My Forever Angel

Hi everyone. Call me Anne Marie. I am a proud teacher and I could say that I am successful in my career. And yes, I am pretty single but not ready to mingle. Why? Because my priority right now is my son. I am a single mom but please know my story before you judge me.

 I am the kind of girl who dislikes commitment or should I say I don't want to have a relationship with someone else unless I have already decided to settle down. I even entered college as 'no boyfriend since birth'. I am not bitter and probably not numb, okay? In fact, I secretly like someone. And I didn't really expect that we could be together. That he is someone who is capable to turn my world upside down.

 It was 30 years ago when I met Angel. His name is so girly that I always tease him with it.  He's my best friend, he's my childhood friend, he's my neighbor, my classmate, he's so intelligent! He's rich, he's simple, he's a God-fearing man, he's very kind, he's very handsome and more importantly he is like me, no girlfriend since birth too. In short, he has everything every girl could wish for. But there is only one that I hate about him, he is sick. We were so young when this happen  According to his doctor, there's a tumor in his spinal cord that as he gets older, it grows too. And when he reaches the right age, there is only a 10 percent chance of living if he is going to have surgery.

 I admit that I like him. No, I love him. I am so in love with him, secretly. Like my heart is going to pop whenever when we are together. But I always put in mind that I should not be attached to him. I don't want to be left behind in the end. I know that I will definitely lose him because of his sickness. I am fucking scared. I'm a f*cking coward.

 I need all the distractions in the world to forget this freaking feeling. I put all of my attention into my studies and on other things to make my feelings for him disappear. I make myself busy and ignored him every time he approach me. But he still keeps on pursuing me. He always invites me to eat and always tells me to take care. He will do everything just to make me look at him. He always buys me snacks. He always wants to go home with me but I refuse his offer. He is so very sweet to me but I am always cold to him. I just don't want to fall for him more. But because of his gestures and everything, I'm afraid to admit that I just make myself fall for him, deeper. His other guy friend told me he also likes me. God knows that I want to be with him, that I want to take care of him. But my fears always come first. So I made a promise to myself that I will stay away from him for my peace of mind. But in the end, I'm just lying to myself.

 But faith works and finds its own way. Instead of moving forward and forgetting everything, here I am falling deeply in love with him. Every time i hear him laugh, his dimples when he smiles, his friendly ways to me, his funny side, his kindness, his very beautiful voice when he sings, and all the efforts he does just to make me look at him and get my attention. Everything about him, made me fall for him over and over again.

 Until one day, Angel asked me for a favor if can we talk privately. So I lead him to the biggest tree on our campus. Actually, this place serves as the shade for all the students who want to study outdoor. But this time, no one is around, so there it is. It is very quiet. All I can hear are the leaves shaking above because of the wind. Spell awkward. It's the both of us. So I decided to break the silence.

 I told him, "what do you want to talk about?" Then he started to look at me and breathe in heavier. "Why do you always ignore me? You're keeping your distance from me. I did everything just to get your attention but still, it looks like you don't really care for me. It feels like I don't exist. We're best friends for Pete sake! Why do I feel that I look like I'm a stranger to you? You're so numb! Is your heart made of stone? Even if you can't love me back, can you please let me love you? Please."

Did I mishear something?

... to be continued

Lead image from Google.

Thank you <3