Dear Dad,

There are so many things I'd like to tell you face to face. I either lack the words or fail to find the time or place. But, in this letter Dad, you'll find at least in part, the feelings that the passing years have left in my heart. The memories of childhood days and all that you have done to make our home a happy place and growing up such fun.

Dad, as I grow old I'm starting to miss you and mom. I have been thinking for a while now that you both are also getting older. I'm praying over the moon to let the universe stop our planet from revolving. It's been a long time when we had our beautiful family moments. The times we shared, the laughter, and the tears you wiped in my eyes, I missed everything.

I can still recall the story of mom of my first step. You were the first one to hold my hands and guide me as I learned how to walk. I remembered when I was a toddler you didn't give me a doll on my birthday but a Board of Scrabble. You taught me how to play with it and it became my favorite board game. I can still remember the times you took my side whenever mom scold me. You always favor me as I was your favorite because I follow you wherever you go. I always feel sadness every time you go out to work and comes back after a week. Being at home without you is so depressing. I want to go back to the days where you carry me around your shoulder, give me piggy-back rides, and sleeping in your lap.

When I reach puberty, a lot of things change. You don't appreciate me anymore, or is it just what I see? You always complain about why do I go out with my friends that you don't like. You became so autonomous on me. I felt like I lost the father I knew. I didn't grow up a normal teenager because you keep on demanding the things that I should do. I became so afraid and submissive to you. My friends are telling me to go out and rebel, but I remained a good daughter to you. But, you never see that. You always noticed my faults, not my achievements. Dad, I love you but why is it like this? I couldn't forget when you whacked me with your belt just because I went home late. I tried to explain why I stayed out but you slapped me because you said I was talking back at you. You said all the worst things that my friends influenced me negatively. That was the first time I run to mom crying because of you. That was my first heartbreak. Mom cried with me that time she was upset that she can't do anything as well. She was very sorry. She can't keep it up to me because she was too busy at work. That causes her a miscarriage. Dad, why is it my fault? You blamed me on rushing mom to the hospital and the death of the baby. I was sorry but, WHY IS IT MY FAULT?! You are very suspicious of me that you can't trust me going out with my friends and attending parties at night. I don't have any clue, dad why are you so tight on me? In high school, there's this guy I liked so much but I can't fight for my feelings because I was too afraid of you. You warned me about having a boyfriend. So, I lost my first love. I was so uptight that I focused on my academics, joined contests, won some of them and I keep my grades high. I wanted to tell you "dad, I'm so tired. Please give me a LIFE."

Flashing back to my senior years in high school. We had an overnight recollection activity, exclusive for graduating students only. I was having a difficult time telling you about it but to my surprise, you allowed me to go without hesitation. During the said activity, we were given time to reflect on ourselves. On the first day of the activity, I can't believe how heavy the feeling is for me. I realized how suffocated I am with your rigid domain on me. I cried a river thinking about how am I living such a rigorous life when I remembered I was a Papa's girl before and as the years passed I became so distant to you because I am afraid of you. On that day, letters were sent to our parents either mom or dad to attend on the second day of recollection. I was expecting mom to attend or no one if she's busy. On the second day, we started very early. We were already starting our session and we were given an activity. The activity was to write a letter to our parents. I couldn't think less of not writing a letter to dad. I was too confident that you will not be able to read my letter. Hours from it the doors were opened and the parents went inside. To my surprise, I saw you standing in line together with the other parents. Did you think I was lying, that's why you went to check if I was really on a school activity? This is too much. Parents were told to go and find their children. You were looking around for me until our eyes meet and your head in my direction. I'm shaking inside. I wrote everything in my letter. My pain, sacrifices, and all the things I want to say to you. The activity started. We all gave our letters to our parents. I handed mine to you. I was so hesitant but I don't have any choice. You read my letter while I'm just closing my eyes listening to the silence around the room. A little later, I can hear the sobbing of the parents. I remained my eyes closed until I felt the paper you handed to me, I thought you returned my paper. I did not look at you and I reach the paper from you. I was flabbergasted by what I read. It was a letter for me too.

My dearest Neil,

For the past years, I have watched you grown beautifully. You are my pride and my loving daughter.

Over the years, I realized you are no longer the baby I used to carry in my arms and the baby I danced with to sleep at night. I have troubles and anxiety thinking that one day, you will leave the house and live on your own. I am not ready for that, yet. I want you close to me and always in my sight. You are too beautiful in my eyes that I don't want any boys swooning over you. Please understand me for being protective.

I wanted to give you the perfect life, that I build walls around you. Never had I realized that I was being hard on you. I am sorry that The life I want for you is the life that you're not happy with.

I am here to make things straight. I've caused you a lot of pain and scars in your heart.

Will you forgive me, 'nak?

Dad

With that cried my whole heart out. You hugged me and I hugged you back. I was longing for this for a long time. Thank God heard my prayers.

I went to college and our relationship went well. I grew well because of you. I was matured enough to think over things wisely. You guided me all the way and supported all the things that happen to my life.

Dear Dad, this letter comes to thank you, for the needed words of praise, the counsel, and the guidance too, that shaped my growing-up days. No words can tell you, dad, the things I really feel but, you must know that my love for you is lasting, warm, and real. We shared a bitter-sweet relationship but you made my world a better place to live, and through the coming years, I'll keep these precious memories as cherished souvenirs.

Your loving daughter,

Neil ❤