I'd Rather Be A Monster Than A Spoiler

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Avatar for Eybyoung
1 year ago

Parenting is the hardest job in the world but also the most fulfilling one. It's a lifetime commitment of raising a little human until it becomes an adult. Recently, I've been realizing a lot about life. Why and how my mother influence me in growing up.

My mother is a monster to me when I was young. It might be rude but that's how I viewed her back then. My younger self hates her, but the current self still thanking her for training me to survive in life.

This post was inspired by my thoughts below, I posted it on Facebook but I decided to make it ONLY ME after seconds. Why? The thoughts might be bothersome to my in-laws side because that's what they are facing now..my brother in-law isn't ready to embrace the harsh reality of the world yet he brought a child into this world. Which means he got his girlfriend pregnant!

If one day my child doesn't know how to make diskarte in life and just keep salig salig to (us) parents when they're already adult. I would feel very bad about myself, it's my failure that she or he doesn't learn anything.

As parents, we should not set high expectations for our children to excel in academics or whatever but instead instill in their young minds to learn the basic skills of survival (cleaning, cooking, planting, washing dishes, etc) and it all starts at home.

Home is a training ground to prepare them for their own battlefield. At least when we are gone (parents) they'll know how to survive. If you can't discipline your child, the harsh reality of the world will do it, and it is more painful.

If my child thinks I'm a monster mom who keeps reprimanding her to do this and that instead of me, I will endure it. I'd rather be called a monster mom training her for resiliency than being a spoiler and letting her explore the world later being clueless. Later, they'll understand the purpose once they are already surfing in the waves of reality.

My heart aches when I am scolding my child, but I have to endure it than see her grow and know nothing. I am not a perfect mom, but I'll do what I think is best for her.

Back to the story of my brother in-law, he is still feed by his parents at 25 (currently) and become a father soon. Seeing how he behaves is really bothersome! My in-laws are spoiler ending up their kids doesn't know a lot. Even the simple house chores because mum inlaws keep doing all of it by herself.

She doesn't know how to delegate task. I don't want to speak bad about my in-law but that's the ugly side of them. I mean, they don't train their child to be prepared in their own battlefield of reality. They'll do everything for them because that's how they show “love” for their child. They didn't think about the future that their children may find it hard to survive in life without knowing the basic skills of survival.

I may hate my mother when I was younger but I was thankful when I became an adult and become a mom. I realized, she's just teaching me how to survive on my own. I am the eldest and I must be tough to survive on my own because she cannot look out for me as I have a lot of younger siblings that needs more of her attention.

Although, I am also her child that needs her affection back then especially that I am fatherless..I have to accept the faith that I was born to conquer my own battles.

Now that it's my turn to be a mother, I'd prefer to be hated by the younger version of my daughter or future kids than she'll blame me later that I didn't teach her anything. Especially if we (parents) will be gone.

Why monster? Because I have to roar whenever she doesn't listen. My daughter is hard headed right now. She loves making a mess and so lazy to fix them. So , I have to be strict until she gets used to cleaning up her mess and do basic skills in survival such as cleaning, cooking, planting and etc. If I have to spank her then I would just so she'll listen.

But of course, I explain things to her afterwards..like why I am doing it just so she'll understand. That I still love her.. despite she makes mistakes.

*salig - Visayan term of relying

*diskarte- strategize/strategy

Lead Image created in Canva.

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1 year ago

Comments

Can relate to my situation right now. I'm a monster teacher too. I don't like babying my pupils. Every day I cant count how many times I scold them. Matiguwang na siguro kog dali

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1 year ago

It is true that we only come to understand our parents way of disciplining and teaching us the basic survival needs when we become parents... Sad to say na at 25 ay very dependent p din broder in law mo

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1 year ago

morag igo gani ko ani na part sa "spoiler" na word, reading the title I thought you are reffering sa mga movies pero sa pag padako man diay sa baby, as of now na 1 year old pa ako baby, akong partner jud ang monster og ako ang spoiler, pero og modako nani sya for sure lahion nako akong pag padako sako anak awaton nako kong gionsa ko pag padako sakong mama.

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1 year ago

Same tayo madam, lagi ko din tinuturuab ang anak ko ng resoonsiblities nya sa bahay lalo na sa laruan nya, minsan nga inaasar na ako kasi nagagalit ako, grumpy daw ako sila ng tatay nya happy

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1 year ago

Just like my Mom, I hated her for being like that but when now that I'm a grown up woman, I finally understand her. She did it for my own Good. I am thankful to her right now, I am so guilty for hating her before when when in fact she only wants the best for me. Now i kmow better. You are doing good as a mother. Tayo kasi noon aga na nating namulat sa lahat ng bagay, na sa mata ee masama. Pero nong nagka edad at naging adult na, dun palang talaga marerealise ang lahat.

Anyways, ang magiging kawawa din in the end da ganiyan ee yong anak nila. Di naman kasi poreber na anjan ang magulang for us ee. Aigoooo.

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1 year ago

So glad that our parents don't spoiled us, Ate. They teach us everything and as the eldest, I find it so bad na wala akong alam gawin na gawaing-bahay. For me, ang pangit tingnan sa babae yung walang alam sa gawaing-bahay. Since I'm just in Grade 4, naiiwan na sa'ken mga kapatid ko coz kailangan mag-work nila Mama. Now? Our parents can leave us alone sa bahay kasi they know na we know what to do kapag wala sila. Aalis silang malinis ang bahay at ganoon din ang dadatnan nila pag-uwi ~ also for me, kapag maalam ka sa gawaing-bahay? Sure na mabilis kang matututo sa ibang bagay, sa loob o labas man ng bahay.

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1 year ago

Ang pangit rin yung mga anak kahit ang tatanda na umaasa parin sa mga magulang nila ma'am eybyoung kaya dapat pa lang turuan na kahit yung mga basic lang muna.

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1 year ago

same ta sis dragon kaayo ko ug dinad an sa akong eldest mao ng dali siya namature ug panghuna2x ang ako lang dili ganahan niya this time is bright siya sa academics pero kuwang ug diskarte sa real life .mao ng always nako eremind niya nga useless ang kabright sa ug kuwang ug diskarte ky inag mangaply ta ug work di baya ta magdala2x ug mga medals noh . and about raising a child akong reklamo sad sa akong MIL spoiler pud mao ng iyang mga anak ay ambot samot ning akong bana hagoan ko magsunod2x sa iyang mga lihok like iyang hinukasan bisan asa lang ibutang ,ako sige ug train sa akong anak nga dapat ing ani ing ana.Kanindot bang ingnun iyang inahan ug giunsa mani nimo pagpadako imong anak tawn oi ,mura ko ug naay eldest nga anak kaysa naay bana.ahay.

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1 year ago

Hahahahaha lami jud ingnan ana inahan sa atong mga bana.. ingana man gyapon ako bana, aw di noun to sya ganahan kalat..pero lihok rag ganahan ba. Pero karon motoo na baya sad sa ako naka kat.on na imbis iya mama magtudlo ako na noun haha.. ako ingnan nga dapat sa balay division of labor kay wa man ta maid 🤣

Tinoud gyud, di man kaayo gamit ang ka bright pwera na lang ug mag scientist ka ba 🤣 mag apply ka sa trabaho more on skills na labi najud karon.

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1 year ago

akong bana kanang gianad sa iyang inahan nga maoy tigsunod sa ilang mga kalat which is ako ang taw nga di jud ganahan ug kalat. Aw akong mulihok man pud sa balay aw lisud pud ug di siya mulihok nga ako my nangita ug kwarta pero pag naay siya work unya kapoyan siya magluto aw ako nalang pud muluto .

Mao gud di tanang mga nasuccessful mga bright na sila kaayo ,mostly makamao sila modiskarte sa life.Like Zeinab Harake makamao mudiskarte sa life

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1 year ago

Same here. Tayo din mahihirapan kapag inispoiled Yung anak natin. Maaaring nasisigawan natin sila pero at the end of the day dapat explain padin natin sa kanila kung bakit. Minsan Yun din Kasi Mali ng ibang parents. Puro sigaw at bawal pero kulang sa communication

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User's avatar Yen
1 year ago

Kaya nga mahirap na kasi disiplinahin pag malaki na kahit anong sabihin mo kasi nakasanayan na nila walang ginagawa.

Kaya di bali na magiging monster ako sa tingin nang anak ko..kung para naman sa kanya.

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1 year ago

True Kasi kapag lumaki na Sila maintindihan din nila yon. Been there 🤣

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User's avatar Yen
1 year ago

Bisaya ka sis?Magbisaya nalang sad ko hihi. Ang mga anak sa akong bayaw spoiled sa ilang lola ma ng karon halos way namaohan nga trabaho .Usahay maglalis me sa akong ugangan kung about na sa pag atiman sa bata kay ako gusto ko di nko e spoiled samtang bata pa sila kamao na ,di kay murag naay katabang sa balay which is maoy nahitabo sa iyang uban nga apo. Much better gyud nga e train nato ang mga bata para di mag salig sa uban especially sa parents.

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1 year ago

Oh sis bisaya haha.

Ingana sad ako ugangan sis actually apil akong bana nag struggle ko sauna kay wala gyud nabal.an bisan pag lihok sa buluhaton sa balay kailangan pa ingnun.. mura gyud ug naay katabang maygani kay sige naku yawyaw natabang ra hahaha!

Tinoud gyud sis, maayo gyud e train ang bata sugod sa gamay pa kay ug dagko na gahi naman na ulo.. mao sad na amo lalisan sa ako ugangan kay ma ulit ko spoiler kaayo.

Ang pinaka importante man gud nga dapat e train ang mga bata kay para mana sa ilang own survival kung asa sila mapa.ingun mabuhi sila labi na ug kita ginikanan mupanaw na.

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1 year ago

Tinood jud sis kay lispd pg kanunay magsalig ,sila rapuy mag lisd nig abot sa panahon nga wana silay saligan ,di na noom sila kabarog.

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1 year ago