic drinker before, but when I met people who enjoy drinking, I was somehow influenced by them. At first, I don't like the taste but somehow, I get used to the bitter taste of the liquor. What are you thinking when you're under the influence of liquor despite the dizziness you're feeling while you're under it?

Why am I single?

This question always randomly appears while I'm having a few shots. I have this feeling like I don't like to be in a relationship but at the same time, I want to belong in someone else's arms. I want to know how it exactly feels when you are loved, flexed, and taken care of by someone you love. There are times when I think like, I am not that ugly, but why does no one is taking me like anybody else? I'm not that bad too. I admit I've got an attitude but it always depends on how everybody treats me. So why am I single?

What if he stayed in my life?

I shared already this with everyone. How badly I'm in love with my first love. He's the only person I trusted with my whole life and end up destructing my trust in everyone else. If someone would ask me, if there's someone I would like to have back in my life, it's him. I'm that marupok. Just seeing him with his new girlfriend breaks my heart into pieces. It's been 3 years since he left me and ended our story that we started since elementary. So, what if he stayed in my life? Probably, I'm the happiest and most grateful for having him in my life.

What if I'm rich?

Another random question that pops into my mind. If I'm rich, I don't have to work. I don't think I have to spend time working my ass out just to wait for every 15 days to receive my salary. I don't have to wake up early and prepare myself to work. Sometimes, I feel the world is so unfair. It is unfair in the sense that I have to work hard on my own to get the things I need and want and most of the time I work for the needs of my family. Sometimes I blame my father. He was an Engineer but because he did not renew his license, probably we will not live as hard as this. Anyways, I'm still thankful.

How to be in love again?

So tell me, after being broken for years, how were you able to open your hearts again? How did you find being so fine and in love with the person you're with right now, when you've been broken and down. I want to know because in times like this, I want to tell someone, how drunk am I and still in love. I miss the feeling. That erratic and irrevocable feeling. I miss it so much, the excitement and the thrill. I wonder who's gonna make me feel like it and when will it be.

These are just the common questions that come to my mind dramatically when I am drunk. As of now, I can't think of anything else I think I have taken in much liquor than my usual intake because I already feel my heartbeat in my head haha. But they said, that it only means you're having a good time and yes, I'm definitely having a good time :)

Thank you ❤