Lips of an Angel

Flashing lights. Loud music. Party people. Tequila.

My life every Friday night is never boring. I can't get used to it even when the next morning comes, my head feels like it weighs tons.

Time check: 12:06 am. It's too early to go home.

I went to the restroom to fix myself. There are many couples on every corner making out. Curling up and grinding on each other. Get a room, people!

I'm wasted. Bloodshot eyes. Unruly hair and messy facial. I can't seem to look at my face. What happened to you? I just felt my eyes stinging, and a teardrop fell on my eyes. The door opened and a group of girls went on the cubicles. I stepped out of the washroom and headed out to my car.

I don't think I can manage to drive in my condition. I'm sleepy and I feel so dizzy. A sign of having a good time for me. I checked the time again and it's 12:36 am now. How quick the time runs. I don't know but it seems like my thumb has its voluntary work. It dialed the number that has long been deleted from my contacts. I can't believe how sharp my memory is even in my drunk state.

"Hello?"

It's the familiar voice I missed every day. I just listened to him on the other line.

"Angel, why are you calling me so late?"

My drowsiness went away as he utter my name. I thought he deleted my name on his contacts. It feels weird but I felt relieved knowing that he still got me on his contacts.

"It's kind of hard to talk right now,"

He's whispering on the other line. I can't help but sob. I missed him so bad. After 2 years, it's still him my heart is yearning for. I cried silently so he will not hear on the other line.

"Angel, why are you crying is everything okay?"

I probably cried loud enough for him to hear. I still did not answer him. I wanted to tell him how badly I'm missing him. That I was sorry for my decisions and I still love him.

"D-Dominic."

I finally said with my broken voice from my broken heart.

"I got to whisper because I can't be too loud.".

There it hit me. He wasn't the same Dominic I call every night just to have late-night talks. He's no longer someone whom I can talk to whenever I want.

I dropped the call. I can't bear the pain anymore. Memories kept crashing through my mind and it's making me dizzier. My phone rang and I thought Dominic called me back. Why would I think of that?

" Where are you?" It's Sherwin, my boyfriend. We got on a fight, as always.

"Venison's" I don't have the intention to tell him where am I right now but I really need to get home. My eyes are swollen from crying, my heart is heavy and I don't think I can drive in this state. I deleted Dominic's number on my call logs, I don't like to make it a new reason for a fight.

I am not happy anymore, with my work, with my toxic friends, with my family, and with Sherwin. Everything around me seemed so lethal and I don't know how to get out of it for the reason that I am scared to be lonely. I am used to all the fights, shouting, and embarrassment I had with my relationship with Sherwin. Both of us could decide to split but neither of us did because we're both damaged, worn-out, and afraid of no one's gonna pick us up when one of us held down.

After a few minutes, he arrived. He went to the driver's seat and drove off my car. We were very silent. None of us are talking. I am just enjoying the lively nightlights and I dozed off.

1:30 pm. I woke up on my bed. Feeling hungry and I still have a hangover. I give myself a quick bath and heated the soup Sherwin left for me. He's busy with work. I am just someone he would visit whenever he feels like doing it. I am just an outlet for him. He hurts me with his foul words. Sometimes he's apologetic and gives me luxurious things. I maybe am a masochist for enjoying the pain and sadness.

I did not do anything much but watch Netflix the whole day. I received a message from Sherwin, checking how am I feeling. He even called for a minute, and was all nagging and shouting at me over the phone.

I'm very much used to it so I just did not pay attention to his words that hurt like daggers pressing my feelings.

It's almost midnight and I can't still sleep. I remembered the deep voice of the person I called. What if's are flooding my mind once again. What if I was strong enough to fight for love, I would have not been this lonely.

I was surprised when my phone rings suddenly.

It's the number I cannot forget.

"Angel?"

"Dominic? I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk."

I heard him sighed on the other line.

"How are you?"

I hold on tight on my bed. What should I answer? Any minute my tears are likely to fall again.

"It's funny that you're calling me tonight."

I did not answer his question. Ever since we break up, he never tried to contact me again. It was always me who keeps on dialing his number and never picking it up.

We talked casually. Talking about random things but I can hear that he is whispering over the phone.

"I... still dream of you. How about you?"

I don't know whose fault it is. I was not thinking of saying it. He's not saying anything. I never heard silence so loud.

"And yes I dream of you too."

I can feel my heart going on somersault. I did not expect him to say that. It's been so long since I felt this happiness inside.

"Does he know you're talking to me?"

He asked me with full of concern in his voice.

"No, he's not here. What about Monica? Will it start a fight if she knows?"

Monica, she WAS my best friend.

"No, I don't think she has a clue."

I feel like I'm a mistress. A person who's in a relationship with someone who tied the knots already.

"She's in the next room... Sometimes, I wish she was you." My heart was pierced with million daggers when I heard him sob on the line. I am happy to know what he feels about me but at the same time, I'm aching because we can't do anything anymore.

"I guess we never really moved on."

How could I move on from someone who made me so happy, who made me the most beautiful woman in the world, and someone who made me the loneliest person in the world?

It was one mistake but I never gave him the chance to make it right. I never listened to him that he was drunk and lured by Monica to get him from me. I never believed it because I trusted my best friend which turned out she planned to destroy us. After all, she loved Dominic for a very long time. Then she got pregnant. My world shattered at that time, how could I be selfish to an innocent child. They got married a few months later the news got out that she's pregnant. I couldn't stand the sight of seeing the man you love and your best friend whom you treated like your sister on the church exchanging vows. I flew to New York and there I met Sherwin, damaged and problematic. He picked me up as I make him whole again. We both survived the cruelty of fate to us.

"It's really good to hear your voice, saying my name it sounds so sweet." I feel the same, Dominic. You still give the same effect to be the first time you took me to the prom.

"Is it because it's coming from the lips of an Angel?" I jokingly said to him.

"Hearing words from you, still makes me weak."

I don't know if Dominic is just playing with my feelings, I might as well enjoy it. This could be the last...

"Hmm, Dominic, I need to hang up now. It's getting late."

"But I never want to say goodbye. You're making it hard to be faithful"

Please don't give me high hopes. I might not be able to control myself.

"I missed you so much, Angel."

Then he hangs up.

I know that's the end of everything. The closure, we unexpectedly get. Was it really a closure? I feel relieved now. I was able to say things to him that's in my heart.

Suddenly, my phone rings again. This time it's Sherwin.

"Honey, why are you calling me so late?"

He did not answer immediately. I double-checked if he is really the one calling me.

"I miss you. I'll be home soon, my Angel"

This shall be the start of a new chapter in my life.

Lead image from Google.

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