Cheat me not

12 31

There are so many people in today’s day and age that wind up having to face the acute pain that comes with being cheated on. They are frustrated, heartbroken, and confused about why something so terrible happened to them if there were any indicators that they should have taken note of before it happened, and if there’s anything to do to save their relationship now or prevent it from happening to them again in the future. When you are faced with something like this, it’s perfectly normal that you would start to feel very vulnerable and experience waves of self-doubt.

When someone’s cheated on by their partner, they’re often left to ask, why?

How could someone they trusted and loved - and who they thought loved them back – betray them in such a shocking and hurtful way? There’s usually not only a sense of anger and upset, but also total disbelief.

The reasons people cheat are varied, but there is a number that crop up time and again in the counseling room. If you’re currently struggling to understand why this has happened to you, you may find it useful to think about some of the following.

Disconnection

One of the most common reasons for infidelity is the feeling that you and your partner have drifted apart. In this case, cheating can feel like a way of finding something new and exciting when your relationship has become predictable and familiar. A sense of disconnection from one’s partner can happen for a variety of reasons. There may be a lack of proper communication in the relationship (talking about specific issues or just generally keeping in touch about how you feel). Or life may have become dominated by work or looking after kids, so time together has become more functional than loving.

Feeling unloved

We often use the term ‘love languages’ to describe how people express affection to one another. Some partners communicate more verbally by saying nice things, whereas others might prefer to express affection physically by cuddling or kissing. If your love language is different from your partners, that can leave you feeling unloved – and potentially more open to the affections of someone who seems to understand you better.

Imbalance

If there’s a lack of balance in a relationship, one partner can begin to feel a bit like a parent and the other like a child. For example, one partner may feel like they have to be the responsible one, making all the decisions, organizing the home, managing the finances, and so on, while their partner doesn’t pull their weight. An affair might then be tempting to feel appreciated and equal. Equally, the partner in the ‘child’ position may feel criticized and as if nothing they do seems to be enough, meaning an affair might feel like a way of reclaiming some sense of freedom and superiority.

Scared to commit

Sometimes, affairs occur at times when you might assume people would be the most secure in their relationship, such as after getting engaged or when someone is pregnant. But worries about over-commitment can be very destabilizing. Sometimes, people can sabotage what they have, intentionally or unconsciously, as a way of dismissing feelings of responsibility.

Insecurity

Affairs can also arise from personal insecurities. Low self-esteem can cause people to be very dependent on the attention of others—and in some cases, the attention of just one person isn’t enough. It may also cause someone to feel insecure in their relationship, so much so that they might cheat as a way of rejecting rather than being rejected.

So, why do people cheat in a relationship? It could be any of those and there could be other reasons for infidelity.

Let's guard our hearts. Never settle for the bare minimum :)

5
$ 0.04
$ 0.02 from @Eybyoung
$ 0.02 from @Theblackdoll
Sponsors of Fyangzee24
empty
empty
empty

Comments

Yes being cheated can make us so emotional and fall us in depression..so I recommend everyone not to expect so much from others

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Yes. Sometimes we expect things from the way we see it and assume that they will be the same, but when reality comes in, it will slap on like a hard iron on our faces.it really hurts

$ 0.00
1 year ago

I beg to disagree. I've always said that there's no such thing as a reason for cheating, not even an excuse. Saying there's a reason is like saying it wasn't intentional. There's no such thing as accidental cheating. It's always a choice, hence no supposed reason or excuse counts. You can leave the relationship for those reasons, but not to stay and be cheating

$ 0.03
1 year ago

Well, that is your opinion. I respect that. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Hmm for me that personal insecurities can really ruin relationship

$ 0.03
1 year ago

True. In a relationship, no one should feel inferior. It should be balanced, a give and take kind of relationship.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Being cheated on isn't really a nice experience, most times it could result in emotional and mental trauma. Thats why I keep telling people, be prepared for whatever emotional vices that will ensue from a relationship.

$ 0.03
1 year ago

It really is. If there's one thing I never wished to experience in a relationship, that is being cheated on. I've seen and talked to many people who have been badly broken because their partners weren't faithful in their relationship.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Personal insecurities indeed can ruin relationship if it's not tamed, hard to be insecure with your partner when both of you should be a partner not competitor.

$ 0.03
1 year ago

Exactly. No one should be above the other. Inferiority only leads to misunderstandings and somehow might lead to breakups.

$ 0.00
1 year ago

Out of all reasons, "personal insecurity" is the most annoying factor.. people need to work on that before inducing mental harm towards othrs

$ 0.03
1 year ago

You are right. No one should feel below or above the other. It should be balanced. Helping out each other to grow in the relationship instead of competing with each other.

$ 0.00
1 year ago